9 Mighty Boosh characters that should be toys

There are action figures for pretty much every character of every film and TV show ever nowadays. Except the Boosh! Travesty.

Mighty Boosh

The Mighty Boosh is awesome. It’s also a complete goldmine for action figures. Seriously. Pretty much every single character would make an awesome collector’s piece. Howard and Vince would be the obvious place to start, but there are tons of other deserving characters who would brighten up your living room/bedroom/shelf no end. Here are my favourite candidates, with details of the accessories they should come with:

– Bob FossilManager of the Zooniverse, Bob would come dressed in an ill-fitting zoo uniform – open at the belly, obviously – with a cup tucked into the shirt pocket, and a dictaphone ready in his hand to record the names of those pesky animals he can never remember. “Gorilla.” Yes, Bob.

– Dixon BainbridgeThis one would only really be worth it if it could be a talking doll. Preferably one where you can make it say a range of different things – “I said, good day, sir! Argh, rhino!” or “fortunately, I had a pistol hidden in my moustache” and an occasional burst of Total Eclipse of the Heart – by stroking its moustache. Matt Berry has the kind of voice that would make “good morning” sound funny. A talking Bainbridge doll, then, would be genius.

– The HitcherBright green and covered in Polos, the Hitcher (no, not Sean Bean, either) is terrifying, in a vaguely endearing, massive-thumbed Cockney way. He’d come with a mysterious, Polo-covered chest accessory.

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– Milky JoeMore than just a coconut, Milky Joe is a friend to a lonely man. Or an enemy. A Milky Joe action figure would come complete with a range of headwear, and an expansion set would let you add Ruby and Precious to your beach hut playset, too.– Old GreggComes with a variety of tutus, and a shoe. (For drinking Bailey’s out of, naturally.)

– NabooA Naboo doll would come as part of the Zooniverse playset, with his own little shaman hut/concessions stall. Accessories for Naboo include a pot of miracle wax, a hoover (for hoovering up errant spirits), a flying carpet, and a hookah. You could maybe re-appropriate a Chewbacca doll to stand in as Bollo. Or just a gorilla, if you happen to have a toy gorilla lying around.– Mrs GideonThere aren’t many women in the Boosh – probably because most of the characters have to be played by either Noel Fielding or Julian Barratt – so even if Mrs Gideon weren’t awesome, she’d have to be included as a toy. Luckily, she is. She’d have removable glasses, and a snake wrapped around her neck (non-removable).– Electro VinceA special edition Vince doll: one half of his face is an electro boy. The other is an electro girl. Awesome. Just keep him away from Johnny Two-Hats (coming in the next series of Mighty Boosh action figures).

– Charlie… Actually, you could probably make your own Charlie action figure out of a lump of strawberry Hubba Bubba and some googly eyes. But that doesn’t mean that the rest of these shouldn’t be real action figures, so I could put them on my Christmas list.