One of my favorite things about pro wrestling is the energetic and at times surreal indie promotion CHIKARA. Currently in the tail end of their sixteenth season, the company is dealing with a storyline where its roster is up against a sinister threat in the form of an evil X-Men knockoff team. Not kidding, the team is headed by a mind-controlling psychic in a wheelchair and his soldiers are called the HeXed Men.
Luckily, catching up on CHIKARA is easy these days due to CHIKARAtopia, their streaming service, which gets you the ability to peruse hundreds of CHIKARA shows from 2002 to just a couple months before the current shows. It’s $7.99 a month, which is a pretty great deal just for all the King of Trios shows alone.
They’re also crowdfunding for a CHIKARA video game for PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and Steam that hits its deadline in just a few days. That’s definitely worth some consideration.
While CHIKARA is known for its weirdness and comic book storytelling (think of it as the PG predecessor to Lucha Underground), one of the things that keeps people coming back is the company’s immense sense of humor. A lot of the time, they take a step back and try not to take themselves too seriously. The wrestling reality gets broken and many laughs are had.
So if you do decide to shell out some money on CHIKARAtopia, here are some of the funniest matches in CHIKARA history.
20. BLUE WORLD ORDER VS. DEVASTATION CORPORATION
King of Trios 2015 Night 1September 4, 2015
ECW’s awesome nWo parody finally made their long-awaited King of Trios appearance and they immediately matched up against the previous year’s winners, the massive Devastation Corporation. Despite the seriousness of the face-painted behemoths, the bWo made sure to have their fun. Two moments really stick out on this one.
First, bWo member Hollywood Nova started off and took time to play to the crowd with Hulk Hogan mannerisms, as he’s wont to do. Unfortunately…that was a bit problematic at the time. That Hulk Hogan scandal was still very recent. Not only that, but Nova slowly began to realize that he was in the ring with the ill-tempered Blaster McMassive, who is black. Nova slowly crept out of the ring to chants of, “THIS IS AWKWARD!”
Later on, Blue Meanie and Max Smashmaster matched their girth against each other, which tends to mean a series of running shoulder blocks in order to see who is a more unstoppable force. After they each made a run, the collisions appeared too painful and they started having an argument over who would run next. It was a strangely civil, albeit loud, argument that featured the words “please” and the line, “You have a valid point!”
It was decided that they would both run at the same time, but right before the impact, Meanie stopped and offered a test of strength. Although Smashmaster tried to accept, Meanie kept switching which hand he was reaching up with. After faking out Smashmaster way too many times, the big heel found himself inadvertently doing the Blue Meanie’s trademark dance and momentarily tired himself out.
19. DEVIANT VS. THE HANDSOME AND MYSTERIOUS STRANGER
Deep FreezeOctober 6, 2012
Once upon a time, Archibald Peck (under the overcompensating persona Mixed Martial Archie) unfairly lost a Loser Leaves Town Match. Whenever that happens in wrestling, it usually leads to the trope of the “obvious masked newbie.” You know, when the vexed wrestler returns under a new mask and identity and it’s blatantly obvious to many who it is, but as long as the mask stays on, nothing can be proven.
Archie returned as the Handsome and Mysterious Stranger, who was so good at hiding his identity that the fans would chant, “WE DON’T KNOW YOU!” He took on the sinister deviANT in Alabama and the venue had a rather peculiar setup. There were three entrance curtains lined up in a row.
During the match, the Stranger chased deviANT through one of the curtains and lost him. deviANT ran back in through one curtain while the Stranger ran back through another. Like a Scooby-Doo musical interlude, the two kept running backstage, then coming back via different entrances. After several failures, deviANT laughed at Stranger’s inability to catch him.
The Stranger stood in his spot and punched his arm through the nearby curtain. Somehow, his arm stretched through the backstage area and popped out the entrance deviANT stood in front of, knocking the evil ant for a loop while completely breaking the laws of physics. He dragged him over and continued with the battle.
