In the world of geekdom, there are artefacts that are awe-inspiring – and, more importantly, that are useable in all kind of cool ways for really duffing up your enemies. So here it is, the top 10 all time best pieces of weaponry of all time (and the opponents they are most useful for getting rid of):
1. Proton Pack (Ghostbusters)
Look: Large back-pack full of gadgets and gizmos, heaved around by middle age men in boiler suits.
Unique feature: Makes a fantastic noise when switched on and throws out an unwieldy set of light beams than can burn your face off!
Useful for: Battling bogey-coloured ghosts, frying a cleaner’s trolley full of bog-rolls, closing mystical doors by crossing the streams and roasting an inter-dimensional baddie who has the form of a giant marshmallow man.2. General Electric Minigun (Predator)
Look: Massive multi-barrelled piece of military hardware usually seen on the front of helicopters.
Unique feature: Being massive and only being able to be operated by ex-wrestler/turned senators Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura and other “goddamned sexual tyrannosaurs.”
Useful for: Looking cool, destroying foliage and hitting nothing.
3. Sword of Omens (Thundercats)
Look: Mystical sword with cat’s eye-like slit in the middle of it. Grows larger when there is adventure happening. (That sounds really, really perverted…)
Unique feature: Being able to look into the future and to send a signal the other Thundercats when there is trouble. Also useful for peeking into Cheetara’s changing room.
Useful for: Wielding against un-dead mystically enhanced mummies. Poking Snarf up the bum for doing doodies on the carpet.4. Mjolnir (Thor)
Look: Depending on whether you are reading Norse mythology or Marvel comics, the hammer could be a huge mace-like warhammer made by the dwarfs or a handy one-handed thingy with a strap for you to hold onto when you’re flying. Whichever – the English translation for Mjolnir is “crusher” so you know it’s up for a good old bad guy pounding.
Unique features: Can open dimensional portals between the mystical realm of Asgard and Earth. Can also bring down lightning and is virtually invulnerable. Also, it can only be lifted by those who are pure of heart.
Useful for: Battling the Midgard serpent, smiting Frost Giants, giving Loki a good kicking off for standing around while you shout cool Thor-esque things like ‘ I say thee nay!’ … which you can only do if you look like a WWE wrestler. Not recommended for the average bloke down the pub when things kick off.
5. Ripley’s marine gun/flamethrower combo (Aliens)
Look: Gaffer-taped duel-barrelled piece of futuristic hardware bodged together at the last minute which looks superb when wielded by a vest-wearing Sigourney Weaver.
Unique features: Near limitless ammo. Combines the rapid fire of a machine gun (with added grenade launcher) with the subtle widespread damage that a flamethrower provides. All you’ll ever need to get rid of those pesky xenomorphs.
Useful for: Obliterating Alien drones while at the same time frying Alien eggs and really really annoying Alien Queen by firing grenades straight into her pulsating giant Alien slug bum.6. Excalibur (Excalibur)
Look: Quite dull actually, covered in dirt and stuck in rock.Well, according to John Boormans films anyway.
Unique feature: Being able to cut through just about anything; being seen as a symbol of uniting Britain as its is only supposed to be wielded by the king; and point of interest for Knights of the Round Table and nutty sorcerer who rants on about the dragon’s breath.
Useful for: Giving Patrick Stewart a hand when things are a bit tight. Provides an appropriate shiny object to be the envy of other Knights who then go off and do all kinds of naughty things with the kings missus. Also useful for getting rid of Black Knights by systematically cutting off limbs with ease.7. Gravity Gun (Half life 2)
Look: Over-the-shoulder first-person-shooter gun with glowing orange cylinders and strange claw like device at the end
Unique features: Can be used to pick up objects such as circular saw blades and throw them at opponents. Can also be used to great effect in Portal for heaving objects in and around confusing maze-like puzzles and for dropping things into said portal for great, non-shooting gaming fun.
Useful for: Well, a lot of first-person-shooters have generic guns and this list could have gone for the obvious BFG in Doom but the Gravity Gun is a more subtle and cooler piece of hardware that really helps Gordon’s infiltration of the Citadel with its three easy-to-use settings and nifty ability to drop really heavy objects on unsuspecting opponents.8. Green Lantern Ring (Green Lantern)
Look: Erm… it’s a green ring.
Unique features: Run by willpower alone, this weapon, which was developed by the Guardians of Oa, is used by the Green Lantern Corps to bring justice to the universe. (Well, apart from anything yellow.) So if you have to contend with an angry banana or some evil looking lemon curd then really these are kind of useless.
Useful for: Dealing with ex-Green Lantern and purple-headed meanies like Sinestro or for teaming up against foes like Parallax. However be warned: wielders of Lantern Rings have a tendency to have nasty things done to them. Rookie Green Lantern Kyle Rayner had his girlfriend murdered and stuffed in a fridge… nice!
9. Glave (Krull)Look: A pretty jewel-encrusted Frisbee-like/Boomerang device that has arms on it and very sharp rotating blade bits. Can be found in middle of volcanoes if you know where to look.
Unique feature: Can be telepathically controlled by bearded heroes who are mates with Freddie Jones and Bernard Breslaw. Also, I would think it takes some skill to catch it without getting your fingers cut off by very sharp rotating blade bits.
Useful for: Saving Lysette Anthony from a nasty outer-space Beast, cutting hedges, and winning £250 on You’ve Been Framed when getting your fingers cut off by very sharp rotating blade bits.
10. .44 Magnum revolver (Dirty Harry)
Look: Heavy duty-looking pistol that can be used to psyche out punks who think that Clint has fired one less bullet than he says he has.
Unique feature: Handled by Clint Eastwood, nuff said.
Useful for: Getting rid of punks, dealers and other scum or other people Clint doesn’t like. Especially useful for shooting Scorpio (aka Andrew Robinson) while also being a piece of hardware that has inspired 101 catchphrases and parodies and is also the weapon that nearly broke my mate’s arm at a gun-club firing range in Las Vegas.