The Weirdest and Wildest Moments in Megalopolis

This post contains spoilers aplenty for Megalopolis.

Megalopolis has become one of the most anticipated movies of the year, and not really because it’s the (likely) final film in director Francis Ford Coppola’s incredible career. From behind the scenes reports about Coppola’s misbehavior on the set to an audacious, unclear epic of a script he wrote himself, Megalopolis has attracted the intention anyone who appreciates a masterpiece and/or a fiasco.

Somehow Megalopolis exceeds those expectations, whatever they are. It is a totally insane film, overstuffed with moments brilliant, misjudged, and absurd. A quasi-sci-fi story following the conflict between brilliant architect Cesar Catilina (Adam Driver) and Mayor Franklyn Cicero (Giancarlo Esposito) over the fate of New Rome City—New York meets Ancient Roma—Megalopolis has lots of room for beats that leave your jaw on the floor, including these standouts.

Deus Ex Soviet Satellite

Heightening the tension between Cesar and Cicero’s conflict over building a new utopian vision of their city, or “Megalopolis,” is a lost Soviet satellite that we’re told near the beginning of the movie is speeding toward Earth. At first it seems the satellite will land in Canada, which is perhaps why no character gives much heed to this recurring and odd subplot. However, in a major twist, the orbiting spycraft is instead revealed to be heading toward New Rome! adding urgency to Cesar’s mission.

… And then, about halfway through Megalopolis, people stop talking about the satellite. The movie moves on to other ideas. Like we see pieces of the satellite hit parts of New Rome City, but we’re also told these are debris from the much larger satellite that… is never mentioned again. Nor is it ever commented upon whether the satellite debris that did crash into New Rome City killed anyone or created any lasting psychological damage to the city like the brief flirtation with 9/11 imagery would suggest.

Anyone wondering what happened to the rest of the satellite, or how the USSR still exists, or why it exists at all in a world in which New York is also Ancient Rome, needs to just accept it. No real explanation is forthcoming, but that’s a good lesson in how to watch Megalopolis. Every insane thing just happens, and then the movie goes swiftly on to its next insane plot point

Jon Voight’s… uh, “Arrow”

Jon Voight’s genitals are an important aspect of Megalopolis. Voight plays Hamilton Crassus III, Cesar’s uncle and the head of Crassus National Bank. Crassus has the funds to help Cesar achieve his plans for the Megalopolis, but the rich old man doubts his nephew.

Crassus doesn’t show quite the same level of discretion in his love life, as he becomes a target for the scheming financial reporter Wow Platinum (Aubrey Plaza). Cesar’s former mistress, Wow seduces Crassus in hopes of getting access to his fortune. She even marries the old dope.

The elderly Crassus boasts about his passion for Wow allows him to achieve erection at will. In one scene, Crassus gestures at the tent he’s pitching under a sheet and says, “What do you think of this boner I’ve got?” Soon after, he reveals his pride and joy to Wow, only to show that it’s actually a crossbow and arrow, which he uses to murder his pretend lover. He shoots her with a golden arrow in the heart and then proceeds to shoot her other lover, Shia LaBeouf’s Claudio, in the ass with another golden volley.

Every Single Thing That Wow Platinum Does

Wow Platinum’s death isn’t the only crazy thing involving her character, though. Without question, Aubrey Plaza understands the tone of the film better than anyone else, embracing the camp and stealing every scene.

At the beginning of the film, she growls at her lover Cesar, the nephew of her future husband, that “God, you’re so anal,” before cooing, “but I’m so oral.” Coppola’s been working on Megalopolis‘ screenplay for decades, so it’s hard to tell exactly what age he was when he wrote those lines. But on paper, they sure sound like something a dirty old man would write. Somehow, Plaza manages to deliver that and other lines as the believable output of her character. Same for a sequence in which she instructs Shia LaBeouf’s Clodio Pulcher in the art of cunnilingus while also taking a knife to his hair, cutting away an ugly rattail.

Absurd? Yes! But Plaza makes every scene she’s in work, something that her more esteemed co-stars cannot seem to pull off.

Shia LaBeouf as Donald Trump and Also as Shia LaBeouf

Much has been written about Coppola’s intention to cast “canceled” performers, not just his old New Hollywood pals Voight and Dustin Hoffman, but also Shia LaBeouf, a former child actor whose abuse of ex-girlfriend FKA Twigs has been well-documented. LaBeouf plays Cesar’s cousin Clodio. It should also be said he is Voight’s grandson when he gets shot in the ass for fooling around with his much younger wife.

Clodio also serves as the Trump stand-in for Megalopolis, which attempts to critique modern American problems via a magical Roman parable. Thus Clodio isn’t just a schemer from a wealthy family; he’s also a buffoonish populist.

We are told more than once by breathless reports that Clodio is participating in incest with his sister Clodia (Chloe Fineman), which feels like a nod more to Caligula. He also dresses in an extravagant, gender-bending fashion. In this regard, it’s unclear if Coppola’s trying to evoke the opulence of the Roman ruling classes or Trump’s obsession with spray tans and hair-pieces or both. However, after Clodio begins participating in angry populism, he and his sister notably dress less like Romans than they do 18th century American founders, which is probably some kind of muddled dig at current American strongmen wrapping themselves in antiquated American values they don’t actually believe. Likewise, Clodio’s fermenting that angry mob feels part historical note and part current political fantasy. Whatever the point, it’s always upsetting when Clodio is onscreen.

