The Simpsons: Labor Pains Review
Kids blow up so fast.
Finally, something named after Homer Simpson besides a law banning air horns after 3 a.m. A Homer Junior and it beats sitting around getting bullied by Moe in a friendly card game. It beat the family he’s got at home too, if only because it’s unexpected. That’s what you get for looking at the other people on the elevator.
Homer does what he almost always does in situations like this, he delivers a baby on an elevator. This kind of thing happens all the time and Homer does the ultimate improv. He goes with it. That’s what I love about him, he always goes with it. What could possibly go wrong? And nothing really did go wrong. And it gave Marge a chance to crash through a banner.
Bart promised us on the blackboard that Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember and “Labor Pains” is a Thanksgiving feast that’s a bargain at $19.95. Money doesn’t grow on trees, even if you are eating a bacon banana, it grows on threes, if you can bluff your way past Lenny’s 3D sunglasses. Homer deals himself out of the weekly card game and into a much more dangerous play. Elisabeth Moss plays Gretchen and unto her on this day in this elevator that was inspected in 2009, a baby is born all over Homer’s jacket. Telling Marge about it kind of slips Homer’s brain, a subsidiary of the penis.
Maggie has daddy issues. They go back to when Marge and Homer were declared unfit parents and the Simpson kids were given to a foster family. The best darned diddly family in Springfield. The Flanderses. They showered the kids with love and affection and read to Maggie ever night. Hell, they were even gone baptizin’, something no Simpson should have to suffer. Maggie still sees Ned as the top pop and with Homer all giving this new Junior kid all the ice cream, that just doesn’t pacify her. Homer could learn a lot from Itchy and Scratchy, whose cautionary tale “Cat’s in the Cradle” is mind-blowing in its foreshadowing.
Lisa, in the meantime, is out to spoil football. American football. But she’s doing it for a good cause. The cheerleaders. Those unsung, but chanted, balls of enthusiasm that hang on calendars all over Springfield. They’re getting a raw deal. They’d be working for peanuts if the peanut hawkers didn’t nut up once in a while. Their workout DVD is called “We didn’t get paid for this” for a kickoff. Lisa gets all Samuel Gompers on Texas Guy who’s fitting the cheery squad for a weekend in the bed-bug infested mascot costume. But the cheerleaders get support from their sister unions: The Weather Girls local 143 and the United Federation of Ungrateful Au Pairs.
But It All Went By So Fast: Homer gives Homer Jr. a toy he forgot to give to Bart that was guaranteed to get him into Harvard. They shop at Swapper Jack’s. The Atomettes’ poster say “Meltdown,” “Raise your core temperature” and “Chernobyl.” The protest signs read “No Money, No Honey,” “Cheering a Lousy Team is Work,” “This eye candy needs dental” and “Fair pay or no yay.” The American Football games are brought to you by Laramie Cigarettes, Krusty Burgers, Buzz Cola and Fox News. The crowd has “We’re just covering our eyes” on their bellies. The zoo is a “sad version of we bought ourselves a zoo.” The Cheerleader outros were “Tumbling Fails,” Cheer a pet (planter included), Atomettes phone card “Hold That Line,” Home pregnancy test (Gimme a EPT), “Doorways of Cheerleaders Homes,” the “Cheera Sutra” Ra Ra Raw Cookie Dough, “Fifty Shades of Yay,” and “How to talk So Cheerleaders Will Listen.”
“Labor Pains” was written by Don Payne & Mitchell H. Glazer.
Den of Geek Rating: 4 Out of 5 Stars
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Culture Editor Tony Sokol is a writer, playwright and musician. He contributed to Altvariety, Chiseler, Smashpipe, and other magazines. He is the TV Editor at Entertainment…