Are you ready to be emo? I mean seriously emo; sitting in the dark, crying, listening to The Cure, while drinking absinthe, and putting on eye liner. That emo. Wait, is that goth? Ah, who cares? The point is that this is a sad episode of Sons of Anarchy. Yes, filled with sadness. Sad clowns, rain clouds, crying babies, grab your box of tissues and brace for sad spoilers of extreme sadness.
Are you sitting down?
Chibs fucks the lady Sheriff on the hood of her car, in a parking garage, during the middle of the day, while one of the lesser Sons watches. Not what you were expecting? Not to worry, the episode gets sadder. Actually, this particular encounter is pretty pathetic considering he does it at her request to prove that he has feelings for her. Iew. Now, being the progressive feminist that I am, I know we should not slut shame other ladies who choose to empower their kink. But. Iew. Instead, I will just shame the lady Sherriff for her emotional immaturity. Prove that you love me by grudge fucking me in front of that tall dude who barely has one line per episode? Jesus Christ. Grow up and embrace passive aggressive silent treatment like a motherfucking adult.
Moving on, what else was sad about this very special episode? One of the prison guards has to get really close to Juice’s butt and uses a flashlight to inspect his sack (shaved, would be my guess). Where the heck was I when that call for extras went out? Hell, I would have done that scene for free. Anywho. The same guard then made Juice smuggle a shank into prison. You will note that he was naked and had no pockets. Aw. Yeah. Completely gratuitous, which is exactly how I like my butt smuggling. Poor Juice (I sure say that a lot), he ends up in solitary, all by his lonesome, with no one except his butt shank to keep him company. And we all know Juice is weak, chock full of PTSD, and unable to handle isolation. I have a feeling that his time alone ends badly.
Less sad (but holding a strong promise of future tears), was when the Indian Hills charter showed up and they were all like, “You shot our President in the face.” And Jax was all like, “It wasn’t me, it was the one armed man.” And the Indian Hills charter were all like, “You’re a dick, and we’re going to bring you to motorcycle gang justice using due process.”
Which, if you think about it, is kind of weird. The club is called Sons of ANARCHY. Holding Jax to account in front of a jury of his peers seems to be the farthest thing from anarchy possible, but whatever. Now, wouldn’t it be hilarious if Jax literally lost everything in his pursuit of vengeance for Tara? His business, his friends, and finally his club would be all gone before he learned that all of it stemmed from Gemma’s lie? That would be hilarious. And good motivation for suicide. Which, Sutter has been hinting at in his not so subtle way.
Doesn’t that make you sad? Really, really sad? Not yet? Well get the tissues ready because here it comes. Jax makes a deal with August to get Bobby back. He agrees to give August the preacher’s body, the tape of the preacher taking it up the butt (recurring theme, anyone?), and to bring the preacher’s stepson to the exchange. Only August is August. Which means no one, least of all Jax, should have been surprised when he blew Bobby’s brains out.
And so it is we bid a fond farewell to Mark Boone “Bobby Elvis” Junior. Yes, the grizzled old beating heart of the Sons has died. Goddamn Sutter, you couldn’t just leave him to limp out the rest of the series, lame? No, you had to kill him, in Jax’s arms no less. On a scale of one to fucked up, that was fucked up.
Bobby’s death had the expected effect of making Gemma crazier with grief and guilt. Able, who has a near psychic level of timing, has once again wandered out where he can witness his grandma make more ill-conceived confessions of guilt. Jax decides to get August framed for the murder of the preacher (most of which was still buried on the construction site). Mostly because Billy Brown has other obligations and will have to contribute to plot from off-stage.
The unexpected effect of Bobby’s death? I was sad. Like really, really, sad. Sadder than when Opie died. He was a great character, and I am sorry to see him get thrown into the wood chipper, alongside Tara and everything else Jax loves. Sons of Anarchy is, after all, a tragedy. And Bobby’s murder, for Gemma’s lie, was tragic indeed.