The Following: “Havenport”, Review

The pen is mightier than the sword... but what about chopsticks? Or maybe a really nice letter opener?

The Following thankfully has just two episodes left after tonight (for this season, at least). As I geared up for this evening’s episode, I kept thinking of a dental appointment I had a few weeks ago. In retrospect, that dental appointment was an overall far more enjoyable experience than any episode of The Following. But since my dentist’s office closes at 6pm, I had to watch this utterly ridiculous show that has made me ironically want to run away to a town in the Midwest where dancing is banned. A very beat up Weston recognizes Roderick while at the Sheriff’s office and identifies him before he pulls a pistol on the faux sheriff. Roderick has a gun pointed right at him, but he walks into a room filled with his blissfully ignorant co-workers. When they see Weston waving a gun around like a crazy man, deputies who still think Roderick is a legitimate officer of the law tackle our hero to the ground. Naturally Roderick gets away with absolutely no problem, thus proving the ineptitude of law enforcement for the 15th straight week.

Roderick knows that it is only a matter of time before the local cops and the Feds, led by Hardy, find Joe’s Wayne Manor-esque pad. It likely does not help that Joe spends his days there basically pining over his ex-wife, banging Emma the Pixie every few hours and laboring over a new book that I am sure is going to have a hard time finding a publisher.

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Hardy goes on TV and makes a promise that if any followers are willing to come forward and turn themselves in that they will get full immunity. There will be no prosecution for any of their wrong-doing. Roderick, already in a pissy mood, reacts by shoving Claire down and kidnapping Joey. Before leaving, he lets Joe know how unappreciated he feels and that they are all eff’d. Claire is going nuts that Joey has been kidnapped….again. Joe Senior assures her that he will find Roderick and bring little Joey back unharmed. Jacob is all of a sudden Joe’s number two and his first command is to kill Roderick for his betrayal. Jacob and two other idiots go to hunt down Roderick. Apparently, in a very short time, Jacob has gone from zero to hero and has become a super killer thanks to a weekend course after being betrayed by Emma. It really is difficult to find quality cult members these days. Agent Nick Donovan is upset that Ryan called his own press conference, although he admits that it was a pretty good idea. Just run this stuff by before doing it, m’kay? Doesn’t anyone get reprimanded in the Feds?

Roderick is in questioning by Hardy and he is playing coy, because he knows that he has little Joey Matthews stashed away somewhere. Roderick says that he will give Hardy little Joey if he gets his freedom. Bear in mind that Roderick has already killed two State Troopers in this episode without any significant repercussions. In the holding area, where Rod is being questioned, Ryan and the now-ousted number two are called on speaker. It’s nice when friends can all talk on a party line. Joe says if Roderick does anything to little Joey that he will peel the skin from his body. You know what? I do not buy it, because he has already lost all of his credibility. He has done nothing in regards to leading, except brood as a frustrated writer and give the occasional pep talk on killing. He is just a figurehead and it is his members that do all of his bidding. Joe just comes off as a pompous ass English professor; not as a mass murderer. If anything, Hardy seems more dangerous than anyone else.

Ryan unplugs the cameras in the interrogation room and tells Roderick to change into an FBI field agent hat and jacket. He says that he will cut him loose as long as he tells him where Joey is hidden. The one caveat is that Hardy has to ditch his sidearm and his phone. At this point, I think that Hardy has hidden a piece on his person. I am thinking it’s on his ankle, but you will have to wait for a few more paragraphs.

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Back at stately Joe Manor, Emma tries to rationalize that although she was in charge of Joey, it was not her fault that Roderick kidnapped him. Joe strikes her and she leaves asking, “what is wrong with you?” She is especially whiny, because she knows she is not getting any that night.

Hardy, under Roderick’s direction, goes to another house where the sicko toys with Hardy by telling him that Joey may or may not be there. Ryan is getting pissed but not to worry, Agent Weston (Iceman) was in the trunk of the police cruiser the whole time. What a twist! I haven’t seen that trick since—actually I am not going to list how many cop shows or movies have used this device.

Okay, so I was wrong. Hardy really did not have another gun on himself; he had Weston. Hardy hears Joey calling from the closet in which he is bound. Ryan rushes into untie the kid as Roderick takes out a hidden gun from underneath a couch cushion. A standoff ensues and Roderick is taken down by….Jacob and company! Years of undercover work blown after a little tiff with Joe and now Jacob and his squad of commandoes are taking out rogue members of the cult. Really? Naturally, the two more highly-trained followers get killed by Hardy, but Weston and Jacob manage to escape with little Joey. Two weeks ago, he couldn’t kill anyone, but now he is a sharp-shooting Clint Eastwood type. Hardy has another stand-off with Jacob in the woods as he is holding little Joey hostage. They exchange gunfire and, despite hearing sirens, Jacob escapes ON FOOT. These cops obviously trained with Mahoney, Hightower and Tackleberry.

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Claire is watching the footage of Joey being saved and is beside herself with joy. Joe Senior is disgusted that they have “Ryan bloody Hardy” to thank for it. Emma tries to mend fences with Jacob, but who really cares at this point? Claire interrupts Joe while he is typing away furiously at his “new novel.” Claire wants to make a deal to stay at the compound under one condition: she will stay with Joe, provided that he gives up Joey. No followers. Hey, they can change the name of the series to “Just the Two of Us”. They start to make out when, naturally, Claire stabs Joe really badly before two followers escort her out of the room. Joe calls Hardy, woozy, weak and drinking just to have someone to talk to. Joe is bleeding like a stuck pig and has called to tell Hardy that Claire is no longer the leading lady in their story. It is time for her to die.

A follower that saw Hardy’s plea on the news wants to talk. Of course, the world’s top crime stopping team falls for her plea and she stabs Agent Donovan in the eye with the chopstick holding her hair up. A chopstick straight to the eye in front of five highly trained agents and that was the end of the episode.

I am at a loss already for The Following and do not know how it can possibly continue as such a total predictable mess of a series.

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