Orange Is The New Black: Little Mustachioed Shit, Review

Goddamnit. I was not pleased to see Pornstache exit stage left this episode. Fingers crossed the cartoonish villain returns next season to dole out the harshness on Bennett, who turned him in to Caputo as the father of Daya’s child. Caputo was only too happy to have Pornstache fired/arrested while on duty. As he is dragged out of Litchfield he loudly professes his love for Daya and the baby, promising that he will be back for both of them (meanwhile they should start discussing baby names).

The sad thing here, is that ‘Stache comes off looking manlier than Bennett for his willingness to lay claim to Daya and his feelings, consequences be damned. Ah yes, machismo. Such an important quality in your baby daddy – even if it has to come with a prison sentence.

While Bennett is not smelling like roses these days, I stand by my original observation: Daya is a naïve ass. Getting the father of your child thrown in prison so you can have your ego stroked in the short term? Fucking ridiculous. Especially in this economy.

While the Daya, Bennett, ‘Stache lopsided love triangle is playing out, this episode also takes a look at the Piper/Alex, Larry/Polly love … square? Parallel bars? That might be a better description. We learn that Piper hooked up with Alex while Alex was still living with her ex-girlfriend. The more we learn about Alex, the more we realize that she has a narcissistic streak to match Pipers’ and that they were pretty well matched. The debacle ended with the girlfriend lighting a bag of poop on fire and leaving it on Piper’s porch.

At Litchfield, Polly pays Piper a visit and it does not take long for Piper to figure out that she was the one who slept with Larry. Piper is cut to the quick by this revelation, but is consoled by Red who advises her to stop drinking other people’s poison hoping it will hurt them. Piper needs to stop being a doormat and start playing the game if she ever wants to start inflicting pain and stop incurring it. Braced by this advice, Piper starts small. She enlists her new sister-in-law to light a bag of poop on fire and leave it on Polly’s doorstep. Then she takes another step and begins reading the letters that Alex has been sending her from the outside.

I don’t know about you, but I like the new Piper. Under Red’s tutelage, she is likely to stop being an entitled user and become a self-sufficient, grade-A, bitch.

Elsewhere in Litchfield, Sophia finally gets a visit from her son and they bond over a game of cards. Big Boo tells Vee about Red’s tunnel. Vee tries to cut a deal with Red for use of the pipeline, reminding her what happened last time Red refused to share.

The mousey (and slightly singed) Gina discovers that Nicky has heroin, and starts to shadow her so that she won’t use it. Nicky gives in and hands the drugs over to Red. Hoo boy, momma ain’t happy. Not about the drugs and not about the snitch in her group.

She ain’t the only one who is royally pissed at Vee. Poussey knows that the OG has Taystee peddling smack to the Litchfield inmates. She gets drunk and confronts Vee in the shower (tho not in front of Taystee), only to receive a beat down from Suzanne for her trouble. 

Keep up with all our Orange is the New Black coverage here.

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