50 things for Doctor Who fans to do before they die

Obviously it will be tricky to do anything on this list after death (besides I’m saving that time for giving Engines Of War another read), but clickbait headlines own us all now. Think of these ideas listed below as a Doctor Who themed bucket list, and use some of your freedoms to add to it in the comments section.

1. Go to Paris, stand at the foot of the Eiffel Tower, look up at the top and shout ‘Bye Bye Duggan’.

2. Find and play the Doctor Who pinball game.

3. Anywhere you see a wall covered in graffiti, find a clear spot and add “Pex lives”.

4. Hold a party where everyone has to come as Roger Delgado’s Master with a disguise and an alias.

5. Instead of a Murder Mystery Party, hold a ‘Base Under Siege’ party.

6. If you ever own a house (or anything, really), celebrate by shouting “I’m a man of property” in the style of Josiah from Ghostlight.

7. Invite One Direction round for a really awkward evening in.

8. When buying new shoes, respond to the optimum pair by announcing that they fit perfectly.

9. Hold an annual ‘Talk Like an Eighties Cyberman’ Day.

10. Play Doctor In Distress at an NHS rally.

11. Play all day in your green cathedral by playing Bach on a tiny keyboard at an allotment.

12. Gradually turn yourself into a Wirrn and see how long it takes for people to notice.

13. Build a small Timelash.

14. Go paintballing while dressed as a Raston Warrior Robot.

15. Write a piece of music that samples Nyder saying “Thank you, that’s what I wanted to know”.

16. Perfect your Season 17 story/wine pairings.

17. Leave a ring sticking out of the ground in a field.

18. Read a Target novelisation before you watch a story for that old school ‘Oh, I imagined this looking much more expensive’ sensation.

19. Get a badge for mathematical excellence.

20. Ask the appropriate South Lanarkshire town to change its tourism slogan to “It’s Biggar on the inside”.

21. Take out an ad in a newspaper giving your take on the UNIT dating controversy. Leave an email address.

22. Dress a cat as a nun.

23. Persuade a DJ to get the Orbital remix of the theme tune on and dance without shame.

24. Ride the London Underground dressed as a yeti.

25. Ostentatiously critique a piece of art by quoting Eleanor Bron and John Cleese in City Of Death.

26. Turn a hamster ball into a tiny Mechanoid.

27. Write a haiku about Benton.

28. Make a recipe from the 1985 Doctor Who Cookbook.

29. Change your ringtone to an excerpt from The Sea Devils soundtrack.

30. Recreate the weed creature from Fury From The Deep by treating yourself to an evening of bubble bath and minimalist techno.

31. Attempt the joke “Why is the production code of Fury From The Deep like pirates? Because they RR” in social situations until someone gets it without explanation.

32. Name a pet Ageddor.

33. Watch an omnibus edition VHS.

34. Bake a cake in the shape of a Dalek.

35. Tell any babies in your family “You belong to us. You shall be like us.”

36. If anyone you know is getting married try to get 1 Corinthians 13 in as a reading purely because Nicholas Parsons says it in Curse Of Fenric.

37. Decorate a comb to look like the Malus. Refer to this simply as ‘Malus Comb’.

38. Knit a Fourth Doctor scarf.

39. Spend a night in a haunted house with only copies of The Chase, Hide and The Chimes Of Midnight for company.

40. Go to Cromer Beach.

41. Re-enact the Ood song in a park with a lot of liquorice laces and a John Barrowman album.

42. Do one of the following:

a. Play cricket with Peter Davison.b. Get Matt Smith to play for your Sunday league team.c. Get Sylvester McCoy to play the spoons with your band.d. Get Peter Capaldi to do a lecture at your uni.

43. Enter a toy K9 in a dog show.

44. Recreate the K9 & Company title sequence with a non-robotic dog, preferably a dachshund.

45. Try a glass of delicious carrot juice.

46. Make Black and White Guardian salt and pepper shakers.

47. Base your D&D character on anyone Peter Halliday plays in Doctor Who.

48. Run out of the Apple Store shouting “No, not the mind probe”.

49. Make a big egg cup for your baked potatoes so they look like Sontarans.

50. Overthrow a totalitarian regime.