Reviews

South Park: Weiners Out Review

Pee-pee porn and flopping weiners: A South Park troll story.

By | October 13, 2016 | | 0

Forever the blueprint for a sturdy foundation of a South Park episode was Cartman championing something he doesn’t quite understand. And 9.9 out of 10 times he’d rally behind a cause or movement to his twisted advantage. I’m talking about crack babies and KFC, somali pirates, The Passion of the Christ (though he might have stayed on Mel Gibson’s message for that one), and putting Butters’ little slapstick in his mouth to prove he’s not gay. The list goes on and on, but we’re not here to pop member berries even if this is the show’s 20th season. The question that “Weiners Out” asks is, what happens when Cartman doesn’t try to game the system in a self-serving way?

There may be way more going on behind the scenes than the first four episodes indicate, but right now Cartman is positioned as the reluctant hero, something we never thought would happen in South Park. We know Cartman isn’t SkankHunt42. He has a girlfriend and possibly has seen a vagina, meaning he now fully understands that girls don’t have balls, proving that they’re so much more than ball-less creatures that occupy the other side of the playground. He thinks girls are funny. Hell, did you see the new Ghostbusters? Kate McKinnon! When Amy Schumer talks about her vagina, I lose my fucking mind, too. Cartman, swept away in the feminist movement, is effectively out of the game. He’ll return, as is foreshadowed in the closing moments of the episode, but that leaves a massive hole in South Park. When one butthole is taken out of the limelight, another rises in his place.

The cost of letting Cartman run his mouth for 20 seasons is an army of minions getting riled up in his absence over… guess what… something they don’t understand. The girls are fed up with the boys’ (really Gerald’s trolling) behavior, and the boys are pushing back on the grounds that they shouldn’t be shamed for their gender. In South Park’s most on point social satire of the season, you get an angry Butters poking his little slapstick ding dong out of his pants and raising his fist in solidarity with his male brethren.

Remember last season when everything got PC in a hurry? The un-PC movement is back, and PC Principal is sitting in his office in a PC pretzel. In a masterful way, this is Matt and Trey again showing how two sides try to manipulate the rules to win an argument. The girls are mad at the boys for their protest and want repercussions, yet PC Principal allowed their volleyball protest in episode one. It would be unfair for PC Principal to disallow the boys their freedom of expression, even if they’re flopping more weiners than a George R.R. Martin adaptation. And can we really be body-shaming little boys? See, a fucking PC Pretzel.

All of this remains a product of Gerald’s sick obsession with trolling. He’s on the cusp of anonymity for now, but the “watching porn on the internet” defense is only going to end in more splashes of Sheila’s golden stream in his potty mouth. A worthy punishment for a filthy troll.

With Cartman out of commission, we’re left with dangling weiners, popped member berries, and desperate trolls. Don’t you dare fault Gerald, Butters, Heidi Turner, or the snake in the grass feminist girls. Never forget that this is still Eric Cartman’s South Park, one we’ve been building up to for decades.