Trailer trash 07

We get caught out by this time and time again: big shiny trailers for deeply rubbish films. So which were the biggest letdowns of the summer?

Spider-Man 3

Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated? These three trailers for 2007 movies promised so much, but the films delivered so little…1) Transformers

 

 

Never have I watched a trailer and been so excited I actually found myself screaming with excitement. American-style. Whoops and all. The trailer for Transformers promised so much. Amazing effects? Check. A really quite attractive woman? Check. THAT transforming noise? Check check check. What a shame, then, to witness a film that was no more than a huge, overblown advertisement for Hasbro.

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I mean, what the flip even happened in that film? Nothing, as far as I could tell, other than supposedly heroic rebots getting into ‘hilarious’ scrapes outside a young adult’s bedroom, getting their arses kicked several times (since when was Optimus Prime so lame?) and then talking some bumpf about a cube that the audience don’t really understand but just go along with because, ‘hey, they’ll start fighting again in a minute.’ Hrumph!

2) The Simpsons

 

 

Trailer = hilarious clips of Homer with a pig singing”Spiderpig, spiderpig…”

Film = hilarious clips of Homer with a pig. And that’s about it.

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Yup, if you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen the best bits in the film.

3) Spider-Man 3

 

 

While I freely admit I’m horrendously biased towards the Spider-Man franchise (he’s always been top of my superhero tree) I thought the trailer was amazing. Yes, the buzz wasn’t good – the mutterings being that Raimi had been forced to make some decisions by the studio against his will – but I refused to listen. When I saw the trailers, I had no reason to be worried. That shot where Peter is falling through the air, trying to catch Mary-Jane’s engagement ring, only to be whisked away mid-grab by Gobby on his glider was amazing. No, dammit, it still IS amazing.

So how is it, then, that that sequence in full is just a mess of CGI? I remember watching that scene unfold and my initial excitement wasted away in seconds; the pace of the scene rendered the action utterly unfathomable.

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When it was all over, I left the cinema – having lost patience and all faith in films – with a sick feeling in my stomach that I’ve never fully recovered from. Just ask my wife, who was given the shock of her life when she innocently remarked that she “quite enjoyed it”. The words I uttered then I promised that I would never utter again. Sorry Becs.

The moral of the story? The movie industry is big business and great, albeit misleading, trailers are a sure-fire way to get bums on seats, no matter how bad the film.

I mean, it worked for Phantom Menace