Downton Abbey: Season 5, Episode 4 Review

This week’s episode confirmed what we assumed last week; that Tony McBadLay was an apt nickname, Countess Cora would get in deeper with the Art Fetishist, and so would the Dowager Countess with her male companion (I’d use his actual name but he wears a pinky ring, so he doesn’t deserve a name).

We also learned that the dreadful Mr. Bates the Murderer storyline isn’t going anywhere and neither is the unfortunate and static Thomas the Tortured Twink story (seriously, give him a boyfriend already!).

TAKE US FROM THE TOP:

Edith is at least 50 years too early to be slapped with a restraining order for stalking her daughter, but she got as close as she could and will now belabor the ordeal for the rest of this season and into the next. Oh and Shrimpy is visiting. Because why the hell not.

BEST SCENE OF THE NIGHT:

Tony Gillingham asking Lady Mary “Am I a bad lay?” as if the answer isn’t obvious by the fact that she said she loved you and slept with you, and now has changed her mind. I love the nervous ninny’s that these strong Crawley women turn men into. I would watch seven seasons of “The Bachelorette: Downton Abbey.”

BIG CLOSER:

Miss ARE YOU KIDDING ME NO ONE IS THIS RUDE Bunting was back for dinner for more free food and a chance to punch the host in the face, and boy did she. While Robert got his last word by stomping off, Miss Bunting had Daisy come up and speak about how wonderful her teaching has been. While that is true, it doesn’t take away from the fact that she’s the worst guest I’ve ever seen. Tom, dump her already. Isn’t there one Communist in that town with table manners?

OTHER OBSERVATIONS OF RANDOM MOMENTS IN THE EPISODE:

• I almost feel like I’m cheating myself when I say this, but Simon Bricker will you just kiss Countess Cora already? But make sure Isis the Dog isn’t in the room, because that would just be rubbing salt in the wound.
• Lady Mary needs to be put in her place time and again, and I appreciate Tony Gillingham’s ex being the one to do it. Lady Mary is reckless with people’s feelings – both romantic and not romantic – and I’m waiting for her to be taken down a peg in an upcoming episode.
• I love the changes happening downstairs with Daisy and her new knowledge leading the charge. Daisy was eloquent in explaining how important her education was to Lord Grantham, but not unbelievably eloquent, which I think is difficult to write.

I give this episode three out of five stars. It gained a star for every awkward pause it left in the episode, including the one where Anna dramatically looks into Lady Mary’s mirror at herself after Lady Mary had already left the room. But it lost a star when Edith SWF her own daughter to such an extreme that we no longer feel sorry for her. She had a good arrangement going and she blew it. It lost a star by trying to make us be all “Oh no, is Bates going to get in trouble for killing a rapist?” because if Twitter has anything to say about it, none of us care and think he was justified, and want to just moveon.org.