11. Tom’s Rhinoplasty
A hilarious episode here, as Mr Garrison gets a nose job and Wendy, the object of Stan’s affections, totally loses it.
When Mr Garrison takes some time off work, his substitute teacher turns out to be an irresistible babe, voiced by Natasha Henstridge (she of Species, err, fame). The boys are bowled over by Ms Ellen, which instantly has Wendy in a rage and struggling in vain to impress the boys with new and sexy outfits. She also gives a few strict warnings to the substitute teacher along the lines of “Don’t fuck with me!”
The reason Mr Garrison is absent from school, it transpires, is that he’s having a nose job. There’s a brilliant scene here in which the surgeon removes the bandages post-op and Mr Garrison says he feels nauseous. The surgeon mentions blood and bone and sinew cracking apart, but the thing that finally makes Garrison throw up is the mention of the film Contact with Jodie Foster (“I waited through that entire movie to see the alien and it was her god-damn father.”).
As opposed to simply having a nicer nose, Garrison ends up with the face of David Hasselhoff, which makes him a magnet for the town’s women. With his newfound beauty he soon embarks on a fast, smack-fuelled modelling career.
Meanwhile, the kids have got it into their heads that Stan is going to end up making sweet love with Ms Ellen down by the fire, thanks in no small part to Chef, who has already worked out that Ms Ellen might just prefer the company of women.
As a reward for doing well in a test, Ms Ellen takes Stan out to dinner, which has Wendy giving up all hope of ever being with him again. She calls a truce and apologises for her behaviour, but it’s far from over.
Towards the end of the episode, a gang of Iraqi soldiers burst into the school claiming that Ms Ellen is a fugitive wanted for the slaughter of hundreds of people. They drag her back kicking and screaming, only to have her loaded into a rocket and fired into the centre of the sun. This, we soon learn, was the work of Wendy, who had the whole thing set up in order to get rid of the substitute and reclaim her man.
Another solid episode with a tight plot, surreal moments and plenty of laughs.
Favourite bit: Wendy’s threat of “Stay away from my man, bitch!” after which she skips out of the classroom calling, “Bye, Ms Ellen!” in an innocently sweet voice.
Read our review of episode 10 here.