Doctor Who: Steven Moffat’s 12th Doctor audition script

No Doctor Who scoops, no rumours, and certainly no spoilers lay ahead. Instead, what we have here is a little piece of behind-the-scenes info inching open the tiny aperture into the 12th Doctor casting process. 

In the new edition of Doctor Who Magazine, showrunner Steven Moffat has shared one of the not-to-be-filmed audition scenes written for potential 12th Doctors. Why not grab a friend during this morning’s coffee break, make haste to the stationery cupboard, argue over who’s going to be Clara, and act your TARDIS socks off. It’s what we’ll be doing.

Here’s Moffat’s introduction to the scene, courtesy of the Radio Times:

“I had to make up some scenes for the auditions, cos I haven’t written the real script yet. So here, in an exclusive, as a big old tease, is one of the imaginary scenes I wrote. Couple of things. Nothing to glean about what’s coming in the stories – this scene will never appear in the show itself. Also, you’ll learn very little about Number 12 – naturally, this was written before the casting began. And anyway, the scenes we use for the auditions are designed more as obstacle courses than ‘proper’ scenes. Fairly generic Doctor stuff, for someone to spin into a new version of the Time Lord. So, with the proviso that there’s nothing to learn here (won’t stop you trying, I know) here is – sort of, kind of, not really – the first scene for Number 12…”

INT. TARDIS

The new Doctor is checking out the new body. Clara, watching. It’s been a few minutes, they’re both still adjusting.

THE DOCTOR: Right then, eyesight. Not bad, bit blue. Ears – not pointy, right way up, more or less level. Face – well I’ve got one. Oh, no – French!

CLARA: French.

THE DOCTOR: I’ve deleted French! Plus all cookery skills, and the breast stroke. And hopping. Never mind hopping, who needs to hop. Ohh, the kidneys are interesting. Never had that before – interesting kidneys.

CLARA: Are you all right?

THE DOCTOR: I don’t know, do I look all right?

CLARA: I don’t know.

THE DOCTOR: How’s the face? Seems all right from the inside. Nice action, responsive. Bit less heft on the chin. How is it?

CLARA: It’s… okay.

THE DOCTOR: Okay?

CLARA: It’s a bit… you know.

THE DOCTOR: No I don’t, I haven’t seen it yet.

CLARA: Maybe it’s just new.

THE DOCTOR: Have you changed height?

CLARA: No.

THE DOCTOR: You sure?

CLARA: It’s you, your height, you’re the one who’s changed.

THE DOCTOR: And look at your nose.

CLARA: What about my nose?

THE DOCTOR: It was really cute, I loved your nose, you should’ve kept it.

CLARA: I did, it’s the same nose, it’s the same all of me. You’re the one who’s… regenerated, whatever you call it.

THE DOCTOR: Are you wearing a smell?

CLARA: Do you mean perfume?

THE DOCTOR: Yes, I suppose it could be perfume.

CLARA: You’ve always liked that perfume, you said so.

THE DOCTOR: No I didn’t, that was the Doctor.

CLARA: You’re the Doctor.

THE DOCTOR: Yes, I suppose I am. That’s going to take a bit of getting used to.

CLARA: Yeah, it really is.

Thanks for that Steven Moffat, now if you could just see your way to releasing a fiftieth anniversary special trailer too, that’d be grand.

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