Downton Abbey: Episode Three Review

Tonight’s episode of Downton Abbey showcased the dating styles of three generations of Crawley women in “what might have been” with the Dowager Countess & White Beard, “what was” with Lady Mary & Tony McBadLay, and “what could be” with Countess Cora & the Art Fetishist.

TAKE US FROM THE TOP:                                                    

We begin post-coital with Lady Mary and Tony Gillingham, thinking they are so sly by ordering room service at the exact same time to their separate but adjoining rooms. Lady Mary foreshadows they’ll get caught by saying something like “I can’t believe we got away with this week long tryst, now where’s my hat?” She then frowns at him in a way that could only mean that if this was 2015 instead of 1924, Edith would have texted Mary with a hopeful eggplant emoji and she would have replied with a Shrimp Cocktail and Sad Face.

BEST SCENE OF THE NIGHT:

Everyone’s pretend grandmother and best friend Maggie Smith aka The Dowager Countess finds out about her favorite granddaughter’s lewd tête-à-tête (surprise!) and is none too pleased that Lady Mary took her sexuality out of the 1800s and into her own hands. Lady Mary then gives Granny the smuggest stink eye I’ve ever seen I would have applauded had I not been double fisting wine.

BIG CLOSER: 

High and mighty Dowager Countess runs into THE ONLY MAN SHE’S LOVED OTHER THAN HER HUSBAND. Or so we assume by her squirming and stammering. Never one to miss an opportunity, Lady Mary uses this against her dear Grandmama to remind her that this mean they are practically the same and her grandma must totally get where Mary was coming from by sleeping with a dude just to try out the merchandise before purchase and oh look, here’s your carriage, bye bye Granny! 

OTHER OBSERVATIONS OF RANDOM MOMENTS IN THE EPISODE:

Countess Cora Crawley looked happier than I’ve seen her in three seasons strolling around with Simon Bricker and talking about art… I mean herself. 

“Anna, I wouldn’t shake your hand, let alone let you address me informally so can you take my used diaphragm that clearly makes you uncomfortable every time we talk about it and hold onto it for me so it can be found in a dramatic way at a later date? Thanks doll.”

“Daisy can’t do school today, Miss Bunting, because Lady Rose wants more lemons! So instead of teaching her math, why don’t you just go upstairs and insult everyone and kick Lord Grantham’s dog Isis in the head on your way out!” to which Miss Bunting replied something like: “I’ll do my best!” 

***

I give this episode 4 out of 5 stars. It lost a star for once again dragging Edith around by her teeth and making us say “Poor Edith” even though she practically stalked a perfectly good family. I feel sorry for the way everyone feels sorry for her, even the downstairs staff and would love nothing more than a spinoff show where Edith kicks down a door and yells “poor me?! No, poor you!” and then beats up whoever was on the other side of that door.

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