Den Of Geek has no truck with the figurative. We cannot sanction its buffoonery. That is to say, if a TV show wants to use the word ‘wolf’ in its title, it had better feature a wolf.
It’s not as though it’s hard. A number of shows manage to deliver on their wolf-related promises. Teen Wolf. Wolfblood. Wolf’s Rain. Wolf Lake. She-Wolf Of London… they’re packed to the rafters with lupine glory. The shows that aren’t but profess to be in their titles need to take a long, hard look at themselves. Whoever they’re trying to impress with their wolflessness, it isn’t working.
That’s where we come in. Wolf Hall, Wolf Creek, Raised By Wolves, Airwolf, Wolf, A Nero Wolfe Mystery and Cry Wolfe, you’ve been fixed and you are welcome.
Candle-lit political machinations and poised character portraits are all very well, but even Bafta would admit that a scene of Thomas Cromwell pugil stick fighting Wolf from Gladiators in Anne Boleyn’s bedchamber would have taken BBC Two’s Wolf Hall to the next level.
What’s that? Nobody can defeat outback serial killer Mick Taylor? Just wait until he meets his unitard-wearing match in Wolf from Gladiators. Bonza.
A Nero Wolfe Mystery
We don’t know what this show’s about but it couldn’t be clearer that Wolf from Gladiators in a bandana is what it’s missing.
Raised By Wolves
Tough, resourceful, with a gaze of steel and a complete combination spanner set, Della’s exactly the kind of woman to light a fire in the loins of a wolf like Wolf from Gladiators, the lucky so and so.
Watch out Dog the Bounty Hunter, there’s a new canine in true crime town. And he’s howling mad with adulterers and petty fraudsters. Howling. Like how a wolf howls.
If The Firm was really serious about recovering its supersonic helicopter from Stringfellow Hawke, they’d have brought in the only man for the job: that’s right, Herr Wolf.
What framed-cop-turned-PI Tony Wolf needed in short-lived crime drama Wolf was an investigatory sidekick. Enter Wolf from Gladiators. Oh, it looks as though he already has.