This review contains spoilers.
3.10 For Those About To Rot
This week’s episode of Being Human once again takes us back to the past — but this time, to Aidan’s life before he ever went off to war and became a vampire. We’re going back to a time of gloriously bad wigs, even worse accents and… fertility issues.
It starts when Aidan falls asleep in an alley — you know, like you do — and dreams about his wife in labour. But this is not the birth of Isaac. This baby does not survive to be born. Aidan and Suzanna cry and then in the present, Aidan returns to the house where Sally takes one look at him and goes, “You need to get laid.” How on earth that has anything to do with miscarriages is beyond me, but this is Being Human and logic is not always required.
Back in the past, Aidan and Suzanna are sitting in church service, minding their own business, when the pastor totally goes, “God takes things from the unworthy and by the way, Aidan and Suzanna have lost another baby. The two things are not related at all, I am sure. Except for how they totally are.” And Suzanna’s just crying into Aidan’s shoulder because, obviously, that’s really not what anyone needs to hear after a miscarriage, and Aidan glares at him like, “That was private, you jerk. One day, when I become a vampire, I’m going to eat you.”
In the present, Kat takes Aidan to a rare book archive for their second date. Reread that sentence and then tell me that Kat is somehow the oldest soul ever, never mind that this is a show in which vampires exist. Somehow, she’s older than all of them because she thinks a rare book archive is a great place for a second date. And because Aidan is an old soul, too, he thinks it’s awesome. These two really just need to get married at this point, because… honest question: who else would have them?
Then Kat’s ex shows up. Turns out he’s a professor who likes to take his female students to see the atlases. Everything is fifteen kinds of awkward and even though Aidan assures Kat he doesn’t judge her for her choice in former boyfriends, she’s like, “No, I judge myself and you should, too.”
They continue their date at Kat’s apartment, where she spills the beans about her relationship with the professor and tells him that the main reason they broke up was that he didn’t want a family and she does. And Aidan goes, “Wow, my flashbacks in this episode are conveniently on topic! I was just thinking about my inability to successfully reproduce!” Okay, he doesn’t say that, but he does tell her that he’s infertile, which prompts yet another flashback to the Department of Bad Wigs and Accents.
The Reverend storms the Waite’s home because Aidan hasn’t been coming to church and if he can’t belittle Aidan’s masculinity from the pulpit, then this doctor is willing to make house calls. Aidan gets sassy and tells him that he hasn’t come to church because he doesn’t want to “sully the souls” of the other congregants, since his is so worthless and all, to which the reverand basically retorts, “Well, Suzanna’s happy to come and let me shame her for not having a baby yet, so you should be, too.”
So Aidan lays the smack down about how if the reverend’s God really does kill babies just to spite their parents for not being worthy or whatever, then he doesn’t want God anyway. The reverend gloats more about Aidan being unable to produce a child, so Aidan hauls off and punches him in the face.
Back in the present, Aidan and Kat make out until Aidan vamps out, so he tells her they should take some time to process their feelings and leaves. But outside, he decides screw it, he’ll just huddle in some bushes and drink his stash of blood right there in the street (stay classy, Aidan!) before returning to her to get their make out on again.
And finally, Aidan’s flashbacks show us the birth of his son, in which he begs God to let the baby live by promising that he’ll spend the rest of his life — even if it’s one hundred whole years! — being a good person. Foreshadowing being what it is, Aidan wakes up in an alley again and heads for home, passing by the unnoticed, bitten body of Kat’s professor as he goes. Way to keep your promises, Aidan!
Meanwhile, Zoe managed to save herself last week by beating Nick to death with a baseball bat. Naturally, she calls Sally, because if anyone will be able to explain this, it’s her. But Sally doesn’t have to, because Nick shows up as a ghost and tells Zoe he’s totally okay with her bludgeoning him to death because he’d have eaten her otherwise. Then he makes her promise to stay away from Sally, since he knows Sally will eventually give in, too, and immediately gets his door which is not suspicious at all, move along, nothing to see here.
After telling Sally to stay away from her, Zoe hands over Nick’s body to Sally and Josh for burial, since that’s kind of their thing now. While trying to piece together exactly what’s going on, Josh asks, “Have you or have you not eaten flesh?” and Sally kind of shrugs and says, “I might possibly be a flesh-eater.” So Josh suggests they go home and talk to Aidan about it, since he knows all about wanting to eat people, but Sally realizes they have a more pressing issue at hand: Stevie!
The two of them head off to Stevie’s parents’ house to tell them that their child who committed suicide is now a zombie, but they’re saved from that awkwardness when Stevie answers the door instead.
He tries to lie at first about his parents’ whereabouts, but this is Being Human so of course they died after he came home to see them and of course he ate them, and also the mailman. And for reasons entirely unknown to me but so perfectly in keeping with the macabre humor of this show, Josh gets hung up on, “A United States Postal Worker?!” because somehow that’s worse than one’s own parents.
But Stevie has a solution and he takes them to the garage all “Remember how I killed myself that one time? I need you to help me do it again.” And no matter how many tears Sally cries, Stevie insists on it. And once he lunges for Josh’s tasty arm, Josh is more inclined to agree. Josh helps him do the deed, because what’s one more death on his hands at this point anyway, and Sally asks if it’s her turn now. Josh promises they’ll find a way to save her, and then Stevie gets his door. Only, Sally notices there’s a really big problem: Stevie’s door looks identical to Nick’s, which doesn’t happen since doors are supposed to be unique. Something is wrong… something, perhaps, even witchy.
And somewhere in the mix of all that, Josh finds time to meditate on his wolf again (still running away) so Pete, the actual best human being ever, tells Josh to bring over some beers that night and he’ll help Josh speak to his wolf. Only, when Josh shows up, vampires are eating Pete and I’m crying because NO, NOT PETE! Josh tries to save him but the vampires opt to knock him out once they realize that he’s off limits thanks to Aidan’s deal. They go back to nomming on Pete and at least I have the consolation of being wrong about Pete being a plant from Liam, but it’s a cold comfort. He makes vegetarian chilli. Clearly he was too awesome to exist.
I have to admit that all the historical flashbacks got a little tedious this week, but honestly I forgive even that because they helped Aidan be honest with both himself and Kat. Here’s hoping they figure out a way to de-zombie Sally, though, and maybe even bring Nick and Stevie back from their identical doors, since Zoe, Nick, and Stevie are three of my favorite recurring characters and I hope this wasn’t the last we’ll ever see of them. Another great episode, though. The finale is rapidly approaching and I genuinely don’t think we’ve had a bad episode this entire season.
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