Haven season 4 episode 5 review: New Girl

Rachael is heart-broken by this week's emotional episode of Haven. Here's her review of New Girl...

This review contains spoilers.

4.5 New Girl

You know, I wasn’t using my heart this weekend. So it’s all just gravy that Haven broke it into to tiny, sharp little pieces with this episode and left it strewn up and down the coast of Maine, honestly.

It was bad enough that Lexidrey didn’t recognize our merry band of misfits last week, much to the distress of, well, everyone present at “the door”. This week we got to know Lexie a bit more in a hands-on sort of situation. Well. Sort of. We got to know an Audrey in Lexie hair, make-up and attitude. Spoiler alert. She knew it was Nathan the whole time and just spent the whole episode carving his heart out with a rusty spoon for his protection which makes sense because she has to kill him (although the only person who has declared that to be so is Howard and I don’t trust him as when he died he turned into light and caused a the barn to explode so how trust worthy can he really be?) at least supposedly. It made perfect sense for the entirety of the episode for Audrey to BE Lexie. After all, Lexie’s love isn’t Nathan and therefore Lexie doesn’t have to kill Nathan. Boom, problem solved.

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Except for the fact that Jordan and the Guard still want to shoot Nathan in the face, which, listen, I get that the Troubles are killing people and I get that Jordan doesn’t like her Rogue-esque super power but girl, calm down. Do you really think that more murder is going to make the situation better? When on earth does an extra helping of uncontrolled vengeance killing do any good outside of the Punisher? Two wrongs don’t make a right and Jordan is just careening over the edge from victim into psychotic revenge assassin and while the Troubled have cause to be upset, her behavior – and Vince Teague’s willingness to just stand back and let it happen like Haven is the old west and Nathan stole her horse – is getting a little insane.

Speaking of insane, with Lexidrey around, Jennifer has officially stopped being referred to as “crazy”. Hurray! Lets not use that word so liberally for people who thought they had a psychiatric disorder in the future, writers, mkay? Kay. Jennifer rocked it out this episode though – she refused to let herself be brushed aside, she was willing to go after what she wanted (Duke. She wanted Duke.), and she also wasn’t fooled for very long by the Troubled guy riding Duke’s body like a showpony and stabbed him in the leg with a pen for it. She displayed about nine types of awesome in about ten minutes. I want her and Audrey to be best friends. That is a show I would watch. The show I could also watch is Jennifer and Duke living together on his boat. That was an A+ development for me, thank you very much.

What I don’t think I can live with is the show where the Audrey pretending to be Lexie – who Duke saw through in less than day because he is a keen observer of the human condition and not blinded by his pain like everyone else in town – emotionally battering Nathan all season. At one point “Lexie” and Nathan are locked in some sort of storage space together and he offers to take her to get pancakes and she makes a barfing noise. I nearly cried, y’all. There were actual tears. Pancakes should not have the ability to bring me to the verge of weeping yet they did. Somehow, that was even worse when he lost his cool, shouting at her that he didn’t want her to be Lexie, he wanted her to turn back into Audrey. As I said at the start, my heart was shattered.

This season has been fairly protracted with getting to the point of things. I mean it took us almost half a season to get Audrey out of the “bar”N. So my hope of having Audrey fess up and start sweeping up the pieces of those broken hearts doesn’t seem very likely any time soon.

Read Rachael’s review of the previous episode, Lost and Found, here.

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