6. An Ending, And A Beginning And An Ending (aka The Final Preliminary Report Of Doom)
And so it ends. With a hey and a ho and a hey nonny no (well, more of a Bangles cover, to be fair), Campus has left the building. It signed things off in the manner of a school disco. There was a fair bit of awkward dancing, a couple consummating a term’s worth of sexual tension, some rousing eighties tunes, and an unplanned pregnancy.
Surprising though it was, the Glee parody finale was a fittingly schizo way to wrap up what has been a merrily eclectic six episode run. When you’ve covered offensive jokes, shrinking people, fake lesbians and hare-people, you may as well end with a song.
A few weeks had passed at Kirke since the previous instalment, time which Imogen spent breaking up with the ever-persistent Flatpack on a daily basis. Nothing she could say would deter him, however, and even the threat of her leaving Kirke for a year’s sabbatical had him planning romantic gap year adventures pour deux.
Beside himself with frustration about not knowing the rules of adult relationships (why can’t you tell someone you love them in a canteen?), Flat’s petulant toddler act was out in full. His infatuation with Miss Speccy the Boffin did show some signs of being rewarded, though, as Imogen agreed to at least think about taking a trip to Morocco with him. Well, why wouldn’t she? Who doesn’t love a desert island?
Meanwhile, Jonty was up to his usual tricks, kidnapping Asian children to pass off as Kirke-grown maths prodigies and trying to exchange the rugby field for some magic beans. Andy Nyman deserves props for his work throughout the series. He’s been a glorious weirdo, slowly becoming more unhinged and desperate as the episodes have gone on. This week, facing the university’s potential closure as the publication of George’s damning report drew near, he almost became sympathetic.
Stand-out Jonty moments this week involved him not only leading the cast’s touching rendition of Eternal Flame as the credits rolled, but also taking centre stage for some office-wide flash mob style moves to The Safety Dance. I don’t know if I get the joke here (maybe there isn’t one?), but that song seems to have become a bit of a sitcom meme, having popped up in Scrubs, Family Guy, The Simpsons and Glee in recent years. Whether I get it or not, it was a fun moment. Also, nobody wears a desk like Jonty Flaps de Wolfe.
Matt was last seen staring mournfully out of windows after Imogen, but started off this week determined to get back to being a despicable bastard. It wasn’t long, of course, before the angst had returned and his inner monologue was committing the ultimate betrayal by singing James Blunt to itself (shudder).
Matt’s unreliable inner voice wasn’t the only complication. A different kind of spanner had been thrown in the works of his and Imogen’s relationship, with the news that he’d accidentally got the Canadian up the duff.
Jonty’s plan to bring down the business witch thus seemed to have come to a satisfying, if unexpected, conclusion. The Canadian was neutralised in a storyline with a pretty questionable message. George’s entire personality (all one dimension of it) was erased as soon as she got a bun in the oven, as were her prospects of continuing along her fast track career route to corporate success.
Not a problem, though, as no-one, not even (gadzooks!) a pregnant woman, is so unemployable they can’t work at Kirke. Instead of returning to the land of Canadia, George accepted a job at Kirke in exchange for her prettying up the university’s report.
A happier ending was on the cards for the couple who make The Office‘s Tim and Dawn look like they couldn’t give a single shit about each other. Jason and Nicole, King and queen of sexual tension, finally did the deed. Their hook-up was sweet and a sound trade-off for Matt and Imogen’s future being left as fodder for a second series.
With Matt’s child incubating inside the Canadian and the Moff off on sabbatical, the stage is nicely prepared for series two. The sad thing for fans is that we’ve probably already seen the last of the Kirke crew. Campus‘ viewing figures remained significantly below the timeslot’s average throughout its run, meaning it’s doubtful we’ll ever find out what happens next. Still, there’s always the DVD.