18. TIM DONST AND HYDRA VS. GRUDYIN AND TUCOR
AniversarioMAMay 23, 2008
Every now and then, Kaiju Big Battel would crossover with CHIKARA, which made all the sense in the world. Especially since both promotions had their own cartoonish supervillains in UltraMantis Black and Dr. Cube. Naturally, they were besties for a while.
A match was put together of UltraMantis’ underlings Hydra (frail monster in a muscle suit) and Tim Donst (undercover, all-American wrestler pretending to be brainwashed) against Grudyin (genetic mix of an angler fish and a silverback gorilla) and Tucor (genetic mix of a gerbil and a toucan). Tucor is, by the way, the most nightmarish-looking thing in wrestling.
The match was short, but it went off the rails pretty fast. Donst introduced a miniature high striker (you know, that carnival mallet game) so Hydra and Tucor could test their strength in a different way. After that, the two sides brought out some Big Wheels to do a game of chicken. Donst and Hydra won both the game of chicken and, shortly after, the match itself.
Then Dr. Cube angrily chewed out everyone, so we all won.
17. LUCAS CALHOUN VS. CHUCK TAYLOR TM
King of Trios 2016 Night 3September 4, 2016
I’m going to mention Chuck Taylor a few times on this list, but the guy in this match isn’t him. He’s Chuck Taylor TM, an R&B singer who bought the rights to the name. Here, he’s up against “Juke Joint” Lucas Calhoun, an Elvis-like wrestler with a zest for karate and a love for his fan club.
Think of him as Ultimate Honky Tonk Man.
Being that they’re both music based, Chuck TM suggested the two of them do a duet together. This was very much a trap and it very much failed. Next thing you know, the two were outside the ring with Calhoun tying Chuck TM into the ropes and chopping him a few times. As the crowd egged him on, he became inspired and asked for some conga music.
The front row, the people working the merch table, and even the commentators did a conga line that involved smacking Chuck TM in the chest. This also included literal babies.
(I’ll admit that this is on the list for self-promotional reasons. Check out the handsome, pale guy in the red Larry Sweeney shirt.)
Chuck TM tried to save face and save himself by singing “Say My Name” but it wasn’t enough.
16. CP MUNK VS. DARKNESS CRABTREE
Little CreaturesOctober 21, 2005
Hey, WWE isn’t the only company to have a bitter axe to grind with Phil Brooks. Back in 2005, a few matches featured a guy in a plush chipmunk costume with a Pepsi tattoo patched onto the side. Drug free and acorn free, CP Munk wasn’t long for the world, but he did get to have an enjoyably terrible battle with octogenarian luchador Darkness Crabtree. Part of the match revolved around Crabtree’s ability to gain insane lucha ability via taking pills and how CP Munk couldn’t abide by that.
It’s mainly remembered for the end, where upon hitting the Oldstone Stunner, Crabtree went for a pin and only got a two-count. As wrestlers tend to do, he argued with the ref that it was three. Usually, the match would just continue. Instead, Bryce Remsberg shrugged, took Crabtree’s word for it, declared it to be three, and ended the match.
The big saving grace here is Eddie Kingston as the lone commentator, acting like this was both the best thing and worst thing he had ever seen.
15. EL HIJO DEL ICE CREAM VS. BLIND RAGE
Exit StrategyOctober 25, 2015
2015’s season featured a massive team-based double round robin tournament called Challenge of the Immortals. Ultimately, every one of the 90 matches was important, especially this one, but that didn’t prevent the utter silliness.
On one side was El Hijo del Ice Cream, representing Crown & Court. On the other side, Blind Rage, representing the Nightmare Warriors. Seconds into the match, they locked up for a test of strength, which began with Hijo being overpowered.
Said test of strength was about 95% of the match. Somehow the knuckle lock led to them escaping the ring and grappling through all sides of the audience. They even briefly left the building and at one point looked over the concession stand while refusing to let go of their power struggle.
