Silicon Valley is a saga about one man’s journey into the heart of darkness of the world’s weirdest and most insular industry where everything is “disruptable” and nothing makes sense.
But also: jokes.
After each episode of Silicon Valley this season, we’re cataloguing our five favorite jokes. What constitutes a “joke” is often subjective. So don’t concern yourself too much with the proper definition of “jokes.” These are the five moments that made us laugh the hardest, ranked in order.
Richard and Gavin continue their partnershi…andddddd Gavin’s gone. He’s on his way to find himself But don’t worry – he left behind a very creepy portrait of himself with Richard’s initial equation on it. In his wake, Richard and co. opt to find some customers before they build the platform so they can get some cash.
This puts Richard and Erlich into contact with a bank whose CTO just happens to be Dan, the guy whose wife Erlich slept with…twice…as in two different wives. Will Erlich make him thrice a cuckold? No, but Richard will.
Erlich instead will realize that he’s lost and looking for action. Thankfully a very bearded Haley Joel Osment turns up as tech maestro Kenan takes a liking to him and gives him an in with Monica and Laurie’s new company.
Here are our five favorite jokes, including a Dinesh/Gilfoyle slap fight a long time in the making.
5. “God damn it, Richie, let’s hit the road – piss in everyone’s car.”
This is a great Erlich quote for two reasons. One, even without context, it sounds like “let’s piss in everyone’s car” is the type of nonsensical aphorism that he would come up with. Two, the actual real-life context is that it’s his car that was pissed in. In a fit of techbro rage Russ Hanneman peed in what he thought was Richard’s car but was really Erlich’s new yellow Lambo. This is the quintessential Erlich Bachman line. A line that screams “carpe diem” but in reality is a joke on him.
4. “First I need some details. Are you in love?” Jared asks. “We need to extricate you from the situation and it’ll be very difficult because she’s very probably in love with you.”
The best love story on Silicon Valley is the love between Jared and Richard. Granted, it’s pretty one-sided. Though according to Donald Kaufman “we are what we love, not what loves us.” This is a sweet and hilarious line from Jared because it presumes without question that Liz would fall in love with Richard after their romantic tryst. Jared believes that because he, himself, falls in love with Richard more every day. Maybe it’s because he’s never had to find out what a terrible lover Richard is.
3. Phone slap fight
The most terrifying concept in modern life is someone suddenly gaining complete access to the contents of your phone. Even more terrifying is that person gaining access being your arch nemesis. Dinesh and Gilfoyle face down this exact terror in “Customer Service.” While running a test to see if Richard’s algorithm can save space, somehow their phones copy each other. This leads to an entire episode of Jared holding on to both phones trying to establish a fragile peace before they can undo the process. Unfortunately, Dinesh gets a little power crazy when he realizes that there’s nothing more that Gilfoyle can make fun of him for so it benefits him for each of them to read the contents of the phones. It’s like the nerdiest game of the prisoner’s dilemma ever. And it culminates in Gilfoyle slapping Dinesh then Dinesh slapping Jared while both phones unceremoniously die.
2. “I took my top off and you actually said the word ‘gulp.’”
Oh Richie. You were supposed to piss in some cars today, not fuck up this badly. It’s hilarious that Richard does what he warned Erlich not to do and has sex with yet another one of poor Dan’s wives/girlfriends/fiancees. What’s even better, however, is how terrible the encounter seems to be for Liz. Hearing a grown man verbalize the word “gulp” upon seeing her breasts helps her realize that maybe boring old Dan isn’t so bad after all.
1. “I will not phone it in. I’ll be the first one here at 10:30 a.m. and the last to leave just a smidge after 4 p.m.”
A lot of the best jokes this season have been conceptual or visible. Think of Bighead as a Stanford professor or Gavin destroying his mansion twice. Still, sometimes you just can’t beat an amazing zinger especially when it brings such tremendous insight into Erlich Bachman’s extreme sloth.