Nothing, and I mean nothing, beats the scene in this episode where Sophia teaches the other inmates about female anatomy. Specifically? None of the girls believe Poussey when she tells them that pee comes from the urethra, not the vagina. Sophia, who designed her own nether region, draws a picture of the female groin (complete with all the holes) for the edification of both inmates and guards alike. I felt like I was watching a much more basic, if not relevant, version of The Vagina Monologues; it was awesome.
There was a lot of learning going on in this episode. Not only did we learn about lady parts, we learned that Morello is bat-shit insane. She might even be crazier than Crazy Eyes. It turns out that Morello, who was a mail order con-artist with a penchant for designer duds, is also a stalker. Her fiancé Christopher? A poor shmuck she went on one date with before becoming obsessed. She harassed and stalked him, but what sent her to prison was probably the bomb she left in his girlfriend’s car. The same girlfriend who he now plans to marry.
It turns out that Christopher and the fiancé have shacked up less than an hour from Litchfield. A convenient distance for Morello, who is able to sneak over to his house while she is waiting for Miss Rosa to get her chemo treatment. Once there she breaks in to the house and takes a relaxing bath while trying on the fiance’s wedding veil. Morello falls asleep in the tub but manages to escape the house and get back to pick up Miss Rosa before anyone discovers that she was gone. As despicable as her behavior has been, you end up feeling just as bad for Morello (who is very damaged) as you do for Christopher.
While Morello is having her breakdown, Red is finally getting her groove back. She makes friends with the other old prison ladies (only one of whom has dementia), and gets permission to rebuild the defunct greenhouse with their help. The kicker being the person-sized sewage tunnel she finds under the floor boards.
On the whole, I love the writing on this show. What the writers have done in terms of character development has been brilliant. That being said, the sudden apparition of a drainage tunnel in the greenhouse, well, that was just a little too convenient for my taste. Yes, they needed a way to get Red back in the game. But manifesting a tunnel that she happens to find when she needs it most? I have to call bullshit on this one.
As Red plots to move contraband back into the prison, Vee is busy looking for her own angle. She finds out that Poussey can make hooch, but when the younger girl won’t use it to turn a profit, Vee takes offense. She starts to drive a wedge between Taystee and Poussey, using Poussey’s desire for a romantic relationship against her (since Taystee is not inclined to reciprocate). Speaking of romantic reciprocation, Big Boo and Niki decide to compete to see who can sleep with the most inmates. Points are scored based on the inmate and how big a conquest they are deemed to be (Piper is disappointed to learn she only rates 3 out of 10 since she was so willing to screw her worst enemy, Alex).
Outside Litchfield, Larry has started bonding with Polly as he helps her out with her three month old baby. Polly’s husband is off on an ill-timed jaunt to Alaska. Which, as any woman with a kid knows, is grounds for justifiable homicide. The dick move is proving to be good for Polly, who seems a lot less frivolous this season. Just like Piper, she is beginning to grow up and realize that she is not the center of the universe.