Finally getting back into the ring and breaking the hold, Hijo was quick to put Blind Rage down with a roll-up.
14. LANCE STEEL VS. DARKNESS CRABTREE
More Songs About Buildings and Food/The Cibernetico ComethOctober 29-30, 2004
This one is a classic, although I can only rate it so high because of the crowd reaction. CHIKARA was still finding its footing by this point and the fanbase hadn’t fully figured itself out. They’re more confused than amused.
It began at a Friday show, More Songs About Buildings and Food, where time-displaced knight Lance Steel took on Darkness Crabtree. Steel handily defeated the elder with a roll-up within seconds and Crabtree insisted on making it best two-out-of-three. Again, Steel won immediately. Crabtree kept insisting on various gimmick matches and lost again and again.
Finally, he suggested a match with no count-outs and no time limit. The two started to grapple and the battle (which was barely more than a tie-up) led them outside, followed by the ref and the camera man. As the fans sat in confusion, the camera man eventually returned, shrugging, as he lost them. The show continued to the next match.
The next night, in a different town, CHIKARA hosted Cibernetico Cometh. After the second match, Crabtree and Steel entered the ringside area, still grappling, followed by the tired referee. They made their way into the ring, where Steel made Crabtree tap to the Boston Crab.
At 23 hours and 36 minutes, it’s the longest match in wrestling history. It also got an entry in Wrestling’s 101 Strangest Matches by Oliver Hurley.
13. UNSTABLE AND 2.0 VS. DASHER HATFIELD, LINCE DORADO, CARPENTER ANT, GREEN ANT, AND COLT CABANA
Hiding in Plain SightSeptember 13, 2009
The face team needed a replacement and by picking names out of a hat, they called for Matt Classic and Scotty Goldman. Well, neither one was there, but the third pick, Colt Cabana, certainly was. He rounded out the ten-man tag and got in a tussle with Colin Delaney, with the two making fun of each other for their minor WWE runs.
They then did a gag where they’d bounce off the ropes a few times, Colt would tell Colin to stop and look up, then he’d slap Colin. The second time, Colin tried to get him to stop and look up, but Colt told him no and slapped him. The third time, Colt pointed out that this was 100% going to end with Colin getting slapped. Colin spent about a minute trying to rationalize his decision and…got slapped.
Dasher Hatfield placed Colin into the corner via Tree of Woe and usually the follow-up is running all four corners and hitting a baseball slide. Instead, Vin Gerard blocked him off. Suddenly, with Gavin Loudspeaker announcing, it transformed into a game of baseball. Dasher on third base, STIGMA as the catcher, Vin Gerard as the reluctant pitcher, Colt as the batter, the fans doing the wave, and Colin still hung upside down.
Colt hit a pop fly and the two members of 2.0 collided in the outfield. Dasher and his teammates each hit a baseball slide on Colin except for Colt, who slapped him.
12. MOKUJIN KEN VS. MECHA MUMMY
King of Trios 2007 Night 3February 18, 2007
This one is less funny “ha ha” and more funny “what is this and why does this exist?”
Briefly, CHIKARA had a wrestler named Mokujin Ken, otherwise known as Ken the Box. If you’ve played Tekken and remember Mokujin the living wooden dummy, imagine the Party City version. He took on wacky Japanese (…er, Egyptian…) wrestler Mecha Mummy in an Industrial Revolution Street Fight. It had to be Falls Count Anywhere due to Mokujin Ken’s complete inability to enter the ring.
The two brawled for about six minutes and it was beyond stupid, yet fascinating to watch. Fans ironically chanted, “THIS IS AWESOME!” and, admittedly, it was pretty rad when Mecha Mummy appeared on the balcony and shot his foam rocket fist down into Mokujin Ken’s head.
The finish involved Mecha Mummy using his giant drill to kill Ken. They were trying to set Ken on fire to enhance his death, but it just wasn’t catching and they simply ended it.
