34 Articles You’ll Never See On Den Of Geek

While we try and keep it varied at Geek, there are some pitches that just invite the blue pencil...

Don't hold your breath for The Friends Ready Reckoner.

Den of Geek Loves Andie McDowellEspecially that final scene in Short Cuts where she didn’t ruin the entire movie or anything, honest. What range.

Alan Alda’s 10 Greatest ScenesA must-read for fans of TV movies everywhere.The Den of Geek Interview: Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown. We chat to the foul-mouthed funster about strong female role models in sci-fi and his love of Billy Bragg’s oeuvre.

Friends Ready ReckonerFirst up, The One Where We Couldn’t Give A Shit.52 Reasons The Dark Knight will be a waste of your money They spent all that budget, and there’s hardly any visible CGI! Shame on them!The Dr. Who Pyjamas Ready ReckonerWe review and rate all the licensed Timelord-centric bed-wear coming to an ASDA near you – so whether it’s Sontaran slippers, or those Judoon jammies you’re after, we’ll let you know what we think.

Bring back Geraldo! We miss his chat-show genius…

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Why Don’t You Go Out And Do Something Less Boring Instead?Movies? Video Games? TV? Pah! Get out and play football in the sunshine, it’s what we’d do.

Orson Welles: Not That Good…Self explanatory, dontchyathink?

Why Ed Norton Should Be Allowed To Script All His Movies After his triumphant contribution to The Incredible Hulk, John Moore reckons that Ed Norton should be given freedom to tamper with all of his scripts.

The DoG Campaign To Include More Cut Scenes In Video Games Because interactivity’s overrated, and not at all what we want from our games consoles.

47 Great Moments from My FamilyIncluding Zoe Wannamaker’s greatest one-liners, all the cliches, all the ‘borrowed’ gags and more.

Stop This Videogames Menace!!!Somebody think of the children!!!

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The Martin Anderson Column: Sex & The City Special Our favourite cerebral cult columnist confesses his crush on Carrie and Co.

Paul Ross’ Movie RoundupInsightful and not-at-all-paid-for commentary on the week’s new movies.

Wii Games: Pippa Funnell’s Take The ReinsLooking for some equine action? Put that German DVD down and play this instead.Overrated: The Mighty BooshEels? A bloke called Naboo? Hair? Songs? Give us a break… All a bitgay if you ask us.

Den of Geek’s Guide To The Olympics‘Cause we’ve got nothing better to do for a month than watch archery,synchronised swimming, pentathlon, skulling and all the action from the velodrome.

32 1/2 Reasons Not To Make Iron Man IIWell, for a start the first one wasn’t that good…

The Perez Hilton Ready ReckonerThe portly celebwhore’s greatest blog posts put under the DoG microscope.

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Comics: Waste Of Money…And they just lay about under the bed collecting dust, I don’t know… It’s all a bit childish if you ask us, spending all your money on cartoons. Aren’t you too old for that anyway? Get a job!

4532 Reasons Jude Law should be the next Dr. Who We love him so… And Alfie was great, wasn’t it?

612 Reasons the Internet is a flash in the pan It’ll never catch on, y’know.

Why Battlefield Earth RulesJohn Travolta with dreadlocks? Genius. Sign us up…

Geek Hall of Fame: Joel Schumacher’s Batman & Robin A worthy addition, we think you’ll agree… Cool!

Stop Stephen Moffat!Something must be done before he ruins Dr. Who by taking out all references to the main character’s sexuality, hairstyle and clothes, removes the copious nods to naff pop culture and turns our favourite bit of Teatime fluff back into serious sci-fi.

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Who The Hell Does Guillermo Del Torro Think He Is? Hellboy was OK, but let’s face it, he’s no Uwe Boll…

Overrated: Bruce LeeNot that hard at all: Jason Statham’d kick his scrawny dead ass.

Jane Campion to direct Hostel V? A radical departure for the feminist film-maker…

An Open Love Letter From DoG To All PSP Fanboys…‘Cause we respect you all and your insightful assessments of our articles – shall we make babies now?

The Meg Ryan Hairstyle Ready ReckonerThe ‘Poodle’ from When Harry Met Sally: **** (4 Stars)

Patsy Palmer to replace Catherine Tate in Dr. Who“I hope to bring a little bit more of the Bonnie Langford’s back to the Tardis” says carrot-topped former Eastender. We can’t wait.

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