Bates Motel: Ocean View, Review

Episode five continues to walk us down the path. Where are we headed? Ask Norman.


Talk about a buzz kill after losing your virginity.


Norman comes home after banging Bradley oh so romantically, swagger in his step, shirt partially unbuttoned, only to find his brother calmly eating cereal and informing him Norma’s been arrested for Keith Summer’s murder.




Ad – content continues below

Norman and Dylan visit Norma in jail. She’s bitter and hates her sons and refuses to eat. Her bail is set at $100,000. Looks like the motel is gonna be used as collateral.


Norman goes to John’s Bail Bonds to do just that. Emma drives him. Yes, Emma is better (someone actually says, “you’re better”—I think it’s Norman) and therefore in this episode. Looks like it’s Bradley’s turn to be MIA, especially as she’s not texting Norman back after their night of love


Oh yes, I can get more immature than this. Just you see.


As they patiently wait for John to open his Bail Bonds store, Norman tells Emma he lost his virginity to Bradley. Ok, no, he didn’t do that (but wouldn’t that have been fun? Actually, probably not, it may have killed her). He tells her that she was rght, and there was a real girl, and the police were involved and OMG STOP ASKING QUESTIONS EMMA I GOTTA GET MY MOM OUT OF JAIL. Emma stops asking questions and tries to kiss him. Norman steps back. Awkward moment interrupted by John of John’s Bail Bonds returning.


Norman bails his mom out of jail and (awwww!) gets her flowers and dresses up! Wait, that’s weird. Norma is still pissed at him, for oh, any number of things, but probably because they have that weird Freudian (Oedipal complex?) thing going on and she knows while she was getting arrested for murder, her son was blasting off for the very first time.


Ick. On so many levels, Ick.


Ad – content continues below

Norma continues to freeze Norman out, even in the visit to her lawyer. Why Norman needs to be in on this consult is beyong me, but whatever. It makes for fun interplay. Norman is rude to her young looking, 33 year old lawyer. Lawyer tells Norma to face reality and hey, everyone knows you did it. Norma continues to be in denial. Norman tries to calm her down, and Norma says to stay out of it. Then why the heck did you bring him Norma? Norma storms out, yelling “I’m innocent!”. Norman follows.


Norman and his mother then have a fight in the car where she yells, “You got laid! I was crying! You got laid! I was worried about being taking away from you! You got laid! You’re turning against me! Who is she???!! Wait, I don’t want to know! Arhghghgh!”


Ick factor goes up times ten.


Norma continues to not win the mother of the year award by kicking Norman out of the car after he confesses he turned to Dylan because she scares him. Yep. She scares everyone who’s sane, Norman, don’t you worry. Norman looks longingly after her driving car like the lost little boy he is who ‘just wants to ride in the car, Mom’. Especially since it’s like a super really far way back to the house.


Walking home, who picks him up but Dylan on a motorcycle. Brother bonding! Norman hops on the bike, and they go zooming off into the sunset. Awwww. It’s like Steve McQueen with eyeliner taking his geek bro from Wonder Years out for a spin, making his day. Cue happy bonding music.


They continue bonding in the kitchen where Dylan tells Norman their mother is a crazy drama bitch and he needs to walk away. Easy for you to say Dylan, you ain’t still in high school. And you have a job. True, it’s guarding a huge pot field, but whatever. Dylan lets Norman know he’s getting a shack on the beach and Norman should move in with him. Cut the cord man, cut the cord.


Ad – content continues below

Norman, still feeling guilty about the whole toolbelt serial killer tendency souvenir/rape/murder things, says he needs to stick around to help his mother. Dylan says frack that crazy ho, leave, son. Ok, he doesn’t say it like that, but it’s the essence.


Also, Dylan, you don’t have the money to get the new place yet. Oh wait, yes you do. His partner in weed guarding crime lends him 5k to get a new place. What?? Then his partner asks some druggie looking guy if he has his shit in order. The druggie looking guy says yes, AND THEN SHOOTS HIS PARTNER IN THE NECK.




