The Crawling Ear: Predicting “Weird Al’s” new single

It's not often we can talk about a new 'Weird Al' Yankovic record. But today is one of those special days...

Yesterday on his Myspace blog, that master of musical mayhem and perennial prince of parodies “Weird Al” Yankovic announced that he’s releasing a brand new single next week on iTunes. The track, which will magically appear on your Internet on October 7th, will be (and I quote) “a parody of a song that very recently was (or perhaps still is) the number one song in the country.”

Of course Al is talking about the U.S., because that’s where he lives, but I looked into it and the crap burning up the music charts over here is pretty close to the crap burning up the music charts in the U.K. So, without any further adieu, I would like to try and predict exactly what Al’s latest wacky spoof song will be:

“I Kissed A Squirrel” – a goof on Kate Perry’s monster hit “I Kissed A Girl” in which Al recounts a strange but loving encounter in a nearby park.

“Shia LaBouf’s In Trouble” – The Yank takes on Rhianna’s “Disturbia” and changes all the lyrics to be about the Rear Window remake that starred everyone’s favorite hot little twerp.

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“Miss Co-Dependent” – a delicious twist on “Miss Independent” by Ne-Yo. The title is self-explanatory.

“Viva La Vista” – Sticking it to Windows’ frustrating new operating system via that Coldplay tune “Viva La Vida.”

“All Winter Long” – Al riffs on Kid Rock’s “All Summer Long” by discussing a typical Eskimo lifestyle.

Of course, “Weird Al” is a creature of habit, and I am fully aware none of my guesses fall into any of the four major songwriting categories Al has consistently returned to during his lengthy, Hawaiian-shirted career: food, television, obesity, and Michael Jackson. So I would like to add a fifth general prediction that suggests Al’s new song will revolve around one of these tried and true topics.

If I’m right on any of this, I think it should be the first career highlight listed on the Wikipedia entry I know one of you will eventually create about me. Hell, I’m sure it will be a banner headline in my hometown’s newspaper – “LOCAL BOY PREDICTS ‘WEIRD AL’ PARODY!” It’ll be bigger than the headless cow that was born on Old Man Rumpf’s farm.

Stay tuned, DoG readers, and see if your pal JG2 can accurately see into the novelty music future.

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Check out the Crawling Ear every Wednesday at Den Of Geek. The last Crawling Ear can be found here.