Helix: Fushigi review

This review of Helix episode 10 contains spoilers!

Last week on Helix, the infected Dr. Farragut became the lead vector while showing off his impressive neck muscles, the CDC remembered that they were sent to the Arctic for a reason, Dr. Walker learned that Dr. Hatake was her father (and that he is REALLY in touch with his feelings), Major Balls and Daniel saved Anana and the rest of the locals, and the someone stole the virus. Plus, the Helix writers remembered that there was this thing called depth and decided to revisit some larger themes like self-sacrifice for the greater good (sort of).

Helix Day 10 finds the increasingly useless Dr. Jordan succumbing to seizures, hallucinating, and finally getting a grim prognosis about her tumor. Maybe, she realizes belatedly, she should not have come on this little trip and, you know, put everyone at risk. Maybe. But she really, really, really wanted to go on a CDC field call. It was on her lengthy bucket list, right next to curing cancer. Ass. Needless to say those themes of self-sacrifice fall short for Dr. “Me Me Me” Jordan. The still healthy Farragut tries to reassure her that he is happy she came with them. He is a terrible liar. Personally I hope they stay together so Walker can hook up with his brother again, black drool and all.

Anywho. Jordan decides to go and knock out some work in the lab while dying. Girlfriend is full of great ideas. Dangerous lab samples? Sure, trust em’ to ole shaky hands. Luckily she is extremely easy to manipulate, so when her boss isn’t looking, Hatake steers her toward Walker’s DNA and its possible regenerative powers. Sure it MIGHT heal her tumor, so why not inject herself with Walker’s fluids? Sorry, guys, but Jordan’s motivation to experiment on herself falls short of noble when the last several episodes she has been whining about self-fulfillment.

Wow. I am kind of a dick toward dying people.

When Hatake isn’t steering Jordan, he is attempting to bond with Walker.

Step 1: show her the stalker photo album.Step 2: tell her about the Inuit children you kidnapped and then lie feebly that most of them ended up in good homes.Step 3: stutter and lie about why your eyes are silver (I still think he is an alien).Step 4: admit you did some horrible things to avenge her mother.Step 5: look impotent when she continues to rebuff your advances.Step 6: re-read How to Make Friends and Influence People.

Unfortunately for Walker, Hatake is not her only creepy fanboy. Vector Farragut, still running amok in the ventilation, finds the stalker album and pours over it. While purring. He is a giant, muscular, rage filled, zombie kitten.

Non-infected Farragut, manages to stay focused and remembers that they are supposed to be looking for the lost virus. Turns out cryogenics dude stole it and fled Arctic Biosystems. Farragut and Walker decide to take a Snow Cat to some remote and abandoned base 50 miles away on a hunch that dude might be there. Maybe. Crawling along at 50 mph, they get to bond over the many and varied reasons for their divorce. It should come as a shock to no one that ex-husband Farragut is still holding a torch for Walker. Poor, dying, redundant, less hot, Jordan …

As it happens, cryogenics dude is at the abandoned base, radioing Ilaria to get him and the virus out of this frozen hell. I have to admit here, the abandoned base is an AWESOME set; all frozen, desks covered in snow, strung up with Christmas lights and decorations. Great design, guys!

Walker and Farragut manage to get the virus, right before getting pinned down by sniper fire. Turns out one of Sutton’s goons has been lurking around the snowy wastes and managed not to freeze to death. Walker and Farragut escape into the basement where they find and find a silver eyed Russian (who looks like he spends too much time on his Blade II reaper-vampire cosplay outfit) in chains, babbling about Hatake, Sutton, loyalties, and immortality. I am telling you: ALIENS.

Massive spoilers from here: after spending 29 years in chains, the Russian decides that immortality ain’t so grand and kills himself. Before he goes, he tells Walker about the 500 immortals who run Ilaria, which Hatake later confirms.

Nearby, Major Balls and Daniel decide what to do about saving the village. Luckily, Daniel goes after the rouge Sutton goon and shows up in time to save Farragut and Walker. Major Balls knows what he wants to do with Anana. In his pants. Awwww, Yeah.

And our final spoiler for the evening? Farragut thinks Walker destroyed the virus. Think again, buddy! Clever minx, looks like she takes after daddy after all!

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