The Crawling Ear: Another iPod shuffle

Feeling uninspired/unmotivated/super flippin’ lazy this week, so here’s a quick trip through the bowels of my iPod courtesy of that wonderful shuffle feature.L.A. Girl by the AdolescentsBratty So-Cal punks complaining about vapid area chick. This song makes me think of Club Paris, because the first time I really listened to it I was stuck in traffic outside Ms. Hilton’s then-newly opened nightspot near Church Street in my adopted hometown of Orlando, FL. Is that wretched place still open?  Orlando, I mean.  I thought they shut it down last year for having too many Wal-Marts.  Anyway, before this gridlock, I usually skipped over “L.A. Girl” to get to the four songs I consider the real hot spot of Adolescents – “Kids of the Black Hole,” “No Way,” “Amoeba,” and “Word Attack.”  Nowadays, I pretty much give this sucker the full listen.

Take It by GlueciferThe second cut from their final album, Automatic Thrill. A real rocker in every sense of the word. If this song were meat in a supermarket, it would probably be half a pound of ground chuck. Weird choral effect in the background. Very faint, though.Secret Agent Man by Mel TorméThe Velvet Fog takes on a rock n’ roll number with satisfying results. I always thought it was an interesting plot device on “Night Court” that Judge Harold T. Stone was obsessed with Mel Tormé. Tormé even did a few guest spots. That was cool. “Night Court” was a very funny show, I thought. High rewatchability factor.  Did you people ever have it in the U.K.?  Are you familiar with this thirty minute comedic wonder that featured Richard Moll, John Larroquette, and (occasionally) a pre-“Next Generation” Brent Spiner?  “Night Court” was solid gold, baby.  If it ain’t on your TV, find some episodes online and git dowwwwwwwwn.Take ‘Em Up by the NecrosSong lamenting the addition of handi-capable parking. “When I go to the store, I can’t park in front anymore.” Fast, funny, and not insanely offensive. Better than most of the Necros stuff I’ve heard.

The Ballad of Gilligan’s IslandThis is actually a rap version from an album called Rerun Rock. Came out in the eighties, I think. Found it online. Not quite as good as the Led Zeppelin-style version of “George of the Jungle.” A little too generic in its attempt to sound authentic. Not enough hard scratching.She Loves You by the Beatle BarkersDogs barking Beatles songs. Better than sex, money, cheeseburgers, farts, and skydiving combined. So awful and offensive it’s hilarious. I don’t think this track has stray goat noises like some of the others. I gave this entire album to my Paul McCartney-obsessed friend Michael for Christmas one year.  Quoteth Michael, “Didn’t get past the first thirty seconds.”

I Was a Teenage Fuckup [CLEAN] by Really RedSpeaking of unnecessary animal noises, the naughty words in this song are muted by frog ribbits and kitten mews. I love animals, even when they’re screwing up the greatest songs.

Combat Love by ShrapnelSpeedy, kinda limp-wristed love song that takes place in ‘Nam. I think the guy from Monster Magnet sang in this band. I know producer Daniel Rey was one of their guitarists. He’s a very underrated behind-the-scenester. I wonder if Danny worked the knobs on this song? It sounds remarkably clear for a shitty seventies punk single. I’ll be sure to ask him in the inevitable interview I’ll conduct with him before I die.Fuck Off (the Dirty Rooster) by Slim GallardMore dumb-ass animal noises. Blues hound noodles around with a guitar while clucking something very close to the title.The Ballad of Obi Wan (OB-1) by the Rebel Force BandFrom Living in These Star Wars, an incredibly terrible prog rock/disco fusion album that came out in 1978. This bland gem starts with a booming voice-over proclaiming, “Long before the wars, there was a man who walked among the stars. He knew the incredible power of the Force. He used it, he taught it, and died to preserve it for the good of all free worlds.” I want all of that engraved on my tombstone. Although I have yet to uncover any evidence proving it, my theory is the Rebel Force Band was just the Doobie Brothers in disguise, only all on different instruments and really, really high. 

Check out the Crawling Ear every Wednesday at Den Of Geek. The last Crawling Ear can be found here.