Heroes s1:5 review

They say gentlemen prefer blondes. Well, I’m not a gentleman, so I’ve always had a preference for brunettes. However, in spite of that, I’m gradually becoming more obsessed with Hayden Panettiere. This week, her character Claire is rushed to hospital following her horrific, yet very deliberate car crash. She is, of course, free of a single scratch, cut or bruise, while her quarterback-rapist-companion, Brody, is looking rather less perky. At this point, you do have to question how no one found it odd that despite being covered in blood, she escaped entirely unscathed.  

Regardless, her father is understandably angered when she tells him about the rape attempt. He pays Brody a visit, and after a rather heated discussion, has a friend of his completely wipe the quarterback’s memory (serves him right for having a name like Brody).

Peter, meanwhile, goes back to Isaac’s house and tells him that he believes him, and that he himself painted the future. They both whinge a bit, then Peter finishes the painting which Isaac can’t complete because he doesn’t have any drugs. What he paints is a picture of a cheerleader with the top of her head sawn off. On any other day, you might think Peter could do with a bit of therapy, but luckily he’s already met Future Hiro, who’s told him “Save the cheerleader, save the world.”

Using my amazing deductive skills, I reckon the cheerleader is Claire, in which case I’m tempted to think, ‘Save the cheerleader, save the show’ might be more appropriate. However, even without her, the show could go on, thanks to Hiro and Ando’s antics. After getting a sound kicking courtesy of the guy they ripped off at the poker table, they’re driven and tossed out of a van in the desert. Fortunately, they seem to be right outside a diner. They go in, have an argument, and Ando storms off. Hiro, meanwhile stares out the window and sees Nathan Petrelli – who’s been busy flying away from some bad guys – landing on the hot sand.

As much as I’m beginning to like Heroes, this rather pushes the boundaries of coincidence a little too much. In a crowded diner, in the middle of nowhere, Hiro just happens to be there, and just happens to be the only one who notices a flying man in his pyjamas. Either these people have really bad eyesight, or they’re just really apathetic.

Also in this episode, Fat Matt The Policecop Man is back at home, after suffering the same ‘hollow him out’ treatment that Rapist-Brody got, so doesn’t remember where he’s been the last couple of days. He decides to use his powers to read his wife’s mind, and in doing so grant her every wish as she thinks of it. Rather than find this just a tad bit creepy, she’s delighted. He orders her a nice meal, lights candles and makes everything perfect. He even puts on a song that his wife has had in her head for days. This is slightly odd, because I think when most people get a song stuck in their head, they want to listen absolutely anything other than that. Anyway, it’s all lovely. But instead of eating, she gets all mushy, kisses him and they have sex. I have to say I was actually shocked. What a waste of food. Fortunately for Matt, his wife’s not thinking about other men, or how small his willy is. And they’ve got a microwave.  

To round up the rest of the characters, Niki is still being a bit rubbish, in that her power doesn’t seem to be a power at all; Mohinder is still very posh, handsome and educated; his friend Eden still looks like a weird alien boy; and Niki’s husband breaks into her house. If I’ve forgotten anyone, then they didn’t do enough to be memorable and deserve to be forgotten. Either that, or Claire’s dad’s been busy again.