This article is sponsored by Broad City: High Score.
If you’re not getting virtually high with Broad City’s Abbi and Ilana, then you should really be evaluating your life choices.
Pick up your phone and download Broad City: High Score, the game that takes you on a deep-dive through Abbi and Ilana’s colorful universe. Hit the bong, pee in public, pick up groceries, help Ilana take a midday nap, it’s all there for you with 20 mini-games. The more you play, the more fun you unlock. And while all 20 have their charm, I have my tops and bottoms. So I ranked them.
Here we go:
20. Quick Cuts
This mini game is all about helping Abbi cut her Bed Bath & Beyond coupons for those sweet discounts she loves so much. Unfortunately, I can’t crack the code here, so it’s at the bottom. Needed information: I can’t cut a straight line in real life either, so there was no hope.
19. Insert Tooth Here
No one can be Lincoln. Only Lincoln can be Lincoln. This game of putting Ilana’s tooth back in place never works out well for me, so she ends up getting punched in the kisser.
18. Snack Time
Bevers needs to quickly devour Abbi’s chocolate cake before she notices, so you help him by tapping as fast as you can. Personally, I feel like he’d be quicker without me.
17. Delicious Spins
Grind up some weed for the Broad City gals to make their joints 100 emoji.
16. Balance Buds
You have to keep Abbi and Ilana balanced on the bike through the streets of NYC. I always lose, which means I end up crashing into one of those tiny dollhouse cop mobiles.
15. Tap Slow
Tap at just the right moment to make sure that Ilana doesn’t break a tooth biting through a jawbreaker. This one skeeves me out, because I don’t like to think about people biting through rocks, especially not my fake BFF.
14. Dial Quick
Ilana is drunk AF and needs pizze fast, it’s up to you to dial for her. No one calls anyone anymore, so my fingers aren’t as nimble as they once were, but I always get Ilana her za.
13. Puppy Love
Ilana’s dog-nephew is getting married and you need to help him kiss his bride. This is just so adorable i don’t even care that I’m making dogs kiss.
12. Swipe the Doll
Ilana’s very valuable JonBenét Ramsey Beanie Baby is in danger of being eaten by a dog, and you have to save the doll by using all your Tinder practice to swipe it away.
11. A Quick Break
Deals, Deals, Deals is hard work, and sometimes Ilana needs a little bathroom stall nap, but balancing on a toilet can be difficult (first-hand experience with that one), so you have to help her stay comfortable and rested!
10. This’ll Work
If you’re going to wear a dog sweatshirt to work, it’s important to have a marker handy to make it crafty-chic and work appropriate.
9. Get Some
Abbi is strong as as hell and can whoop some ass in tug-of-war, if you help.
8. We Need Supplies
Pack some groceries for Abbi and Ilana, and do it right or else you’ll end up on the “Shitty People” wall.
Abbi’s high in Whole Food with Bingo Bronson and only you can help her smash though an obscene amount of jars. It’s god’s work.
6. Chew It Off
Best friends are always there for you, even if it means chewing off a security tag from your top so you can go to a fancy gallery opening.
5. Hold’n Tap Tap
Be a dear and help Abbi use the bong for maximum-highness. This game is near the top because it’s fun to tap, tap tap.
4. Light it, Smoke it
Be the same dear for Ilana, and help her light up. Virtual lighters are fun.
3. Swipe to Jump
Ilana can’t get caught jumping the subway turnstile, so make sure to swipe when the cop isn’t looking.
2. Gotta Pee
This game has some actual skill involved, you need to make sure to pee when the cop isn’t looking. Sometimes that means stopping midstream between taxis to pretend like you’re just hangin’. It’s hard work.
1.What To Do (Mind the Jewels)
Abbi found a use for her knockoff dildo: hang jewelry from it. You help her redecorate by hanging a pearl necklace (that’s on purpose) from the “Shinjo.” Why is this my favorite game of the bunch? Because, duh. I’ll also have you know that I reached “Dildo Master.” Wax on, wax off, bros.