Orphan Black: Things Which Have Never Yet Been Done, review

Orphan Black clones parade their individual flair by doing Things Which Have Never Been Done.

This review contains spoilers.

Have I mentioned during these reviews that this show rules? In case I haven’t made it clear, week after week, the general narrative audacity of Orphan Black continues to amaze.

This week, each of the clones got to show their personal unique talents during an overarching story that was as gripping as it was tense. The dramatic glue that holds everything together this season is Cosima and her deteriorating condition. Even Cosima, in her fragile condition, displayed her singular talents. In Cosima’s case, it was her heart and zest for life. Even though she is essentially dying, Cosima still had an easy smile for her lover Delphine and a quick quip for her new lab mate Scott. In fact, it’s her heart that made her friends and erstwhile family so desperate to save her.

Sarah displayed her strength and compassion, a strength that she didn’t have in season one. Sarah’s compassion was what allowed her to permit her daughter Kira to donate her bone marrow in an excruciatingly painful procedure for Cosima. Sarah has truly turned into a selfless soul who would move heaven and earth for her newfound extended and identical family. Sarah took a bit of a back seat to Kira this week who readily agreed to undergo the dangerous and painful procedure to save her Auntie Cosima. All the best parts of Sarah are in Kira. The little girl really lived up to the miracle child that she is, a miracle that so many are looking to replicate from the Prometheans that held Helena to Rachel. More on all of these threats in a bit.

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But first, let’s discuss dear old Alison. Sarah’s strength is her heart, Cosima is her mind and soul, and Alison has a rare gift that served her well this week: her innate ability to clean. Dullard Donnie had been hiding Dr. Leekie’s body in his garage freezer. Well, now it was time dispose of the evidence, and like all things in Donnie’s life that need doing, Alison took care of it. Ali decided to dig up the family garage to hide the corpse.

Two problems. One: Leekie was leaking and the body needed to be quickly disposed of. Two: Vic and Detective Angela Deangelis were snooping around. You’d think Alison would take lead to throw stupid Vic and Deangelis off the trail, but shockingly, it was Donnie who stood up to the nosy pair and violently and convincingly threatened them to leave him and his bride alone while they Winston Wolfed the body of Leekie. Alison was so turned on that she ravished dopey Donnie on the very freezer they hid the corpse in. Well, now we know murder and conspiracy gets Alison’s engine revving. She just better hope that Donnie doesn’t decide to murder someone each time he wants a little Alison action.

Helena saw some action this week involving private parts but it wasn’t nearly as heated or romantic as Alison’s post murder coitus. When last we saw Helena, she willingly went with the Prometheans to be reunited with the embryos lead Promethean Henry had surgically removed from her. The Prometheans like to fancy themselves the righteous hunters, but little did they know that they were leading the wolf right to their door. Helena, at first, played along. She has her “babies” implanted back into her body and became a proud mamma to be. Then things go south quickly for the Prometheans. Helena discovered that her “babies” were being implanted into all the young female Prometheans, including Gracie, the young girl who tried to kill Helena earlier in the season before befriending her.

The Promethean female caregivers were not very kind to some of the young mothers to be, something the formerly abused Helena did not take kindly to. In fact, when one particularly bitchy caregiver got a little to smacky with one of the girls, Helena threatened to “gut her like a fish.” Now, Helena’s unique strength, other than snacking, is violence.

Helena discovered a few disturbing things about Henry and the girls. First and foremost, Henry implanted Helena’s embryos into Gracie combined with his own genetic material. Did we mention that Gracie is Henry’s daughter? Holy Jamie and Cersei Batman, Henry put his seed into his own child in order to build his own army of followers using Helena’s miracle genes combined with his own genetic stuff.  With this in mind, Helena decided she did not like the vibe of the Prometheans and tries to take off with Gracie.

When Henry stopped her and locked Gracie away (keep in mind, Henry also sewed Gracie’s lips together earlier in the season), Helena had enough. What follows is one of the most Tales of the Crypt like ironic acts of vengeance we have ever seen on television. The show doesn’t directly show Helena implanting cow and horse embryos into Henry’s ass using a two foot surgical instrument, but it certainly implies it (either that, or right up the old peen shaft, shudder). We’ll wait while you squirm. She may like to snack; she may possess an ironic innocence, but seriously, do not F with Helena. You will end up having forced surgery in very delicate places while she burns your home.

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So Helena shows her penchant for mayhem, Alison for order and cleanliness, Sarah for compassion, and Cosima for heart, but another clone’s strength spells tragedy for the rest. This episode gave viewers a deep insight into Rachel. As she sat in a special room and watched her past joys with her lost family, we see that Rachel would do anything to have a family again. Rachel’s strength is her cunning which she used to trick Delphine, Sarah, Mrs. S, and Felix. Rachel disguised herself as Sarah and stole Kira right out from under Mrs. S and Felix. Mrs. S with her James Bond like adaptability and Felix with his street smarts, both fooled by Rachel’s disguise. Now, Rachel has Kira, a girl who seemingly is the only hope for Cosima, a girl that represents all of Sarah’s hopes.

Sarah is going to have to find a strength other than compassion to get her daughter back or else she and Cosima are lost.

At least Alison is a happy master criminal.

The good

– Helena’s vengeance Henry deserved it and more.

– Moriarity Alison.

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– Badass Donnie.

The bad

– So what the hell is up with Paul?

The ugly

– Forced anal embryonic implantation

– Just how easy it is to fool Delphine, can you open your eyes you doe eyed tool?

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4.5 out of 5