Who’s Elaine? Who’s ELAINE you may ask?
Apparently, she’s Shivrang’s true love, who is also a cameo Taylor Swift.
Let’s rewind to the beginning of the episode, though may I just say, from the get go, pretty rockin’ season finale. While it didn’t reach the height of the “Virgins” episode, it blew every other season finale I’ve seen out of the water. No, I’m not exaggerating. Well, I am a little, but it’s called hyperbole. Or is it a metaphor? Jeez, just look it up in a dictionary of literary terms.
Sorry, I feel like I just channeled Schmidt and Jess at the same time, and it came out…weird.
Anyways, so, it’s CeCe’s wedding! And Jess is determined that everything go perfect for her. Except Nick comes out wearing his Miami Vice suit he’s had from high school. Uhhhh…adorable, but also, “huh?”
Fortunately, Schmidt gives him his worst suit, which fits Nick pretty damn well. Everyone, including Jess’s father, troops over to the venue to watch CeCe get married! Schmidt has brought Elizabeth as a date, Winston spies Bucky the badger, a mascot of Wisconsin or something and goes nuts with excitement. All is well with the members of the loft.
Then, because this is a zany comedy, things start to go wrong. Jess lets slip that her dad thinks Nick is childish, then scampers off to do maid of honor things for CeCe, leaving Nick a little thrown. Schmidt wanders off to find the bathroom and wanders into the bridal suite instead. He sees CeCe. She sees him. They make eye contact.
Schmidt leaves and immediately declares to Winston and Nick that they must sabotage the wedding because CeCe clearly wants out—they had an “eye conversation”. Jess comes over and asks what’s the matter. Schmidt tells her. Jess threatens him with much bodily harm if he does anything, then leaves to go help CeCe again. Schmidt tries to recruit Winston and Nick to help sabotage. Nick says no, because he’s Jess’s man now. Winston says no, he’s 31, no more pranks, he’s bad at them—and then Schmidt tempts in. Winston says he’s in, and goes all crazy eyes.
Oh, Winston. You are my new favorite, as of NOW.
Schmidt and Winston start their sabotage plan by first, letting off an airhorn when Shivrang rides his horse into the ceremony, causing it to canter off and bruise Shivrang’s man bits. Then, as CeCe walks down the aisle, they switch the romantic track to Cotton Eye Joe. Nick runs in to turn it off, and so does Jess. She accuses him of being involved because a) it’s childish, and b) it’s his Cotton Eye Joe CD. Nick takes offense and joins Winston and Schmidt in their sabotage scheme.
The ceremony continues, but we don’t get to see most of it because Winston and Nick get up into some of the cleanest air ducts I have EVER seen with Bucky the badger in stage 3 of the wedding nuke plan. Of course, at this point Schmidt realizes they may have gone too far and pulls Jess in and tells her what’s going on. He also lets her know that Nick wasn’t in on it from the beginning. Frustrated and angry, Jess ruins Schmidt’s hair, which he submits to sheepishly.
Oh, Schmidt. You did deserve that. And probably need to put at least a Benjamin into the douchebag jar when you get back to the loft.
Jess goes up into the air duct to try to smooth things over with Nick, but only makes things worse when she admits to him a small part of her is scared that this is a bad idea. Nick, of course, being Nick gets all weird and gloomy and emo about it. Winston deals with everything by talking about how they should save the earth and other gems. Also, Bucky the Badger gets loose and Nick and Jess fall through the ceiling right into the middle of the platform, interrupting the very end of the ceremony. Oh, and the badger also falls down with them and starts biting/chasing wedding guests.
At this point, CeCe throws in the towel and confesses she really doesn’t want to get married—she loves someone else (AND THEN SHE LOOKS STRAIGHT AT SCHMIDT!) Yes, well, we all realized this moment would happen. But what we DIDN’T realize is that Shivrang too was in love with someone else—his elementary school sweetheart named Elaine, who also happens to be Taylor Swift?!
The two of them run off to Vegas to elope. CeCe and Elizabeth confront Schmidt and tell him he has to choose. He runs away.
Jess and Nick have a gloomy talk in which they “call it off”. Jess leaves. Nick goes to the bar to drink.
Out from the air ducts crawls Winston, bleeding from a badger bite, but being a true bro, he gives Nick the best advice ever before calling the EMT’s. He tells Nick to stop being a pussy/alcoholic/leaver like is father and make ANOTHER DAMN MOVE and go after Jess. Nick thanks him and runs out. Winston grins, looks all that, and seems like he’s going to pass out.
Nick and Jess meet outside. She wants to un-call it, but thinks he’s going to say no. It’s emotional. Her blue eyes are blue and full of un-shed tears. He pulls a SEXY NICK MILLER and goes over and kisses her. Like, swoonworthy kiss.
They drive off together, bickering and ridiculous, and quoting Cotton Eye Joe, into the darkness of the L.A. highway lit night.
And there ends the second season of New Girl on enough of a tease to make us want more (more Nick! Jess! Winston! Schmidt! CeCe! Elizabeth! Rob Reiner guest starring!), but with enough conclusion to leave us satisfied. It’s the best relationship one could hope for at the two year mark with a TV show.
HIMYM, you could really be takin’ some notes here.
Also, I’m going to go bold and declare that Winston may be the new Schmidt when it comes to character awesomeness. I know, I know, it is bold, but God Damn that man is coming into his own!
Den Of Geek Rating: 4 out of 5 stars