‘Let’s take a photo of a goat and then float in a boat. Oooh and ?? I’ll take your body and cover it honey, then stick some money to the honey, now you’re covered in money, honey. I’ll step outside on the ledge and push my ass against the glass. You can act like you don’t even know babe. I’ll take a cup and then I’ll put it on my head, and then be freaky with a cup on my head. I told you I was freaky.’
The episode begins with Bret entering the apartment, having been gone for ages whilst Jemaine was waiting for him to bring back bread so he could have a sandwich. Bret picks up a guitar and launches into a song about his day, that’s similar to Peter Sarstead’s Where Do You Go To My Lovely (as heard in Hotel Chevalier, the short film before The Darjeeling Limited). He sings of a girl he met that day and Jemaine chips in with occasional comments. It turns out that 95% of the song was made up and that Bret actually just noticed a girl at the budget zoo (pet store) and, being unable to speak to her, he bought several goldfish.
Like in season one, episode eight (Girlfriends), Bret convinces Jemaine to be his ‘wingman’. His first attempt fails and results in Bret purchasing some more goldfish. Following their failure, they go to Dave’s pawnshop to get some walkie-talkies and advice on women. Dave offers the following advice: “Women like three things: men in kilts, Southern Comfort, and Chris Isaac’s Wicked Game.”
Bret enters the budget zoo again, this time wearing a kilt and with Dave and Jemaine feeding him advice through a walkie-talkie whilst they’re hiding in a car outside. Bret gets such stellar advice as: “Tell her you’re freaky!”Sadly though, there’s no ear piece so the girl in the budget zoo can hear everything that’s being said. Bret makes the excuse that it’s an old iPod and buys some more fish.
In an attempt to get information on the girl, Bret goes through her rubbish with Mel, Jemaine and Doug. Not surprisingly, Mel is rather good at this kind of thing. They manage to get the name of the girl – Savannah – her address and find out that she has an outstanding utility bill.
Bret convinces Jemaine to pretend to mug Savannah so that Bret can stop him and look like a hero, something he’s seen in a sitcom. Jemaine agrees, but decides to enlist the help of an old friend with mugging experience, John, from series one episode three (Mugging). John doesn’t like the idea, of giving the bag back and letting Bret hit him, as he’s a professional and doesn’t do “pro bono” work. Turns out that Bret didn’t need the staged mugging as he and Savannah seem to get on fine and they arrange to go for sushi. John steals the bag and punches Bret in the face when he attempts to stop the mugging. Savannah sprays mace in Jemaine’s face. Jemaine and John are both arrested, but Murray bails out Jemaine stating that he’s a New Zealand diplomat.
Bret takes Savannah back to the apartment and upon entering is greeted by a voicemail message, being left by Dave, advising Bret to “tell her you’re freaky”. In explaining the message, Bret performs I Told You I Was Freaky, a song outlining how freaky he is, that’s a bit like MGMT and Electric Six. Along with the line at the top of the article, it includes a line about Savannah painting herself like the wallpaper.
Jemaine returns from jail to find Bret in bed covered in honey and money. If that wasn’t confusing enough, Bret introduces Savannah, who’s camouflaged against the wall. Savannah recognises Jemaine from the mugging and learns of the reasons behind it and leaves the apartment disgusted, only for Jemaine to attempt to ask her out whilst she’s leaving.
Not the best Conchords episode I’ve seen, but certainly a lot better than the majority of episodes in this series.
Check out our review of episode 8 here.