11. NORTH STAR EXPRESS VS. OLSEN TWINS
YOUNG LIONS CUP V NIGHT 3June 24, 2007
This tag match between the North Star Express (Darin Corbin and Ryan Cruz) and the Olsen Twins (Colin Olsen and Jimmy Olsen) was rather important to CHIKARA history. At least in terms of reality-breaking stuff that serious wrestling purists hate.
Matt Hardy lookalike Ryan Cruz went up against Colin Olsen (AKA Colin Delaney) and the two put on a brief clinic. Lots of rapid fire moves and reversals going back and forth while their partners looked on from the apron, dizzied by what they were watching. One even yelled for them to slow down.
A bit winded, the two tagged their partners in. Corbin and Olsen stepped forward and did indeed slow things down. A lot. In that they wrestled the next minute or so in slow motion. Lockups, Irish whips, hiptosses, reversals, and even pinfalls. All done at a third of the speed, including the ref’s counts and the partners reacting.
As Corbin and Jimmy rolled to their feet for the indie stand-off, the crowd got into the act with a chant of, “THIIIIIIS…ISSSSSSS…AWWWWWWE…SOOOOOOMMMME…” and slow claps. All the while, commentator Larry Sweeney spent most of the segment treating it like the most normal thing.
The slow-motion gag became one of Corbin’s trademarks over the years and Tommy Dreamer even adopted it into one of his guest appearances.
10. DRAGON DRAGON, LANCE STEEL, LANCE STEEL, AND ANGEL DEL FUEGO VS. ULTRAMANTIS BLACK, ICARUS, DR. CHEUNG, AND HYDRA
Running in the RedNovember 13, 2005
No, that isn’t a typo. That first team has two Lance Steels, just from different points in history. Time travel and whatnot.
What we have here is a double debut. First up was UltraMantis Black introducing Hydra, who would go on to become a beloved comedy underdog, but in his first appearance, he was just kind of there. On the other team, they introduced Dragon Dragon, playing up the many dragon-based wrestlers out there by having a literal dragon show up.
There were several mascot costume wrestlers in CHIKARA over the years: the aforementioned CP Munk, USApe, Colt Cabunny, and my personal favorite, Moscow the Communist Bovine. None’s costume was as cumbersome as Dragon Dragon’s, so it was a delight to see him gingerly try to perform lucha antics while holding it all together.
While there are a handful of Dragon Dragon matches out there, this one is the most fun because of Eddie Kingston’s ecstatic commentary. He would constantly lose his mind over the newcomer and would oversell every mannerism.
Late in the match, Dragon Dragon’s head completely came off momentarily and Kingston screamed in disbelief before declaring, “Someone’s gettin’ fired!”
9. MIXED MARTIAL ARCHIE VS. DARKNESS CRABTREE
Aniversario: A Horse of a Different ColorMay 19, 2012
Archibald Peck briefly went through an MMA phase to make himself feel tougher and more manly. This led to an MMA match against Darkness Crabtree via three three-minute rounds with judges Steven “The Turtle” Weiner, Jervis Cottonbelly, and Swamp Monster.
Round one went to Archie easily. He offered a fist bump, but Crabtree simply collapsed onto the mat. Archie beat up the old man and announced that he was going to do his finisher. He climbed to the top rope…and the bell rang.
In round two, Crabtree took his meds, which allowed him to run circles around his young upstart opponent. Unfortunately, by the time the bell rang, Crabtree lost his mojo and was back to his usual frail self.
Archie tore into him in the final round and finally went to go pull off his finishing move. He climbed to the top rope, jumped over, landed on his feet, grabbed Crabtree, picked him up, and put him in a guillotine choke. Crabtree didn’t move and when Bryce checked his arm, he noticed how cold it was and scrambled away. Realizing he had a corpse on top of him, Archie screamed in terror until the bell rang.
