100 movie clichés that just won’t die…

Mark highlights the cliches that the movies just won't be without...

Movies, by their nature, rely on certain conventions to keep things moving alone. But here are 100 cliches that tend to get relied on over and over again…

1. Cars are never locked, and contain the keys needed to start them.

2. A person who is about to be attacked will refuse to look in the obvious direction from where the threat will come.

3. An aircraft will fall from the sky if left unattended for 10 seconds.

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4. A moving vehicle can only be stopped either with a rocket launcher or goods train.

5. London is foggy.

6. Women can run in whatever footwear they’re got on.

7. The FBI always arrive by helicopter, irrespective of where they came from.

8. However threatening its predicament, the dog won’t die.

9. The immediate reaction of anyone in the path of something life threatening is to stand completely still and stare at it.

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10. The bad guy always has an English accent.

11. In a horror movie, if a person is advised against any action, they then do that exact thing.

12. The biggest solider will die first and the stupidest officer will usually survive.

13. Automatic weapons are useless when confronted by a pistol.

14. Stolen cars are always fully fuelled.

15. The hero must have a friend who is a social outcast.

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16. Bullets fired in aircraft cause explosive decompression.

17. Young kids are always smarter than adults.

18. Summer camps are filled with the musically gifted and psychopathic.

19. Remote places of the world contain unknown giant versions of animals.

20. If a person knocks another out and takes their uniform, it will fit perfectly, irrespective of the relative size, sex or even species

21. Anything alien that turns up on our planet uninvited is invariably out to kill us all.

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22. Once a horse sees a rattlesnake, it will throw the rider off in the snake’s direction.

23. Dying people always live long enough to say something moving or significant.

24. Girls named after fruit are easy.

25. Zombies are deceptively rapid walkers.

26. In a group of teenagers being stalked, girls who can scream well won’t die first.

27. It’s easy to open the door of an aircraft while in flight.

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28. A truck is almost indestructible, apart from the brakes which are incredibly fragile.

29. Any drug deal usually involves multiple fatalities.

30. Reading any book aloud usually has catastrophic consequences.

31. Mobile phones work almost anywhere unless it’s important that they do.

32. People that carry guns consider ammunition to be a optional accessory.

33. If a car is shot it will explode.

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34. Horses are both bullet and arrow proof.

35. When people fall from high buildings, they always look back at where they came from.

36. People pursued by the most dogged policeman or FBI agent are invariably innocent.

37. In any fight between two men, the one with the least practical weapon will win.

38. Anyone dying of a gunshot wound in a high place will fall, even if it involves getting themselves over a wall or through a doorway.

39. Abducted people always call for their father, never their mother.

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40. Asking the question ‘do you think we’ll get out of this?’ never illicits an honest answer.

41. Two spacecraft meeting in deep space always agree what orientation is up and down before doing so.

42. A performer can spot a loved one in a crowd of 20,000 people instantly

43. A soldier carrying a personal memento of a loved one, such as a jewellery or photo, has no chance of returning alive.

44. After sex, women suddenly become coy and cover their bodies up.

45. 50% of henchmen are mute.

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46. Shooting at a lock with a pistol opens it really easily.

47. All white street gangs have one black kid, but black street gangs don’t reciprocate on that deal.

48. High schools always have a socially inept outcast who is secretly talented.

49. People who don’t know their parentage turn out to be either very rich or aristocracy.

50. When e-mail arrives, the entire screen of the computer animates a huge envelope opening

51. Irrespective of the windowing OS in use, a computer is solely operated by using the keyboard and typing commands.

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52. All expeditions must be led by an old and experienced guide with a facial scar who dies horribly before the end.

53. Giant mutant creatures always head for ‘down town’ locations, presumably to shop.

54. The more people who make disparaging remarks about two people getting together, the more likely it is to happen.

55. In a two cop partnership, only one of them can be streetwise, own a cool car or have a family.

56. A theatre can only be saved from demolition by staging a musical extravaganza at very short notice.

57. Spies hide their occupation by driving the most expensive cars, eating in the top restaurants, staying in the most luxurious hotel suites and having tailored clothing.

