Valentine’s Day is approaching, along with some new episodes of our favorite animated series. We’ve seen many couples’ relationships blossom and fade (Lisa Simpson and Nelson Muntz, Seymour Skinner and Edna Krabappel, Brian Griffin and Jillian). I usually wake up in the middle of the night, unable to get back to sleep for hours, so I start mulling over some oddball things (I wonder if I can make a soufflé? I hate my hair; should I buzz it all off? Will people think I have cancer?). My mind started drifting toward the upcoming Bob’s Burgers, with Tina Belcher pining over Jimmy Pesto Jr. and wondered if someone from a different series might be better suited for her. Pretty soon it was hey, why don’t we look at The Simpsons, Bob’s Burgers, American Dad, Family Guy and The Cleveland Show, and do a little mashup, pairing up characters we’d like to see together
So, my daughters and I did some brainstorming (yes, I am a bit ashamed to admit I let them watch all of these shows). They helped jog my memory and added some characters I had forgotten about, so I have to give partial credit here to Morgan and Amanda for their assistance. I also owe them each five bucks. A few ideas were rejected right away (Klaus the goldfish and Lisa Simpson…um, no), but I think we did some pretty good matchmaking. If you disagree, hey…I didn’t say these couples would WORK. I’d just love to see what happens. We also avoided pairing up characters who were either far too young or already married. I mean, really, can you see Peter or Lois with anyone else? Or Rallo with a girlfriend? No thanks.
1. Glenn Quagmire (Family Guy) and Edna Krabappel (The Simpsons)
We all know that Edna’s been around the block a few times and Quagmire has pretty much been around the world a few times (not just because he’s a pilot…giggity). Longterm relationship material? I doubt it, but who knows? I think they would either use and abuse each other for a while and then part ways or make it work just because they’re so much alike in their skankiness.
2. Selma Bouvier (The Simpsons) and Adam West (Family Guy)
Selma’s already been married to Fat Tony and Troy McClure, so why not hapless mayor Adam West? Sure, he’s eccentric, but he’s rich. Selma’s already been through a lot. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind his cat launcher and golden Dig ‘Em statue, as long as he took good care of her. Plus, he’s agreeable…crazy, but agreeable and if he started getting too weird I’m sure Selma would put him in his place and he would try to make her happy.
3. Steve Smith (American Dad) and Meg Griffin (Family Guy)
Ok, I did NOT put these two together just because they’re both nerdy. Steve may not be a hit with the ladies, but he has a certain swagger when he puts his mind to it. He might be able to win Meg over and give her a much needed confidence boost. Besides, she’s already (accidentally) made out with her own brother, so it couldn’t get much worse than that. Meg’s also constantly putting herself down, but Steve (having dated the overweight Debbie) isn’t too hung up on appearances. These guys might actually make a cute couple…awwwww!
4. Tina Belcher (Bob’s Burgers) and Milhouse Van Houten (The Simpsons)
I don’t know why Tina has such a crush on Jimmy Jr. He’s not even that cute (but now that I think of it, are any of the Bob’s Burgers characters really that attractive?). Tina’s no Lisa Simpson, but Milhouse can surely appreciate her shyness and intelligence. Plus, both of them are a little strange. Okay, a lot strange, but Milhouse’s more manic energy might help lure Tina out of her shell.
5. Andy/Ollie Pesto (Bob’s Burgers) and Sherri/Terri (The Simpsons)
They’re twins! They’re perfect for each other! Or maybe not…the Pesto twins are hyperactive and annoying, while Sherri and Terri are conceited and annoying. Still, I would like to see the four of them get together just to watch how they interact. I think their high pitched voices may just end up breaking glass or attracting a pack of wild dogs.
6. Jeff Fischer (American Dad) and Roberta Brown (The Cleveland Show)
Replace Hayley Smith (who is already a strong willed, independent woman) with the tough talking Roberta Brown and let’s see how stoner Jeff Fischer takes it. Hayley’s gotten herself into trouble, but she’s a peaceful spirit at heart. Roberta’s edgier, tougher, gangsta. I have a feeling she would beat Jeff (physically and emotionally) into submission. Roberta is also a bit high maintenance, so Jeff will probably have to get his act together and get a real job so he can keep supplying her with the Gucci purses she likes.
7. Brian Griffin (Family Guy) and Hayley Smith (American Dad)
Hayley’s a pot smoking liberal gal! Brian’s a pot smoking liberal dog! Ok, the dog thing could be a problem, since Hayley leans toward buff, handsome guys. But Brian is intelligent and charming and just might win her over. He could also do something else he does well: Lie about himself to impress her. At the very least, they would have some very stimulating conversations, plus a lot of crazy sex while drunk and/or stoned.
8. Ned Flanders (The Simpsons) and Gayle (Bob’s Burgers)
Okely dokely, I tried to find an upstanding, Christian single mom with kids to hook up with Ned, but failed to find any in the five show choices, so I picked Linda Belcher’s sister, Gayle instead. If Ned is looking for a replacement for Maude, Gayle doesn’t exactly fit the bill (she’s an insecure, somewhat unstable artist), but she’s interested in settling down and has a good heart. Ned might have to get Gayle her own private art studio though, because I’m sure he wouldn’t want paintings of animal anuses on the walls of his house. That would be the devil’s work, my friends.
9. Roger (American Dad) and Jasper (Family Guy)
Technically, Jasper (Brian Griffin’s flamboyantly Gay cousin) has married his longtime partner, but I think he would get along splendidly with sexually ambiguous alien Roger. Jasper loves to go to Club Med; Roger loves to get drunk and mooch off other people. I can picture them now, dog and alien, lounging on a tropical beach sipping large, fruity drinks. The problem? Roger can get a little too callous, which might be an issue for sensitive Jasper. Just as I can see them on vacation together, I can see Roger getting drunk and yelling while Jasper cries, so this relationship would probably be short lived.
10. Gene Belcher (Bob’s Burgers) and Debbie (American Dad)
Debbie, the pudgy on again, off again girlfriend of Steve Smith, might be the perfect match for Gene Belcher. She’s smarter than Gene, but both of them have a twisted sense of humor that could smooth things over. Gene (like Steve) is not judgmental. He tends to live in the moment and doesn’t take anything too seriously, so he could help Debbie lighten up a bit. Bonus for both: While they’re dating, Debbie could probably eat at the burger place and hang out with Gene there whenever she wanted. It’s a win-win!
Any other couples you’d like to see paired up? Anyone you missed seeing on the list? Let us know!