Somehow, the judges decided Crabtree was the winner. Maybe they saw that ending as a tap-out.
8. SUBMISSION SQUAD VS. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB
King of Trios 2014 Night 3September 21, 2014
The Submission Squad, made up of Davey Vega, Evan Gelistico, Gary the Barn Owl, and Pierre Abernathy, are semi-regulars to CHIKARA who came off as despised losers and gradually won over the fans. They laid out an open challenge for King of Trios weekend and it was answered by Chuck Taylor and his oddball entourage: expert grappler Drew Gulak, “krunken master” Orange Cassidy, and the Swamp Monster.
The two factions meshed well and good times were had, but no two meshed better than Gary the Barn Owl and Swamp Monster, whose nature-based natures caused them to befriend each other and turn on their teammates. For a good bit of the match, Gary even perched up on top of Swampy in the corner.
Things became very, very chaotic and even Bryce was getting in on the violence. The Submission Squad briefly held an advantage and called for a triple cartwheel. Rather than turn it into a joint attack, they instead posed in front of the hard camera. Then the other wrestlers joined them in striking a group pose. Bryce called in announcer Gavin Loudspeaker and they all posed together for a moment before finally moving on and going back to the fighting.
7. COLONY VS. FIST
AniversarioCTMay 24, 2008
Chuck Taylor had a dumb little move for a while where he’d pretend to pull out a grenade, bite out the pin, throw it into the distance, spread his arms like it exploded, then hit an elbow drop. Over time, this evolved into gags where he had an actual invisible grenade and wackiness would ensue. Like dropping it down the back of someone’s pants, hitting an Atomic Drop, and everyone in the ring selling it.
CHIKARA’s two classic trio teams went at it and right off the bat, Icarus and Worker Ant battled with shoulder blocks. They both wore fanny packs over their shoulders, which enhanced their offense for reasons.
Chuck faced Soldier Ant, who was able to use his military gruff to command Chuck into doing pushups and marching around the ring while saluting, all while Chuck seemed confused why he was even doing it. Having had enough of Soldier’s orders, Chuck broke out of the control and pulled out his “grenade.” The Colony ants all ran in to beg him not to use it, but he threw it at the trio regardless.
Suddenly, things slowed down, including Leonard F. Chikarason’s commentary, as Soldier Ant heroically shoved his partners out of the ring and dove over the invisible grenade. It exploded, time resumed as normal, Chuck dropped an elbow, and Soldier somehow kicked out at two.
The crowd chanted, “THAT WAS AWESOME!” which they would do again several minutes later. A big CHIKARA banner against the wall started to fall apart and Chuck pointed it out to Bryce. While staff members tried to fix the banner and Bryce yelled at them, FIST put the boots to Soldier to the delight of everyone who wasn’t an ant in wrestling gear.
6. INCOHERENCE VS. SUPER SMASH BROS.
Young Lions Cup VI Night 3June 15, 2016
NES enthusiast Player Uno and his Vega from Street Fighter enthusiast flippy friend Stupefied took on Incoherence, made up of the backwards-snarling Hallowicked and the rambling lunatic Delirious. With Delirious being the one on his team able to actually talk, he opened things up by laughing at Player Uno for being 8-bit. “Delirious and Hallowicked: 1080p! HD! HDTV! Live in the now, 8-bit! Live in the now!”
Things calmed down slightly, but then Delirious went to his partner and told him with a smile, “Genesis is cooler than him!” The referee had to pull both teams apart. The crowd chanted, “N-E-S! N-E-S!” but Delirious responded by a one-man chant of, “SEGA CD! SEGA CD!”
Delirious and Uno discussed Night Trap and 32X before remembering that they had a match to wrestle. Still, that wouldn’t be the end of the dialogue. Delirious would win a grapple exchange and shout, “NEO GEO!” Uno would win a grapple exchange in response and yell, “SUPER NINTENDO!”
