"Titanic" was aimed at Tweens? I always thought it was an 'aunties and mums' kind of weepie. Isn't Hannah Montana a spy as well as a singer or am I getting confused and adding colour to an otherwise dull picture?

Dropquote of the year: Mr Ron Hogan...

Well, I was in middle school when it came out (possibly high school, but I can't really remember that well because of college), and all I remember is teen and preteen girls talking about how they've seen Titanic 18 times and how it made them cry every time. This was when Leo was the biggest teen heartthrob since Corey Feldman, so I guess I blamed the kids for it.

Craig: Also, it doesn't matter what she does on the show, because this is just a 74-minute film of her concert, not her actually doing anything scripted that isn't a dance number. Simon: Thank you. If this was a real competition, I'd have tried even harder last year to top things like "Note to self: Try jalapeno martini."

As myself and Simon concluded just the other day; how can anything be depressing any more? We live in a world where - between them - Alvin & The Chipmunks and Transformers have taken HALF A BILLION DOLLARS at the box office. HALF A BILLION That's depressing... This is just a very entertaining - and very nicely written - footnote.

My kids watch the show that spawned Hannah Montana...the acting in it makes the performances in Balamory look like evening of Shakespeare. But we always get the last laugh with female Disney teen stars...when they become drug addicts, pregnant, anorexic, or...utterly bonkers. So what's going to be Miley's calamity? My money's on drunk driving...even if it's been done to death.

If only Bill Hicks had managed to get his 'Let's Hunt And Kill Billy Ray Cyrus' TV show concept off the ground, eh?

Sorry Mark, but watching un-protected, un-loved (for anything but the money and status they bring their parents) and uneducated teen stars self destruct is not my idea of fun. We should feel shame for what's happening to Spears at the mo', not the sort of schadenfreude that fuels horrible rags like Heat and whatnot...

The machine that makes these Arian clones over in the US seem to be going into overtime at the moment with not only this hideous mutant Montana satan-spawn spewing sentimental pop crap to millions of vacant brain dead tween girl but if you have SKY you too can sit through hour upon hour of mind rotting sugar encrusted teenage freakery. From Sister Sister to Moesha to High School Musical to Zoe 101 (Jamie Lynn Spears stars in this..or so im told) there is no escaping this sinister cult of fun-joy filled teenagers that are slowly seeping into our reality. At least with emos you know where you stand.

And to finish off my rant.. *sorry* im on a roll with this ...this ZOEY 101 thing.. I spotted a tv advert the other day that you too can be just like her by buying a magazine all about her. Ironically in real life Jamie Lynn Spears has jut been knocked up by her boyfriend which i find sad, and at the same time funny as I can see the magazine publishers OTE, bonuses and reputation melting infront of my eyes. I suppose they can always make the 'live like Zoey 101' ideal a more realistic twist by giving away condoms with issue 2, pregnancy test with issue 3, and paternity papers and a lawyers number with issue 4

John. having been subjected to this brain melting guff it's difficult to remain well adjusted. The delight of watching them self-implode comes from the contrast between how they're presented, with all the preaching ethic and message laden plots, and how they contrast with the reality. As for Miley, the argument that she's 'un-protected' is surely nixed by the fact her father is on the show! Why they're pushing Zoey 101 so hard currently is beyond me, as Disney had to be strong armed into showing it after Jamie Lynn's revelation. Apparently even the producers of this show couldn't quite stomach adjusting the plot to allow her to give birth in the storyline, even if Spears Inc. thought this might fly. Teens have a hard enough time without the faux moralities of this garbage to contend with.

So she's famous, then?

Martin, I just laughed out loud.