The Simpsons: Steal This Episode, Review

SPOILER ALERT: Corksucking Fox. Here it is five minutes into what should be the new Simpsons and they’re still running The Game Wrapup. The fucking game wrapped up. Fox does this all the time to the Simpsons, they’ve been on for 25 years and they’ll run it from the middle. They’ll start Bob’s Frog Legs at the beginning and The Simpsons won’t be on On Demand until the middle of the week. The fucking game wrap-up. People aren’t watching. If they saw the game, they’re in the bathroom now. If they didn’t see the game, SPOILER ALERT the 49ers won. Either way, whoever is watching Fox right now wants to see th-

It’s on and they started it from the beginning. Thank you Fox, who brings us The Simpsons.

SPOILER ALERT: “Steal This Episode” is all about SPOILER ALERTs and the biggest criminals of all:  Copyright infringers. According to Wikisimpsons, the synopsis is “Homer becomes annoyed with movie theaters, so Bart teaches him how to download movies illegally. Homer is delighted with his discovery of free movies until he’s caught for piracy. Deputy Director Gratman, the FBI’s anti-piracy boss, is tasked with hunting down Homer, who stands accused of illegally downloading a film.”

I put quotes around that so it isn’t stealing.

Homer gets blocked from the water-cooler because he missed the rebooted deboot of Radioactive Man Re-Rises. Being blocked from the water-cooler is like being shunned was in older societies. It is shame, the kind of shame you used to have to be put in stocks to experience in years past. He speaks for us all in “Steal This Episode,” whether we’ve illegally downloaded movies or not. If you’re plugged in, you want to. And you know how. It’s easy. It’s so easy, it’s hard to resist. Just a few clicks and –

I was hoping it would be Green Bay, even at three points.

Not everything illegal is fun, but it does add a little spice to whatever you’re already enjoying. Whether you’re calling your bookie to bet against your favorite team or stealing a Bond movie where Bond just isn’t Bond anymore, it’s the cool whip on the pudding. Pudding. Stolen pudding is all the more sweet. But Hollywood says stealing from Hollywood is wrong and they ought to know, they’ve made more movies about stealing than Beverly’s got hills.

Crime only pays in the movies and justice is its own reward, at least for Marge. She drops dime on Homer out of her usual sense of righteous do-gooding. As a wife, Marge promised to love and honor, aid and abet. But she never abets. She enables, but never abets. No one knows the subtle subterfuge of the wronging wife as well as Marge Simpson and Julie Kavner tugs and pulls at the emotions like so many tugs and pulls on hair that’s been washed with prison soap. Even when Homer escapes from the prison he never made it to, she urges him to turn himself in. Years ago, when Homer and Monty Burns’ brother, played by Rodney Dangerfield, were on the run, Marge urged them to turn themselves in. In broad daylight. During a manhunt. Doing the right thing gets Marge in more trouble than doing the wrong thing does for Homer. But don’t worry, they’re both right.

Homer gets no comeuppance. He gets rewarded and why shouldn’t he? He is the Robin Hood of Springfield. He steals from the rich and takes out the commercials. Sure, there might be a grip who’s short a jet ski, but you show me one who isn’t already. Homer’s not the worst pirate there is. It’s not even the worst piracy he’s done. It’s not like he pirated Captain Phillips without the blooper reel. Piracy isn’t that bad really. You can get most first run movies on the street. Usually for as little as ten bucks.

Tony Stewart won the 2011 Martinsville Cup.

Will Arnett played Detective Gratman, the FBI’s anti-piracy boss (“I’m here to arrest and hopefully stage the prison suicide of the mastermind of this operation”). Judd Apatow, Leslie Mann, Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen and Channing Tatum all represented the best Tinseltown had to offer and Judas Priest’s Rob Halford brought crocodile tears to the eyes of Swedish meatballs.

“Steal This Episode” was written by J. Stewart Burns.

But It All Went By So Fast: Abe is eating Senior Mints. Ask Neon Spray is available in Fusion Nights, Arctic Sluts, Morning After Melon and Elon Musk. The guy who brought the baby to the movie is wearing an anti-pirate t-shirt. The sign at the Anti-Piracy offices of the FBI say Stop VHS Copying, DVD Ripping, and Finally Internet Downloading and Say No to Torrents. The movies the FBI are protecting are Sex Friends, AsBROnauts, Outlets, World War Zebra, Slug Family Robinson, Irving Christmas and Neptune Needs Nephews. At Cinema Pirate-Diso, Homer plays Cosmic Wars Episode VII, A NEW TAKE. Due to a rift in the space-time continuum, episodes I, II, and III never happened. The headlines of the Springfield Variety reads: Pirate Biopic Sets Sail and Tatum Receiving Gravy Milkshake Injections. The movie poster for the piracy movie is Streaming Valor: His only crime was breaking the law.

Den of Geek Rating: 4 Out of 5 Stars

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