And so it continued. “TURBOGRAFIX 16!” “NINTENDO 64!” “3DO!” “THE WII!”
Delirious, speaking clearer than ever, then said, “How about this: Princess Peach is a tramp!”
Uno was furious at this and then Delirious accidentally paused him. It’s…a thing that happened to Uno a lot back in the day.
5. ARCHIBALD PECK VS. ASHLEY REMINGTON
The World is Not EnoughJuly 19, 2014
Wrestling’s seen its share of face vs. face matches where the two sides respect each other, but that goes a step further when you go with “Smooth Sailing” Ashley Remington’s overwhelming friendliness against Archie’s overwhelming admiration for his opponent’s endless charm. What we got was a very low-impact bout filled with hugs, handshakes, high-fives, and releasing holds in order to compliment the other’s muscles.
One of Remington’s trademarks is breaking holds when the ref counts to one (when you have up to five before disqualification) and yelling, “I break at one, my friend!” Archie took to this habit and the two kept pushing each other into the corner and releasing upon the first count. After about a dozen instances of this, Archie tripped for a moment and by the time he got up and released the hold, it was after a two-count. This was treated as the biggest act of betrayal and the crowd jeered the hell out of him for it.
The building they were in had an extremely low ceiling. The first time Archie went for his top-rope headbutt, he smashed his head into the ceiling and fell to the mat. Later on, he went for it again, this time trying it from the bottom rope. Of course, he couldn’t get much distance from that height and fell flat on his face. Remington noticed this, scooched over, draped Archie’s arm over himself, and then valiantly kicked out at two.
4. SHANE MATTHEWS, SCOTT PARKER, EBESSAN, AND TAKOYAKIDA VS. COLT CABANA,DARKNESS CRABTREE, JOHNEL SANDERS, AND SWAMP MONSTER
King of Trios 2012 Night 3September 16, 2012
On the third night of King of Trios, they tend to fill up the card with matches featuring people eliminated from the tournament proper with some extra names who weren’t in the brackets to begin with. This was one of them, which for some reason featured a Japanese Colonel Sanders.
The hijinks were many in this laugh-a-minute bout. I really don’t know where to even begin. Maybe with Colt Cabana describing himself as, “250 pounds of pure chocolate,” as a warning to his opponent. There’s just too much to talk about and too much context to give.
Late in the match, one team decided that each member would side-headlock an opponent in each corner and they would then run them into each other, headfirst. That was ill-thought-out as everyone collided and fell in a circle. As they sat up (all kicking out from an eight-way pin), the crowd chanted, “DUCK, DUCK, GOOSE!” and the wrestlers gave them what they wanted. They literally played a game of duck, duck, goose in the middle of their wrestling match.
While Sami Zayn vs. Shinsuke Nakamura gave us, “FIGHT FOREVER!” this battle gave us, “PLEASE DON’T END!”
Speaking of endings, Darkness Crabtree keeled over at one point. Shane Matthews revitalized him by pouring Red Bull down his throat, which gave Crabtree momentary speed, power, and invincibility until his heart gave out and he seemingly died. Ebessan jumped off the top ropes to capitalize, but only landed halfway. Matthews and Parker lifted him up, dropped him onto Crabtree, and got the easy pin.
3. CHEECH AND CLOUDY VS. INCOHERENCE
The Sordid Perils of Everyday LifeNovember 17, 2007
The team of Delirious and Hallowicked had once fought alongside Cheech and Cloudy and during that team-up, Cheech dressed up as a thinner Delirious (Deliriouscito) and Cloudy was a much smaller Hallowicked (Hallowickedcito). A year later, Incoherence had to defend their tag belts against them in the best two-out-of-three falls.
What they got was the return of Incoherencito.
In a bizarre mirror match (er, maybe funhouse mirror match), the frazzled-by-default champions had to face off against their sorta doubles, which got increasingly more confusing when they would tag in the wrong partners. Once they noticed a fan with a Delirious mask in the audience, things became even more chaotic and confused.
