The Crawling Ear column: the Ramones live album drinking game

Well, it’s been two days since that utterly insane 2008 Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony and I’m still totally wiped out. I didn’t actually attend, but I watched a few clips on Youtube and that was just mentally exhausting. If you had told me five years ago I would one day see the reunited Stooges performing Madonna covers with Mike Watt on bass to the delight of Madge herself and lap boy Justin Timberlake, well shit! I would have told you to shut the hell up, Chickee. Truth really is stranger than fiction.

I’m not gonna do a column proper today. Rather, I’m going to share with you a fun little activity you can share with your alcoholic punk rocker pals. It’s called the Ramones Live Album Drinking Game, and it goes like this:

Buy a Ramones live album. Any of ‘em will do. Get some beer. Get some friends. Throw that sucker on and follow the instructions. Have fun getting plowed!

Take a sip:

If the CD starts with the music from The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly Every time Dee Dee/C.J. shouts, “1-2-3-4!” Every time Joey introduces a song by awkwardly saying its name Every time Joey mispronounces Dee Dee’s name as “Dee Tay” Every time Joey inserts extra syllables into a one syllable word (“dog” = “daw-hawgg!”) Every time Joey mentions chicken vindaloo, mental institutions, or surfing Every time Johnny refuses to play a guitar solo

Chug two mouthfuls:

Every time Dee Dee/C.J. counts off in German Every time Joey mentions what city/state/country the band is in Every time Joey is too lazy to sing the complete chorus of “Blitzkrieg Bop” Every time Joey skips a song’s entire verse in favor of a few “yeahs” Every time Johnny attempts to play a guitar solo

Chug an entire can:

If C.J. sings two songs in a row If Dee Dee sings any songs If you hear Eddie Vedder, Chris Cornell, or any member of Rancid singing If they don’t play “I Wanna Be Sedated” Every time you hear Joey attempting to convince the audience the venue was built atop a pet semetary

The ultimate step: if any of the Ramones start playing or singing a different song than they’re supposed to and they have to stop and start the song over, shoot Budweiser directly into your veins with the nearest hypodermic needle.

Gabba Gabba Twelve Step Program!