Broad City Season 4 Episode 8 Review: House-Sitting

This Broad City review contains spoilers.

Broad City Season 4 Episode 8

Abbi and Ilana get to see how the other half lives when they housesit at Oliver’s house (you remember YASSS QUEEN Oliver, right?). Finally, this week on Broad City, the whole gang is back together. Abbi, Ilana, Jaime, and Lincoln all under the same roof. Laundry in tow. Ilana is learning to settle into a relationship with Lincoln while Abbi matches with her high school English teacher on Bumble, played by guest star Mike Birbiglia.

Ilana has never been a relationship type of woman, so when she and Lincoln are thrown together against the glitz and glam backdrop, it forces the couple into an alternate “relationship reality” that forces them to examine how they want the relationship to go.  

Have you ever dreamed of hooking up with your teacher? Well, Abbi’s dream comes true when she invited her English teacher, Richard, over to the house-sitting “party.” Except it’s not so much a dream-come-true as it is full on creepy. Abbi is trying to act older but it seems that Teach just wants her at 17-year-old Abbi. This episode taught me a very special and valuable lesson: it’s only hot when you go for the college professors. 

This review wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t mention how wonderful Birbiglia is in this episode. Obviously he’s always a genius, but as far as guest stars go I give him all the thumbs up, even though he’s a major creep in this particular scenario.

I mentioned the most important lesson of this episode but there is another thing to think about…

Should you become a professional house-sitter?

Okay, listen, I don’t know if this job actually exists, but in a world where people give up their normal–sized houses to live in port-a-potty houses, I am sure there are people who ditched traditional houses to squat in others homes and live like the rich and famous for a while. Right? I don’t know because I never owned anything valuable enough to need a sitter. 

No quarters? No problem!

Do you waste all your valuable change on laundromat machines that barely work and then you end up lugging all your clothes back home only to find half your underwear missing? Well, that whole mess can be a thing of the past. Access to free working laundry machines seems like a basic human right, but it’s not. However, you can get it on someone else’s dime. Just make sure all your clients have dryer sheets before taking the gig. Also, you should probably douse yourself in Chanel No.5 or put on an ascot before attempting to work rich-folk appliances, they can be very snobby.

“Sit your sweet ass on this bidet. I feel like a wine glass fresh out of the dishwasher.”

If shooting water at various degrees up your ass is something you think you might enjoy, them this might be the only job for you.

Can you define “resort wear?” 

If you know what “resort wear” is and how to make use of it then you don’t belong amongst the normal folks, slumming it with four other roommates above a falafel shop! “You’re naturally rich,” you need the digs that go along with it, don’t let lack of actual funds stop you! 

Easy access to cigars.

I don’t know how else one acquires cigars.

Must be okay with lots of tantric and phallic art.

Rich people are supposed to be stuffy and uptight but they tend to have a lot of very sexual art lying around. If this makes you uncomfortable then this might not be the job for you. Those old Renaissance folk were really into their nudes.

“It’s sort of a full body with a tannic grip.” 

Do you know what that means? Of course I know what it means, but, like, do you? Let’s say it at the same time.

There are a lot of pros to getting paid to live in rich people’s houses while they’re off sticking it to the 99 percent or laying on beds of money, or whatever it is that people with money do, but that doesn’t mean this lavish lifestyle is for you. If you’re thinking about it, though, first make sure it’s a real thing and then let the styling’s of Abbi, Ilana and the gang to guide you through it.