Best Simpsons Quotes Ever: Part 3

Day three of our The Simpsons marathon, and we're nowhere near close to running out of classic quotes...

The Simpsons. Again.

Sitting comfortably again? Then let day three commence… 

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Mrs. Lovejoy: Do you think they should be talking about S – E – X in front of the C – H – I – L – D – R – E – N? Krusty: Sex Cauldron! I thought they closed that place down years ago!”

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Hi, I’m Troy Mclure and you may remember me from such Fox Network Specials as “Alien Nose Job” and “The Five Fabulous Weeks of the Chevy Chase Show”.

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Ned (reading The Chamber of Secrets to Rod, or is it Todd?): … So Harry Potter and all his friends wents straight to hell for practising Witchcraft…

Rod (or is it Todd?): Yay!

*Ned immediately throws book into fire*

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Lisa: Look, it’s JK Rowling; author of the Harry Potter Books… You’ve turned a whole generation of kids onto reading!

J.K. Rowling: Thank you young Muggle.

Lisa: Can you tell me what happens at the end of the series?

Rowling (annoyed): Yes, he grows up and marries you… Is that what you want to hear?

Lisa: *sighs* Yes…

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Comic Book Guy: Stop right there! I have the only working fazer ever built. It was fired only once to keep William Shatner from making another album.

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Lovejoy (at Maude Flanders’ funeral): In many ways, Maude Flanders was a supporting player in our lives.  She didn’t grab our attention with memorable catchphrases, or comical accents.

Willie: Aye.

McAllister (the sailor): Yar.

Frink: Oh, glaven. Why, glaven?

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Lovejoy: But, whether you noticed her or not, Maude was always there … And we thought she always would be.

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Birch Barlow (radio DJ discussing the Mayoral election): There are three things we are never going to get rid of in this town. One, the bats in the public library; two, Mrs. McFuly’s compost heap; and three, our six-term mayor – the illiterate, tax-cheating, wife-swapping, pot-smoking spendocrat, Diamond Joe Quimby.

Quimby (listening to the radio): Hey, I am no longer illiterate.

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Homer: Look, all I’m saying is, if these big stars didn’t want people going through their garbage and saying they’re gay, then they shouldn’t have tried to express themselves creatively.

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Moe(answering the phone): Yeah, just a sec; I’ll check. [calls] Amanda Hugginkiss? Hey, I’m lookin’ fer Amanda Hugginkiss. Why can’t I find Amanda Hugginkiss?

Barney: Maybe your standards are too high!

Moe: [to phone] You little S.O.B. Why, when I find out who you are, I’m going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!

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Song of The Day: The Jedi Song (Sung my Mark Hamill to the tune of ‘Luck Be A Lady Tonight’ from Guys & Dolls)

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Luke, be a Jedi tonight!Just be a Jedi tonight!Do it for Yoda, while we serve our guests a soda.Uh, and do it for Chewie and the Ewoks, and all the other puppets …

Luke, be a Jedi tonight!

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Blackboard wisdom of the day: SpongeBob is not a contraceptive

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Yes! More tomorrow!

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