The Vampire Diaries: I Could Never Love Like That Review

Until her recently-announced departure actually takes place, it’s going to be hard to watch The Vampire Diaries without holding our breath to see just how Nina Dobrev’s Elena winds up taking her leave of Mystic Falls and the super-hot vampire boy toys who dwell thereabouts. Will she be made human? Will she be killed? Will the ghost of Aunt Jenna show up and poignantly offer her a scoop of ice cream as they walk off into a prison dimension together as Alaric watches, rending his garments and massaging his own nipples through a cloud of tears? All options but the last one seem possible (and more is the pity, frankly.)

With Damon’s acquisition of the ascendant (sometimes I look at phrases I type while writing about this show and it makes my brain want to explode, but like, in a good way) I don’t think I was alone in tentatively figuring that Elena was going to be turned into a human being in the ultimate demonstration of love, courtesy of the foxiest Salvatore (sorry all you Stefan lovers out there, I just don’t get it). But with this week’s handing over of said ascendant to mama Lilly in the hopes of bringing Stefan back to the world of humanity, that idea seems to have been tabled. Is it temporary? I certainly hope so. A dead Elena is not how I want to see Dobrev leave the show.

This week’s episode proves that while a humanity-free Caroline and Stefan are fun together, they are only fun together for about two to three weeks before they become eye-rollingly predictable together. I mean, only Caroline would turn off her humanity and force her exes to compete in a trivia contest where she was the subject at hand in a battle for their lives. While we’re obviously going to have a wait a little while for Caroline to come back to her Type-A goody-two-shoes self, Lilly luring Stefan back into the brooding fold was definitely half of the necessary equation. I also enjoyed this trivia session because it made me really just how much Caroline has gotten around, dickly speaking. Girlfriend has gotten hers, you guys! And that was with her humanity fully in check!

Was anyone else not remotely surprised that Lilly brought Stefan back to himself? Was anyone else not remotely surprised that scowling Damon took Elena’s advice and tried to reconnect and trust his mother? We’ve gotta get back to Mama Lilly’s throng of well-dressed dessicated vamps, stat! I needs it. Especially with this week’s revelation that they are part-witch part-vampires tossed out of the Gemini Coven. If I’d been wearing pearls I would have clutched them and gasped with melodramatic delight at this revelation. Less familial drama and more throat ripping out, I say!