South Park Madness: The Elite Eight

Continuing coverage with Round 4 of the South Park Best Episode of All Time Tournament.

These episodes have fought harder than Cartman mud wrestling a midget to get within one win of the South Park Madness Final Four.  All our favorite characters are represented, Butters, Randy, Cartman, R Kelly, the Hardly Boys and even a wiener-biting pony. Now it’s time to see who advances to South Park immortality.


Standings from the Previous Round: The Sweet Sixteen
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Stark’s Pond Region


[1] Crème Fraiche vs. [2] Broadway Bro Down


Nick Harley: Broadway Bro Down is a spectacular episode that pretty much pulls out all the stops; songs, celebrities, Spiderman, but there’s something that pulls me to Crème Fraiche. Both Randy-centric episodes, Crème Fraiche has a laid back, more simple vibe to it that allows the jokes to stand out more, instead of the rapid fire Bro Down. Every time Randy gets hot and bothered by the cooking channel and starts cursing, it gets laughs, and I cant decide if it’s funnier on television with all the censoring or whether the uncenscored version on Netflix is superior. Either way, the episode gets my vote.


Chris Longo: Pretenders were weeded out long ago. Now we are left with two powerhouse episodes that made us believe in the supremacy of the Shake Weight regimen and marvel at Spiderman’s mysterious allure. I guess this battles comes down to your preferences, a post-musical hummer or a nice old fashioned. Both episodes chronicle the sex lives of Randy and Sharon, but only one episode gives a “spoolge drenched blowjob queen.” To borrow a line from Kyle and Stan, I learned something today: Broadway is the best time a bro can have. Broadway Bro Down.


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Joe Matar: The joy I took from Créme Fraiche was almost entirely derived from the Shake Weight sub-plot. But Broadway Bro Down just made me happy through and through. Quite honestly, as South Park goes on and on, I turn to it more just expecting a pleasant, familiar diversion. However, Broadway Bro Down was a recent episode that holds up alongside some of the classic South Parks of yester-year.


The Lemmiwinks Region


[12] Chinpoko Mon vs.  [14] The Wacky Molestation Adventure


NH: Wow, who would have guessed that a 12 and 14 would have made it this far? Well, when one of the episodes is Chinpoko Mon, I guess it was pretty foreseeable. The Japanese’s plot to take over America by simultaneously brainwashing children with cheap toys and flattering American men by praising their penis size is one of the best villainy plots to hit the show. An early era classic, as far as I am concerned.


CL: If you give the bracket the eye test, you might be a little surprised to see this as an elite eight matchup. Now don’t get me wrong, these are two worthy episodes when you break them down. South Park goes Lord of the Flies in The Wacky Molestation Adventure to fictionalize a world without parents. That’s always an entertaining concept. Chinpoko Mon perfectly captures the childhood zest for aggressively advertised toys. Throw in Bill Clinton’s massive penis, a brilliant Japanese subliminal advertising scheme and the parents of South Park once again being oblivious to the world around them, and you have a classic.  And when you get American kids to play a video game that says, “Try to bomb the harbor,” you win. Chinpoko Mon.


JM: I think The Wacky Molestation Adventure may have more biting satire, but Chinpokomon gets my vote this time for all the stupid crap in it that made me laugh. The running gag about Americans having “such humongous, bulbous penis” stayed funny to me throughout. The live-action ads for Wild Wacky Action Bike and Alabama Maown are awesome too. Plus, rats exploding out of Kenny’s corpse. Top-notch stuff.


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The Mr. Slave Region


[1] Trapped in the Closet vs. [6] Mystery of the Urinal Deuce


Nick Harley: Mystery of the Urinal Deuce has had a good run folks, but it’s not going to take out Trapped in the Closet. R. Kelly’s bizarre, secretly genius, rap opera meets Scientology in one of the most controversial episodes in the show’s entire run. This episode was seeded as a one and it’s clear why, it’s one of the best mixtures of smart and crass that Matt and Trey have ever produced.


David Crow: Mystery of the Urinal had a freakishly good run to the Elite 8. It seems almost…too easy. Kind of like escaping the White House because Dick Cheney screwed up hitting the target again. Still, every Cinderella story must come to an end, especially when it involves trying to find all the answers through Scientology. That’s right Tom, I said it. Now come out of the closet and sue me! I am not afraid of you! Trapped in the Closet.


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Joe Matar: I’m afraid Mystery of the Urinal Deuce’s plot is still too dumb, Trapped in the Closet is still too awesome and Scientology is still too deserving of being taken down all the pegs that the episode took it.


The Imaginationland Region


[1] Scott Tenerman Must Die vs. [11] Butters’ Very Own Episode 


NH: It hurts me to do this, but I have to give Scott Tenorman Must Die my vote here. Butters shines in his very own adventure, but Cartman’s solo venture in Must Die is like the Citizen Kane moment for the Cartman we’ve grown accustomed to. Also, the kid tries to use pubes has currency. C’mon.


DC: Oh hamburgers! Butters is my favorite character. Just thinking about the dastardly Professor Chaos makes me want to sing, “Happy, Happy Anniversary from Everyone at Bennigan’s!” So, do not take this the wrong way kid, but seriously that Scott Tenerman kid must die. He must eat every last bite of Scott Tenerman’s Parents Chili and be called out for the little crybaby that he truly is by Radiohead. Butters may be my favorite character, but Scott Tenerman Must Die may be the best episode in South Park history. It certainly is worthy to be among the Final Four. Scott Tenerman Must Die.


JM: I feel as though the strength of both of these episodes is their fucked-upness. And, based on the Matar Scale of Fucked-Uppery, Scott Tenorman Must Die wins by a landslide. Yes, Butters’ mom did try to kill him, but Cartman made a dude eat his parents. Plus, the episode felt like a huge turning point in the series where Trey and Matt made it abundantly clear to us how willing they were to subvert our expectations.