Best Simpsons Quotes Ever: Part 1

In celebration of the incoming The Simpsons Movie, John has been picking his favourite pearls of wisdom from television's first family...

The Simpsons: television's first family

No fancy introduction here: we’ve got our first batch of quotes to get through…

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Ralph Wiggum: Me fail English? That’s unpossible.***

Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin… But what good does that do me?

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Leonard Nimoy (Looking at the new Springfield Monorail): I think this vessel could do at least warp 5.Quimby: Yes, and may the force be with you.Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?

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Apu: By the 7 arms of Visnu, I swear it. I am not a Hindu.

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Abe Simpson: They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I have never fully understood why. Frankly, I can see an up-side to it!

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Ned Flanders: Hey kids! Nachos, Flanders style! That’s cucumbers with cottage cheese!

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Bart: Are you guys crooks?Fat Tony: Bart… uhm. Is it it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?Bart: No..Fat Tony: Well suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?Bart: Nuh-uhFat Tony: And what if your family don’t like bread. They like… cigarettes.Bart: I guess that’s okay.

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Barney: Hey, Homer, I’m worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there’s only one case left.***Song Of The DayMr. Burns (To the tune of Be Our Guest from Beauty & The Beast):See my vest, see my vestMade from real gorilla chestFeel this sweater, there’s no betterThan authentic Irish setter.

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See this hat, ’twas my cat,My evening wear – vampire bat,These white slippers are albinoAfrican endangered rhino.

Grizzly bear underwear,Turtles’ necks, I’ve got my share,Beret of poodle, on my noodleIt shall rest,

Try my red robin suit,It comes one breast or two,See my vest, see my vest,See my vest.

Like my loafers? Former gophers -It was that or skin my chauffeurs,But a greyhound fur tuxedoWould be best,

So let’s prepare these dogs,(Mrs. Potts, the maid): Kill two for matching clogsSee my vest, see my vest,Oh please, won’t you see my vest.

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Blackboard wisdom of the day: “Mud is not one of the four food groups”.

More tomorrow…