Apparently there are all sorts of connotations to the word “pogo” I was entirely unaware of and, surprisingly, they are not all of a gross sexual nature.
It all starts because Cece’s apartment has a plumbing problem. She walks around the loft in her robe and runs into Winston. They, erm, rub each other in strange places. It gets awkward.
Fortunately, Jess is around to distract them with a dance and way too much cheer for anyone to handle. The dance earns her an obligatory trip to the “annoyance jar,” which is somehow not nearly as funny as the douchebag jar.
Jess explains that her irritatingly cutesy happiness is due to Edgar, one of the students in her writing class. She tells them how difficult it’s been connecting with her class, blah, blah, blah who cares do-gooder, but one of them actually turned in a good story—Edgar (duh).
Nick, being the loft’s literary man (by virtue of one craptastic, unpublished zombie novel) takes it upon himself to judge Edgar’s work. He reads the story. He immediately decides Edgar is a psycho, mostly because the story’s plot involves a deer metaphor, stabbing and a blood bath (literally, the protagonist bathes in blood).
With the ick and creep factor now on full, Nick shares his opinion that Jess is in danger because she may in fact be murdered in real life by this student. To protect her, he decides to investigate Edgar. YES! Nick, the Scruffy Detective is far better than Nick the semi-employed anger management candidate.
In the meantime, Schmidt has found out about the “moment” between Winston and Cece and confronts Winston about “pogo-ing” the model he loves. In the middle of this, it somehow is revealed that pogo-ing isn’t just inappropriate body parts touching. It is, in fact, the annoying thing people do that other people talk about behind their backs. Let the carping and paranoia begin.
When Jess holds her next writing class (subject: imagery) Nick infiltrates with the less than suave persona of Julian Pepperwood, writing student, man of the world and speaker of words with a bad British accent. He spies on Edgar, sees Edgar doodle a stabbed deer and then steals Edgar’s notebook. Jess tries to steal it back and fails and then has to explain to Edgar Pepperwood is her…uncle? Oooook.
Nick continues his Sherlock impression by analyzing the contents of Edgar’s notebook. While he investigates, Schmidt attempts to find out what his “pogo” is. He. Must. Find. Out. Is it his eyebrows? His skin aberrations? The way he spies on people when they think they’re alone in the shower (oh, Schmidt, don’t go from adorable douchebag to restraining order creeper!). Cece finally tells him the secret: it’s his “barnacle toenails.” Double ick.
Nick decides he needs to gather more evidence of Edgar’s serial killer ways and goes to Edgar’s house. Jess accompanies him, in case he needs backup. Along the way, they debate the usage of a safe word. Once they reach the house, they hide, see what looks like Edgar’s mother, then watch Edgar pull up in a suspicious van carrying a very suspicious duffel bag. He drops it off in the suspicious location of: the garage. Nick and Jess attempt to investigate further, but then Jess’s cell phone rings and they run away less like stalwart detectives and more like borderline criminal cowards.
Once they’ve hightailed it home, they come upon Winston and Schmidt trying to solve Schmidt’s toenail problem. A pogo back and forth ensues. Cece would like to know hers. Jess is a know-it-all. Nick is pathetic, so everyone gives him money on the sly and puts vitamins in his food.
With all this constructive criticism behind them, Nick goes back to Edgar’s house to try and find more evidence. He spies more violent doodles and realizes the deer in Edgar’s story is Jess. He calls Jess and tells her, right at the same moment Edgar comes into her office. Jess’s eyes go wider than anyone with unnaturally wide eyes should go, and shouts “Apricots!” to Nick over the phone. Apparently, apricots is a suave safe word.
Edgar starts telling Jess how he has a risky ending to his story—the character has to die (and that’s risky by virtue of the fact it’s…not? Maybe irony is more dangerous than I thought). He then creeps closer and whips out a—notebook. Jess screams. Her phone goes off and Edgar realizes he’s heard that ringtone before. Edgar runs away.
Jess calls Nick back and tells him Edgar left,and Nick tells her he’s happy she’s alive. Then Nick gets hit on the head by a shovel. Turns out, Edgar’s “mother” is one tough cookie and Nick looks like a sneaky thief. Fair enough. He is pretty scruffy.
Edgar returns and sees Nick on the ground. He explains that Nick isn’t a terrible larcenist, just Julius Pepperwood, and tries to bring Nick into the house to take care of him. At that moment, Jess arrives leaps to the wrong conclusion, then leaps onto Edgar in an attempt to save Nick’s life. Edgar’s “mom” maces her.
Once everything settles down, Edgar explains to Jess he’s not an ax murderer, just a graphic writer and artist. Jess thinks this is great! She tells Edgar’s “mom” that Edgar is a very bright guy. Edgar and his “mom” make out. Triple ick, even though it turns out Edgar’s mom isn’t actually his mom.
Back at the loft, Nick prepares for himself a delicious meal of buttered and salted bacon. (Quadruple ick.) Jess reads his newest literary attempt, which features a Zombie Detective and his partner, Jess, who is a know-it-all. Nick then sets the kitchen on fire.
While everyone tries to put it out, Jess explains she would have said something about having to smother a grease fire, but oh gee, that would be know-it-all-ish. Once everything is safe, Winston hugs them—and then gives them an accidental “pogo.” He runs off in embarrassment. They let him know he farts when he runs. And the pogos continue.