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58. When people come to say goodbye to others leaving on an aeroplane or boat, that means they’re not coming back.

59. Pilots who have a pet dog suffer a 100% attrition rate.

60. Each small town in America has a bitter and twisted individual whose sporting career was cut short by an unfortunate accident.

61. Falling from the roof of a moving train is much more likely when the train crosses a high bridge with a river below.

62. A dam has only one purpose, to break.

63. Natural disasters only occur where they can cause the most damage and casualties.

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64. Old men die of heart attacks, old women in their sleep.

65. All superheroes leave a ‘calling card’ so others don’t take credit for their work.

66. Men will do more for a woman who has divorced him than any other.

67. In any Mexican-standoff between two people with guns there is always a third person out of shot who will actually fire.

68. Given an easy opportunity to kill the hero, any villain will decline, and justify this by suggesting that they ‘might be useful’ at some point. They never are.

69. Explosive decompression on a plane will cause the overhead bins to open which then are full of loose paperwork, the same thing happening in space will make your head explode.

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70. All Victorian street urchins don’t own shoes, but they all have a hat.

71. Staying more than a day in the wilderness will involve meeting a hungry bear.

72. People marooned on desert islands soon learn to make almost anything from bamboo.

73. All cops carry the right equipment for picking locks and have a friend who sees this is a poor light.

74. People who retire always buy a boat.

75. In a mountain climbing expedition, those scared of heights will generally be fine, but those who are confident will fall to their deaths.

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76. Failing businesses are run by old people, successful ones by greedy ones.

77. Women reduced to wearing a man’s shirt as a dress will always find a belt to accessorize.

78. People falling from high buildings always land on a car.

79. However hard the hero is beaten he’ll always ask ‘is that the best you can do?’

80. All government agencies have computer systems where their logo is a prominent feature.

81. Native Americans always say very little and when they do speak it’s to give sage-like comments.

82. All explosive devices have a handy visual timer and a sneaky redundant circuit to fool anyone trying to defuse it.

83. Grenades are always given plenty of time to explode, even if the idea is to throw them just before they go off.

84. Decisions to murder people are usually made on the golf course.

85. When the hero is confronted by 10 opponents, they agree to only attack him one or two at time.

86. When the hero destroys something in a spectacular explosion, he never watches his handiwork. He’s either walking or driving away looking in the opposite direction.

87. People told to stay somewhere never do.

88. Those characters who talk about what they’ll do after the movie ends never live long enough to do those things.

89. Women always have an ex-boyfriend who can fix cars.

90. Men who have been wrongly imprisoned never have anyone meet them when they’re released.

91. Bank tellers always give away the location and their intent to press the panic button by glancing repeatedly at it, until the bank robber threatens them not to press it.

92. Young cops carry semi-automatic pistols, while old cops always have a pump action shotgun handy.

93. Breakfast is always cooked each morning but the husband never has time to eat it.

94. When a cop is close to solving a case, he’ll be suspended from duty, which he’ll ignore.

95. It’s easy to knock someone unconscious using blunt force trauma or even asphyxiation without causing any permanent problems.

96. Girls given firearms to defend themselves either ‘grew up on a farm’ or learn incredibly quickly when given brief training on how to aim, fire and reload.

97. All funerals are attended by the person responsible for the death, who arrives in a limo.

98. Female abductees always try to be nice to the kidnapper, and then when that doesn’t work they tell them that they’re boyfriend/brother/father will kill them when they arrive.

99. Underground trains are just about to leave the station when you arrive on the platform or the station is totally deserted.

100. A person waking from a nightmare will only have woken in reality about 10% of the time. Usually they’re still having the nightmare.

Add your own in the comments!