Finally, Incoherence won the first fall and chased their opponents to the back. Moments later, Cheech and Cloudy walked out, apologizing for being late. Upon finding out that someone else competed in their place for the first fall, they were okay with it until being told that they lost it and they had to win the following two falls.
2. ARCHIBALD PECK VS. CHUCK TAYLOR
It’s How You Play the GameMarch 25, 2012
It was CHIKARA’s two best comedy wrestlers clashing so it was automatically unlikely for this to be anything but amazing. Archie was coming off being dumped by his former valet Veronica and couldn’t deal for the opening minutes. He’d bounce across the ropes for a shoulder block, only to sadly bump into Chuck and mope in depression. Eventually, he didn’t even go for a shoulder block and instead embraced Chuck and cried into his shoulder. For a little bit, Chuck got him out of his funk by doing a test of strength and pretending it hurt him an awful lot. With Archie feeling better, Chuck went back to thrashing him.
The match is filled with all such buffoonery, including Archie getting “stuck” standing on the top rope because his head touched the ceiling, or the bit where he tried his very first springboard attack to zero success. But the part that puts this classic over the top is the brawl that became a photo session.
The two battled to the outside and came across a huge painting of a lake. Chuck declared, “I’m gonna drown you!” and slammed Archie’s head into it. Chuck sheepishly admitted he thought it was real as Archie suddenly became inspired. He started posing in front of the painting while having photos taken. At first Chuck shoved him out of the way so he could do the same, but eventually the two were on the same page and doubled up on some pics.
This was all a master plan by Chuck Taylor to shove Archibald Peck into a pile of chairs.
For real, the highlight for me in all of this was Archie telling Bryce to stop counting them out. Bryce just accepted it and Chuck’s incredulous reaction was priceless.
1. ARCHIBALD PECK, EL HIJO DEL ICE CREAM, SCOTT PARKER, AND DASHER HATFIELD VS. ASHLEY REMINGTON, ICE CREAM JR., SHANE MATTHEWS, AND MR. TOUCHDOWN
MoonrakerOctober 26, 2014
Sometimes we’ll get a big tag match where they take preexisting teams and split them onto each side. That’s what we got here, albeit with Archie and Remington being counterparts. This whole match was filled with ridiculous and hilarious moments, including an impromptu Royal Rumble and referee Bryce Remsberg somehow being declared the winner of the entire match via Tombstone.
But my focus for this entry is probably the funniest moment in CHIKARA history.
El Hijo del Ice Cream and Ice Cream Jr. chose to hug it out rather than fight. Archie and Remington dragged them away out of annoyance, only to turn around and hug each other. Bryce, attempting to make them stop hugging, initiated a count. As you can guess, they let go right after he got to one. Continuity!
Remington playfully did a finger-gun gesture at Archie with a wink and a smile. Rather than be charmed, Archie took it literally, yelling, “AHH! YOU SHOT ME!” El Hijo screamed in the presence of the invisible wound. Remington looked around in frantic confusion with his hand still in finger-gun form as his teammates and various people in the audience ducked for cover.
As this played out, Archie stood back up and pulled out his own finger-gun. With revenge on his mind, he slowly pointed it towards Remington. Then, at the last second, Bryce dove in front Remington and took the non-existent bullet. He landed, lifeless, in the center of the ring while all eight wrestlers stared in shock and the crowd chanted, “YOU KILLED BRYCE!”
All eight wrestlers, all at the same time, silently slinked out of the ring and slowly made their way to the back, trying to wash their hands of it all. That is, all but Shane Matthews, who looked over Bryce’s dead body and yelled, “Guys! WE CAN CHEAT!”
Then they all let loose a bunch of chokes, backrakes, eye-gouges, purple nurples, and so on as the match continued.
God, I love this company.
Gavin Jasper probably should have included at least one Estonian Thunderfrog match. That guy is great. Follow Gavin on Twitter!