Sailor Moon: A Girl’s Dream, Usagi Becomes A Bride, Review

At the first mention of chocolate parfait, I’m already getting misty. Astute fans know what I’m talking about. And having shared that little bit of levity, let’s get talking about the fucking wedding episode. I have so many problems with this one. Okay, to summarize…

Usagi’s Home Ec teacher, Miss Akayama, becomes Nephrite’s next target when he decides to use women’s obsession with marriage, specifically with being a bride, as the great ruler’s next meal ticket.

I really, really, really don’t like this episode. I’m reluctant to say that I hate it, because there are parts of it that are good, but there’s just so much about it that pisses me off, and I’m not even talking about the animation house that animated this episode with their fuckin’ puffy-cheeked, smurf-eared art style which I am quite ardently NOT a fan of.

No, I’m talking about all the crazy-ass, sexist bullshit that this episode offers. Like, tons of it. This is actually one time where I prefer the DiC dub to the original. In the dub, this teacher is actually in love with her boyfriend when he proposes. Here, she’s a desperate thirtysomething who is so emotionally invested in getting married for the sake of getting married that she settles for some guy she doesn’t even seem to know just so she won’t be alone. What the fuck? And this is supposed to be her happy ending?

Worse is Usagi’s reaction and all this bullshit about how girls are taught to fixate on being a bride. Not being a wife, being a bride. Seriously, in Sailor Moon’s official stats, that’s what’s listed as her dream. Not saving the world, not finding her purpose, not travelling or having fun or even being married; getting married, having one large, ridiculously expensive party that’s over in a few hours. Don’t get me wrong. I’m looking forward to having one kick-ass wedding of my own someday, and that shit is going to rock out, but I’ve got other interests, other goals, and as a boy I was taught to. Sadly, girls are generally taught that their lives should revolve around a man in some way, shape, or form. Even in a show about female empowerment. And you know what? I’m not cool with that. Though, I do have to say in regards to Usagi… I do gotta give a girl props for fantasizing about a wedding where she has two grooms. You rock that shit, chica. No shame.

Okay. I’m calming down. Pulse is slowing, vein in my forehead no longer doing the cha cha. I’m okay. I’m okay. What else to say about this episode?

Isn’t it great how we know that Miss Akayama is possessed by evil… because eyeliner? Oh, you sense something is wrong with her, Luna? Really putting those psychic kitty skills to work, huh?

So, they’re starting to mix it up with the transformation sequences and do group transforms. This was a nice one.

Usagi the Half-Assed Ninja could be its own show. I swear. Best part, this is not the last we’ll see of her. I’m looking at you, SuperS!

I have to admit, I kind of love what a train wreck Haruna-sensei is, fighting with a couple of junior high girls over a bouquet. This is bitch is ridonkulous, and she just gets worse with every episode. Seriously, all joking aside, who else thinks that Haruna Sakurada is, like, right on the verge of a nervous breakdown. That woman needs to get her shit together in the worst way.

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