Intruders: Time Has Come Today Review

Domestic squabbles can lead to deadly consequences on Intruders. Here is our review.

Last week on Intruders, we indulged in some delicious creepy time feelings without being bludgeoned about the head and neck with intrigue. Marcus/Maddie made a run for Seattle, narrowly escaping an ass-kicking Richard. Jack gets a cabbie beaten up in pursuit of his missing wife, after which he gets a call from Amy, who is back at home. And the recently deceased conspiracy theorist pirate radio host has been replaced by the rifle toting Tim Truth.

This week Jack tucks his tail and (drinks and) drives back home to his wife. Or, as he is starting to realize, to the person who only appears to be his wife. When he gets to the house, Amy is pissed off and accusatory. She lashes out at Jack for potentially ruining her relationship with her boss by revealing that she was out shopping her resume around at competing firms. Supposedly. After dressing him down, she reminds Jack that drinking and fighting are incredibly douche-y.

Wait, wasn’t Jack mad at her? Ah women, always good for flipping the script. And flip the script she does. The fight drags on into uncomfortable domestic dispute land while Amy appears to waffle between personalities. Finally she tells Jack she wants a divorce. Jack no likey and attempts to punch out a glass door.

Okay, as weirdly banal as the scene is, what comes across loud and clear is that Amy is complicit. In fact, she lets Jack in on the whole we-don’t-die secret. Like most normal people, he thinks she has turned into a wackadoodle (albeit one with awesome cleavage). They fight some more, start to have angry domestic sex, and then Amy switches personalities again, and walks away mid-hump. Poor Jack, cock blocked at every turn.

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As Jack lay on the floor, man crying and nursing his blue balls, he remembers better times. Like when he killed three dudes and Amy hugged him for it. No explanation is given, but we do know he used to be a cop in LA, and also he and Amy lost a baby. Did the three dudes kill their baby? I don’t know. At any rate, Jack is a hot mess. To cap off a banner evening, Gary calls and invites Jack to meet him Seattle. He has evidence about Amy, and shit ain’t good.

Jack and Amy aren’t the only people orbiting Seattle. Richard drives up the highway, closing in on the city while he remembers making a deal with Marcus (circa last body). Marcus knew the “nine” (I’m guessing they are in charge; although there are likely more than nine intruders) were out to kill him once and for all. Apparently he has been a bad boy for the past few thousand years? He offers to bribe Richard for help in killing the nine. Marcus gives him an extremely cliché duffle bag full of cash for his services.

Question: if you have been alive for millennia, wouldn’t you already have a shitload of money? Seriously. If I was immortal, I would have set up some kind of ongoing blind trust fund, buried pirate gold, or at least learned how to steal. Honestly, a fat sack of cash should have limited appeal to someone who was around when Rome was the dominant empire. At any rate, Richard takes the deal.

Farther up on the highway, Marcus is in the car bonding with the nice lady he paid to drive him to Seattle. Only now that the lady has what appears to be a strange nine year old girl in her car, she regrets her decision to help. Jesus people. How many episodes of To Catch A Predator do you need to watch before you know to leave the kiddies alone? Anywho, it turns out Marcus is something of a music expert. He was playing back when Mozart was still around.

When Marcus falls asleep, the nice lady takes the 9 card out of his pocket and calls the number, which turns out to be Richard. Marcus discovers this betrayal and spins some barely plausible story about how he is really running away from his pedophile Uncle. Did I say barely plausible? It registers a ten on the bullshit meter. And I will say it again: the little girl is not threatening. Not even a little.

On a related note: anyone who gets murdered by a nine year old should have their corpse slapped. Indeed, Richard finds the nice lady beaten to death in a rest stop bathroom, and delivers a verbal bitch slap before torching her body, chucking her teeth down the road, and tossing her severed head in the river.

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I am really starting to enjoy him. 

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3 out of 5