Best Simpsons Quotes Ever: Part 8

Just two more parts after this one, so let's get on with today's quotes from The Simpsons...

The Simpsons marathon draws to a close...

It’s part eight of ten. So we’d best get cracking…

***

Homer (very drunk): Look, the thing about my family is, there’s five of us: Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn’t talk, and the fat guy… How I loathe him.  *falls off the barstool, and groans*

*** Rainier Wolfcastle: My new movie is me, standing in front of a brick wall for 90 minutes. It cost $80 million to make.Jay Sherman: How do you sleep at night?Rainier: On top of a pile of money, with many beautiful women

Ad – content continues below

***

Moe: Moe’s Tavern, where the elite meet to drink.Bart: Uh, hello. Is Mike there? Last name, Rotch.Moe: Hold on, I’ll check… Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?*laughter*Moe: Listen, you little puke. One of these days, I’m going to catch you, and I’m going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick.***

Gabriel: Hello, I’m Gabriel.Homer:    [gasps] A heavenly choir! You must be an angel.Gabriel: [laughs] No, that’s my pager. [turns it off] I’m a social worker. I’m here to help you stop fighting, and become a family again.Homer: No, you are an angel, like Denzel Washington in “The Preacher’s Wife,” or Will Smith in “Bagger Vance,” or Slimer in “Ghostbusters.”Marge: Sir, we know you’re not an angel. My husband sees too many movies.Homer:    Don’t blame me – blame Tinseltown and its second golden age… May it never end.

***

Homer (reading from PC screen): “To start press any key”; where’s the any key? Is see esk (ESC), keturl (CTRL) and pigup (PgUp) but there doesn’t seem to be any any key… Phew, all this computer hacking is making me thirsty, I think I’ll order a tab.*presses TAB key, whilst holding up cup to CD Drive… Computer springs to life* Homer: Oh, no time now… Computer’s starting.

***

Ad – content continues below

Homer (explaining his Vegas wife to Marge): Look, I married her, but that is as far as we went. We never, ever made whoopie – or even mouth whoopie.

***

Bart: There’s no way all this junk is going to fit in the carHomer: No problem, that’s what all those hours of Tetris were for.

***

Principal Skinner: Order, order. Do you kids wanna be like the real UN or do you just wanna squabble and waste time?

***Song Of The Day: Talkin’ Softball (sung to the music of Talkin’ Baseball).

Ad – content continues below

Well, Mr. Burns had done it         The power plant had won itWith Roger Clemens clucking all the whileMike Scioscia’s tragic illness made us smileWhile Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile

We’re talkin’ SoftballFrom Maine to San DiegoTalking Softball.Mattingly and Canseco

Ken Griffey’s grotesquely swollen jawSteve Sax and his run-in with the lawWe’re talkin’ Homer Ozzie, and the Straw

*** 

Blackboard wisdom of the day: Ralph won’t “morph” if you squeeze him hard enough