Look, we get it. Holiday shopping is a drag. It doesn’t have to be though. For example, check out these December-appropriate gifts that would even cure Ebenezeer Scrooge of his seasonal affection disorder.
Doctor Who TARDIS Formal Suit
You’re going to want to look stylish at holiday parties this year, and you may as well dress time-wimey while you’re at it. Fear not then, because Fun.com has got you. Their TARDIS suit will make you a topic of conversation no matter where in space-time you find yourself this Yuletide season. And the best bit? Check this out:
The inside of the suit jacket features imagery of the TARDIS’ interior. (Although, much to the delight of tailors across the galaxy, it’s not actually bigger on the inside). The suit jacket and pants are sold separately, but Fun.com is offering Den of Geek readers a discount on this and some of their DC and Marvel formal wear as well here through 12/31, so you have no excuse not to look your nerdy best when Santa shows up.
The Flash Holiday Sweater
Grant Gustin or Ezra Miller? That question is this year’s Frosty or Rudolph? Not that you have to decide. Instead, focus on how cool it is that pop culture in 2017 has not one but two Flashes racing to entertain you. And if you want to show your love for the character this year, we highly recommend this festive holiday sweater from Fun.com that is available in a variety of sizes. Run (super fast), don’t walk to get this one.
Labyrinth Christmas Disk Ornament 3-Pack
Labyrinth remains a great example of the genius that can occur when you work outside of your comfort zone. It would have been easy for Jim Henson to only focus on Muppet-based projects in his too-brief lifetime, but this 1986 effort proved that his imagination truly knew no boundaries. Of course, any discussion of the film would not be complete without mentioning David Bowie’s masterful performance as Jareth, the Goblin King. Creepy and alluring all at once, the character is one of cinema’s best. Fun.com presents this three pack of ornaments featuring images from the film that will have your Christmas tree doing the Magic Dance.
Porg Christmas Sweatshirt
While we wait for the inevitable officially licensed Porg Christmas sweater, this copyright-defying knockoff sweatshirt will have to do. Available in a variety of colors via Amazon, this unisex polyester/cotton blend is the perfect item to wear to see The Last Jedi in…for the first or fortieth time.
Gudetama Santa Claus Hat
When the Hello Kitty merchandising witches at Sanrio created the depressed egg character Gudetama, they tapped into something deep and primordial within our jaded, dead hearts. Naturally then, this wearable Yuletide embodiment of the DO NOT WANT mindset is an ideal gift idea for anybody in your life who thinks that “Christmas Wrapping” shit the bed by having a happy resolution.
Game of Thrones Christmas Sweatshirt
Hallmark Keepsake 2017 Thor: Ragnarok Hulk Ornament
While you debate whether or not Thor: Ragnarok is this year’s best superhero film or not (it is), we will be staring lovingly at this Gladiator Hulk ornament just released by Hallmark. Although he is clearly posed for combat with Thor — represented in festive fashion 2017 holiday fashion here — we’re thinking of skipping buying the Asgardian so it looks like Hulk is running to hug our tree. Cool sandals too.
Star Wars Christmas Party Suit
For anyone wondering why this specific list of holiday items is so heavily weighted towards Star Wars, we think you’ll figure that out once December 15th rolls around. As for the rest of you, we somewhat regretably point you in the direction of the above monstrosity because we just know that there’s one douchebag on your shopping list who will just think this is clever to no end. He’s the same dude who was running around saying “my wifeeeee” until 2015, and he probably voted for Trump and he’s awful and doesn’t even deserve to live in our current golden age of entertainment. You know what? Fuck this dude. You don’t need him in your life, giving you Young Sheldon recaps and sports injury updates. Spend the money you would on him doing literally anything else. We hope he burns in the hell that knowing him is. Fucker.
Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar
We’re not even going to pretend like we aren’t freaking out over the impending release of Star Wars: The Last Jedi. The fact that we know it’s coming right before Christmas is helping us to deal with our holiday-related anxiety a lot more than usual this year. As is the above Star Wars Advent Calendar that is crammed with Lego goodness from a galaxy far, far away — 24 days of gifts in fact. And in a true Yuletide miracle, this set is actually relatively affordable, so we may just get one for ourselves as one to give away. And that snowboarding BB-8 from the box art better be included or there will be hell to pay!
A Die Hard Christmas: The Illustrated Holiday Classic
“Ho Ho Ho, motherfucker!” We’re willing to bet that you’ll hear those words in reference to this book pretty much non-stop over the next month. And why the hell not? Die Hard is one of the world’s best-loved Christmas movies, and it is leaning in to this Yuletide staple thing pretty hard with the release of this Golden Books-inspired offering from Insight Editions. From writer/comedian Doogie Horner (whose 100 Ghosts is also a pretty damn solid stocking stuffer) and illustrator J.J. Harrison, A Die Hard Christmas: The Illustrated Holiday Classicrewrites the 1988 action classic as a whimsical Seussian effort that you can lull the little ones to sleep with, well if they like extreme violence and the occasional F-bomb anyway. Sample passage: John was able to escape through the ventilation shafts. “Come out to the coast,” he sighed. “We’ll have a few laughs.” SOLD
Basket Case Ornament
Frank Henenlotter’s 1982 horror film Basket Case is pretty much the most UnChristmassy thing we can possibly think of. Filmed in New York City when the metropolis was still a den of endless crime and porn theaters, the movie concerns a man and his deformed brother whom he keeps in a wicker basket as they seek revenge against the doctors who forcibly separated the once-Siamese twins. It’s a film that is as disgusting as it is lovable, and one whose reputation has only grown for the better over the years. (Which is one of the reasons it was recently celebrated at NYC’s Museum of Modern Art). However, unlike say The Big Lebowski, Basket Case has yet to be ruined by overzealous fans. We’re giving you all this context because we genuinely don’t know how to feel about Middle of Beyond’s Christmas ornament which gives the movie’s maniacal killer Belial a decidedly Christopher Radko makeover. On one hand, the company also has ornaments for equally loved flicks like Phantasm and Evil Dead 2, so this is totally on brand for them. But part of us worries that we are just a few hipsters discovering the flick away from quote-along screenings and, God help us all, burlesque tributes to the film. It’s wonderdul for sure, but what we’re also saying is that the existence of this ornament could also be the first step on the path to Basket Case‘s ruin. But honestly, we’re still planning to hang this up on our tree. Just with much trepidation and dread. So hey, maybe it’s perfect for the holidays after all!