Can you guess the film from the Amazon.com review?

There’s nothing like a review at Amazon to give you a rounded view on a particular film. Just check out the examples we’ve got here…

One of the modern joys that the Internet has taught us, and one that we sadly take for granted, is the customer reviews that appear at certain online stores, which joyfully allow all of us to have our say on the merits or otherwise of a film.

The best place to find such feedback is at Amazon.com and its assorted international affiliates, where customers aren’t shy to add vitriol, praise or otherwise to the title of their choice. And we love it. This is, surely, part of what the Internet is all about, allowing us all to express our views on a take it or leave it basis.

Dig into some of the product listings on Amazon, though, and you can’t help but sometimes wonder if we’ve all been watching the same film. We’re genuinely not snobbish about this, just fascinated by the breadth and ferocity of some of the opinions that are being foisted about. We’ve also worked out that if you want to get your prose to particularly stand out on Amazon.com, you NEED TO WRITE ENTIRELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS and throw in a few EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!! LOL!!!!!

So intrigued by some of the reviews we got, that we’ve decided to set a little test. Below, you’ll find reviews of ten films (utterly unedited, and as they appear at Amazon), and we’ve tried to get two or three reviews per film to help you. There’s a link to the answers sitting at the bottom (they’re not obscure films by any measure, though).

Ad – content continues below

Good luck! You, er, might just need it…

MYSTERY FILM 1

”I didn’t switch of after 3 minutes because I thought the film was trying to be deliberately bad as a precursor for the better bits to come. I switched off after 7.”

“This is a R-rated movie?Yea right!This sure seems like an x-rated movie!The languege is so awful!Those four foul mouthed boys should be given a bath!They say the F-word about 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,0oo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo times in it!It sould not be viewed by anyone!I would have voted no stars,but no!Ii had to vote 1!”

”I am not one of those people that are hyper-sensitive about everything. I am just calling it as I see it. This movie is stupid. I really don’t understand what other people see in this movie. I think people just like the excessive vulgarity. This movie will seem very dated over time as the next “Elvis” becomes popular.”

MYSTERY FILM 2

Ad – content continues below

“I like this movie, but if your parents are the kind of people who are protective of their children, then, I wouldn’t try buying it online. It is a tad inappropriate for young kids, what with all the swearing, but there is a well designed plot that keeps you watching, rather than going to refill the popcorn bowl, or get a Coke from the refridgerator. Of cource, once I start watching a movie, no matter what it is, I dont get up, unless you count Pokemon, which I really hate.”

“I might not be a pro movie critict but I know a good movie when I see one,and this was good. Hey, it may be very very fictional but it is also very very funny. And for all of you who didn’t like it I pitty you because you can’t find anything good to watch. So there.”

“THE FUNIEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME”

MYSTERY FILM 3

“I have a question, why are people giving this movie bad reviews that state themselves they didnt even really like the other two movies to begin with? Im not gonna go write a review about harry potter or something I hate and trash talk it cuz my opinion is irrelevant”

Ad – content continues below

“Disregard ANYTHING bad you might have heard or read- this is one GREAT comedy!!!! Politically incorrect brilliance! Director Brett Ratner delivers again- has he ever let us down?”

MYSTERY FILM 4

“Well, there’s a lot more (the constant explosions, the disconnect from scene to scene, the improbable behavior, et al., ad nauseam), but you get the idea. It’s a train wreck of a movie and, quite literally, a crashing bore. What did the public see in this mess?”

“If you are not related to somebody in this movie and don’t feel compelled to see every single XXX movie, I do not know why you would subject yourself to this.”

“My freind made me go see this at our local doller theater and thank God I only payed a doller to see this crap! I wanted my doller back after leaving the theater!”

MYSTERY FILM 5

Ad – content continues below

“When everyone talked about this movie, I had to go see it, and boy was I sorry! It was the worst, there was nothing entertaining about drugs, profanity, violence, murder. What a waste! Not my type at all, and… I am NOT that OLD!!!”

“WHAT KIND OF MORON MADE THIS MOVIE. WAS HE ON CRACK! THIS MOVIE DOESN’t HAVE A PLOT, A STORYLINE, AND IT DOESN’T EVEN HAPPEN IN SEQUENCE. THE END OF THE MOVIE WAS IN THE BEGINNING? WHAT? I SLEPT THROUGH HALF THE MOVIE. I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE LIKE THIS MOVIE.”

MYSTERY FILM 6

“I liked the actors and everything. I especially liked the “yo mamma” part what ever you call it and the american idol part. Leonidas character was fun to watch, its funny how he talks. While I enjoyed this movie, I don’t like Scary Movie, the epic movie, or the Superhero movie. This one was stupid as well but funny.”

“This movie is the greatest and the stupidest movie this year. This movie is very funny, and I would definitely watch it 50 more times. It’s a great movie.”

“I am embarrassed to admit that I got the jokes, which means I’ve inhaled the celebrity non-news more than a sane person should.”

Ad – content continues below

MYSTERY FILM 7

I lauphed more hard than the other ones! Me,my cousins,their friend,my friend thinks its so for the best in the series!Gingy,pigs,wolf oh my! 3 best movie ever to me!”

“This is like, oh my gosh, the best movie in like a decade. I couldn’t believe how hard I was like laughing and like it was just great, trust me on this. You will not in like a million years see a movie as funny as this.”

MYSTERY FILM 8

“I totally disrecommend this movie, as this was a complete waste of viewing time. It’s no wonder there are so many pending lawsuits on the producers.”

“Now, I’d heard XXXX was crude, rude and lewd. And funny, which it is. (But nowhere in the comedy ballpark of, say, “Hotshots Part Deux” or “The Court Jester.”)

Ad – content continues below

“It is very rare that I will destroy a movie that I just purchased, but hearing the ‘snap’ sound of this un-funny, offensive, and completely tasteless Hollywood flatulence gave me some degree of satisfaction. Awarding one star is far more generous than deserved. Don’t waste your money or time on this unless you are an adult with the intellect of an 8-year-old. This is moviemaking at its worst.”

MYSTERY FILM 9

“BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIMES!! IT HAS EVERYTHING YOU COULD ASK FOR IN A MOVIE!! THAT CRUISE SHIP IS BEAUTIFUL, ITS AMAZING HOW WELL THEY DIRECTED THIS MOVIE, SO XXX WASNT IN THIS MOVIE…….SO WHAT!?!!? THE MOVIE IS GREAT WITH OR WITHOUT HIM! BUY IT A+++++”

America y’all are STUPID for not loving this movie. Look up the word talent!”

MYSTERY FILM 10

“This film teaches important lessons to children in a gentle and very entertaining way. Lesson One: Discipline is important to children. Lesson Two: Anything in excess, even fun, can ruin your life. Lesson Three: The entertainment industry, although glamorous, can be harmful.”

Ad – content continues below

“THIS MOVIE IS ALSO FOR MY GRANDDAUGHTER FOR CHRISTMAS. I ALSO KNOW THIS ONE WILL BE JUST AS GOOD AS “THE SIMPSON MOVIE” I KNOW SHE WILL LOVE BOTH OF THESE MOVIES.”

“We grownups liked the movie, the kids liked it, and even the cats got engrossed a few times –which says a lot! Five Stars for the whole family!”

Click here for the Answers

 

Can you name that film from 5 words of dialogue?Name that film from just four words of dialogue

29 January 2009