Sons of Anarchy Season 7 Premiere Review

The final season of Sons of Anarchy gets off to a blazing start...

Tonight marks the beginning of the end for Sons of Anarchy fans. “Black Widower,” the premiere episode, gives us a little taste of what promises to be a rough ride for the final season.

As you might remember, season six featured the trademark PTSD-inducing plot of which writer/creator Kurt Sutter is famous for. Nothing was off limits, and there was no letting up off the tension. Balls to the wall? Oh, you betchya.

In his effort to get the Sons out of guns, Jax pulled out all the stops. He betrayed the Irish, killed Gaelan and straight up executed Clay. He managed to play the gangs one against the other, until he got his outcome. August got guns, the Sons got porn. Only the Sons never seem to get away clean. Indeed, Tara was still on the hook for Otto murdering the prison nurse. She spent the majority of season six trying to escape the Sons; faking miscarriages, going on the lamb, trying to snitch to the DA.

In the end Jax may have gotten the Sons out from under the thumb of the Irish, but he had to cede Tara’s point; the mother of his children should not go to prison for helping with club business. At the last minute, Jax agreed to take the fall so that Tara could walk free. He made the deal with the DA himself.

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Too bad he never called mommy dearest and told her the plan. By the season finale, Gemma had about enough of Tara’s shit. So when she saw the woman she thought was responsible for betraying her son, she snapped the fuck out. Snapped. The. Fuck. Out. Stabbed that bitch in the back of the head with a carving fork. While drowning her in dishwater. Damn. That is cold. Good thing Juice was there to rescue Gemma, killing the only witness (the Charming Sheriff), and getting rid of the evidence. 

I don’t know about you, but the number one thing I am looking forward to this season is the final confrontation. You know what I am talking about. The two baddest motherfuckers on this show have got to go head to head: Jax vs. Gemma

And I have to level with you here: I don’t think Jax is going to make it. 

Season seven opens with Jax in jail, hanging out with a paunchy Marilyn Manson. He does a little dirty work, carving a skinhead up like a Halloween pumpkin, and delivers Manson (who is king shit of the prison Nazis) the man’s teeth in exchange for a meeting. Judging from what Jax is telling Manson, he intends to use race to stir the pot and see what shit floats to the top.

The DA visits Jax in jail and explains that there are no leads in Tara’s murder case so they have to let him go. She confides that her own son was killed by gang violence in an effort to get Jax to play ball with her investigation. Sorry sweetie, Jax is going to handle shit his way.

It should come as no surprise that Gemma is now taking care of her grandsons. She goes to pick up Jax from jail. He holds her hand and tells her how much she means to him, how glad he is that she’s taking care of his kids. Looks like killing Tara was the best thing that could have happened to Gemma. Shit, she should have killed Tara three seasons ago.

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As soon as he is out, Jax calls a meeting and learns that the Sons have been busy. Most recently they went to visit some gang bangers with the Grim Bastards out of Lodi as a favor. They drag the head banger down the street in his wheelchair. Why? Because Sutter is a motherfucker, that’s why. Speaking of which, apparently Tig has had the anal sex with his mother. Surprised? Not if you are watching Season seven of SoA. Full disclosure: I have a mad crush on that freaky bastard and his free flowing man tears. 

Anywho, the Sons have been hard at work settling scores and culling favors. Said favors include killing three assistant pastors in the midst of a gangbang. Don’t ask. 

At any rate the butterflies and bunny hugs matter little to Jax now. He acknowledges that he tried to steer the Sons away from outlaw life. Now he could give two shits. He is all club, all the time. And if you aren’t down with the SoA, get the fuck out.

Speaking of get the fuck out, Juice has decided the best thing to do after helping Gemma is to hide out in Wendy’s apartment and do pushups, naked. I support this decision. Problem, Wendy is no longer in rehab. Why he decides to confide in her that he is hiding from the Sons and that they want to kill him, is a friggen mystery to me. Good lord dude, haven’t you learned to zip your lip yet? And why on earth is he still in the area, let alone the state?! I know Gemma is covering for him, returning the favor, but boyfriend needs to get the hell out of dodge.

Wendy lets Juice stay at her pad since she will be playing substitute junkie mom over at Gemma’s house. He lays low when Unser drops by, but it is clear to the canny old cop that Wendy is no longer living there by herself. When Unser comes back to snoop, a teary eyed Juice gets the drop on him, and ties him up in the bathroom. Why? Because Juice makes bad choices, that’s why.

As for Nero, he and the Byz Lats are hanging out with the Mayans. When he hears that Jax is out of jail, he goes to pay his respects. He wants to set up a sit down with the Mayans and the Chinese and Jax is all for it. Speaking of all for it, Nero is down to mend fences and build bridges with Gemma again. With his dick. Goddamn. Those are two sexy old people!

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Anyway, Jax invites everyone to the porn studio to eat, drink, and make amends. Then he has the Grim Bastards waylay one of the Chinese, enlisting Gemma to spin a pretty little story that Lim ordered the hit on Tara.

Except it doesn’t look like he is in on this lie. It looks like this is Gemma’s story and Jax has bought it whole hog. Which is unfortunate for the Chinese guy, who is about to have a really, really, bad night. Think pliers, think hammer, think salt.

Season seven is off to an awesome start, screaming down the freeway through a river of blood and guts and pathos. We all know how this is going to end: brutally. The question is, who, if anyone, will survive?

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5 out of 5