The Play’s The Thing For Cesar, Apparently

It’s underdeveloped now, but the IMDb quotes page for Megalopolis will someday feel like a giant prank. As one can guess by the Roman character names and epic stakes, characters in Megalopolis speak in heightened language. But they also break into unusual vernacular, such as the aforementioned line about Jon Voight’s erection or Cesar exclaiming “Back to da cluuuuub!” There’s even a moment in which Saturday Night Live cast member Chloe Fineman seems to flub a line on camera, and it makes the final cut.

But the oddest incident may be when Cesar goes from Rome to Denmark, or at least Denmark by way of Elizabethan England, and delivers the “To be or not to be” soliloquy from Hamlet. The speech occurs during a press conference and it’s impossible to tell if Cesar is messing with his audience or if he truly sees himself as the young prince, racked with indecision. In fact, we can’t even tell if Cesar’s quoting a play that exists in this world or if he’s supposed to have just made up one of the most important passages in the English language right off the top of his head. Moreover, the soliloquy’s inclusion makes sense either way. Megalopolis presents Cesar as a super-genius, someone given to ostentatious quotes or bolts of originality. It also leans into camp and heavy allusion, a bit of literary goofing. The playfulness is the thing.

Cesar Interacts with Your Audience

That said, Coppola isn’t terribly interested in maintaining the reality of his world. Not only does Megalopolis take place in a pseudo New York/Rome, but Coppola embraces unrealistic special effects. Heck, there’s even a self-insert moment where characters speak of the coming of a boy named Francis like he will be the next messiah.

But then, Coppola has always regarded it as his mission to push the boundaries of what cinematic storytelling can be. In the IMAX screenings of Megalopolis this proves most true when Adam Driver’s protagonist in one moment speaks directly to the audience… sort of. In a sequence where Cesar is taking questions from the press, one employee of the theater walks up to the screen and asks Caesar a question. Driver turns his head to listen to the question and then answers it at length while looking us dead in the eye.

The fourth-wall break is Coppola’s attempt to recall the immediacy of classical theater, turning the audience into the mob that protests visionaries like Cesar and does the bidding of the small-minded Clodio and Mayor Cicero.

Love For Sale

Another icky subplot involves Vesta Sweetwater, the young pop star played by Grace VanderWaal. Vesta is riding high not just for her rousing, inspirational ballads, but also for her much-vaunted virginity. In fact, fans can pledge money to support Vesta’s vow to remain a virgin until marriage. Hoffman’s Nush Berman, Mayor Cicero’s right-hand man, takes particular interest and pledges a ludicrous amount with the suggestion that he’ll be the one taking Vesta’s virginity.

The plans go awry when maybe deepfake imagery is leaked to the press by Clodio of Cesar caught in bed, trysting with Vesta. Not only does that cheat those who pledged money to Vesta, but it gets Cesar in hot water, as he’s a grown man and Vesta is 16.

The problem resolves almost immediately, not so much by revealing that the photos are fake, but by Cesar’s publicist and possible lover, Julia (Nathalie Emmanuel), crusading through the city’s record to prove that Vesta is actually 23! Megalopolis isn’t too interested in the disillusionment among Vesta’s fans, moving swiftly on to Cesar’s next challenge.

We should point out that this subplot is taken from actual Roman history with the historical Catiline being discredited by rivals for, among many other more serious charging, sleeping with a Vestal Virgin, Roman priestesses who vowed to stay celibate for 30 years while protecting Rome’s sacred hearth and flame. Taking a Vestal Virgin’s innocence was punishable by death. However, it’s striking that in Coppola’s modernization the fallout isn’t from the humiliation experienced by Vesta, or from the fact that Cesar slept with a family member (Vesta to is suggested to be another cousin). Rather the only thing that matters is that she was legal. In Coppola’s film, the only scandal is to discredit an brilliant and powerful man.

Oh Right Cesar’s Magical Powers Are Also Kind of Pointless

Perhaps the most striking example of a major plot point getting resolved in the very next scene involves an assassination attempt on Cesar. He gets shot in the face in one scene, just to recover in the next. A generous reading of the film could argue that Cesar gets healed via his magic powers, since the healing does involve the hair of his late wife’s hair. As we come to learn, Cesar uses his wife’s hair (and maybe the actual heart?) to craft Megalon, the magical substance that allows him to control space and time. The film begins with Cesar using Megalon to create his masterpiece, which seems to establish him as the ideal powerful leader to move New Rome into the future. However, the movie pretty much stops caring shortly afterward about his powers being used in any meaningful way. Sure, Cesar uses them to heal his face wound, but then he’s mostly concerned with impressing Julia (Nathalie Emmanuel), his love interest and Cicero’s daughter.

Well, that is until the end. At the end of the movie, Cesar uses his powers to stop time, only to discover that his son is unaffected. That moment makes plain an implication running throughout the film, that Cesar is the way forward. While Cicero and his followers are stuck, holding to a stagnant status quo, the bold and brave Cesar pushes his people forward, a tradition carried on by his son.

The movie subsequently ends with Cicero, and all of Cesar’s other apparent enemies, arbitrarily deciding they were wrong about Cesar. Cesar’s a cool dude. He should control the future. And they all step out of the way while Cesar and his infant son, Francis, hold the future of the world in their hands. Huh.

Megalopolis is now playing in theaters.