Damn it. Kill the Asian? Really? There aren’t enough of us on TV people! Why ya gotta do that!


Dylan takes Ethan (right, that’s his name) to the ER. Probs doesn’t look good. The nurse gets a security guard who looks at Dylan. Dylan runs away.


Norma meets Deputy so-not-doing-right who tells her he can’t date a woman arrested under suspicion for murder. Norma tries to walk out on him, but he stops her, throws her against the car and….


Ad – content continues below

…tells her he loves her. And kisses her.


Ewwwww. And who thinks the deputy be playin’ her, to keep her under his thumb until he throws her under the bus to cover for his sex slave activities? 


The Deputy gets back to the station after mackin with Mrs. Bates and sneakily does illegal stuff like stealing evidence (you know, nothing major or anything). What evidence? The evidence that damns Norma for the Keith Summers murder. Ok, so maybe no throwing under the bus, but definite continuation of blackmail and control by saving her ass. Notice he does not throw said evidence away, hmmmm?


Meanwhile, Dylan is doing his best impression of Ryan Gosling in Drive, by cruising through the streets in Ethan’s truck. By a coincidence that usually only happens on TV dramas and soap operas, he spots the guy who shot Ethan. He runs him over with the truck he’s driving. 


Good one, Dylan. Looks like the Bates brothers won’t be sharing an idyllic cabin on the beach anytime soon. No wonder Norma throws her hands up over you. Lotta tousled blond hair, but absolutely no brains.


Norma and Emma do some web surfing, Emma looking up properties for Keith Summers and Norma looking at the website for The Bates Motel. Then the lawyer calls Norma with the good news—the fiber sample evidence is gone, and so is the case.


Ad – content continues below

Norman calls Bradley. Gets her voicemail. Dude, get the message.


Norma comes home to tell Norman the good news, and tells him she thinks Deputy Zack took the evidence. She’s happy. He’s not, because he knows the Deputy is a bad, bad, bad, bad boy (Gloria Estefan reference). And also, Oedpial issues.





Norman storms out and Emma conveniently comes by in her orange Beetle and tells him, “I think I know where the girl is!” Norman, in a mood, says “Just get me out of here.”


They drive off to a harbor where she asks if he’s ok. He says yes. She wants to know if he wants to talk about it. He doesn’t. She tells him she deduced where the Asian sex slave is. Norman sorta listens to her, and but just keeps checking his phone for messages from Bradley. She calls him out on it. Norman tells her about Bradley. She tells him it’s just a hookup. He’s like, no! She’s like, did she change her relationship status? Silence. Hookup.


Ad – content continues below

Norman quickly changes the subject back to the Asian sex slave. She tells him she thinks the sex slave is on Keith Summer’s old boat. They break into the boat. They find the sex slave in a closet. They bring her back to the motel.


Once they do, Norma naturally finds out. Hey, it’s not like they hide it. Like at all. Forced with the sight of a real, non-hallucinatory live Asian sex slave in her motel, Norma is stunned and in denial. She runs and grabs a paper with the Deputy’s picture and asks the sex slave if this is the man who was…well…enslaving her. By her frightened screams and terrified noises, it looks like a yes. Everyone’s eyes get super huge.


Norman tells Norma, “I’m sorry. I told you.”


End. Of. Episode.


God, the more unrealistic and pulpy this show gets, the more I love it.  I can’t help it. It’s just ridiculous and random and freakin’ awesome. Like, B movie awesome. Like…Krull awesome.


Boomerang of destiny! Yahoo! Best Liam Neeson death scene evah!


Ad – content continues below

Hey, Hitchcock’s Bates Motel it clearly more and more certainly ain’t, but whatever. He did movies. This is TV. You gotta keep those viewers coming back somehow, and trust me, random murders and Asian sex slaves is definitely a sure way to do it.