The Sylvester Stallone Ready Reckoner

The Ready Reckoner is back! And it's Sylvester Stallone who is our latest victim...

Rocky Balboa. What a comeback...

With John Rambo on the way, Sly is in the midst of a bit of a career resurgence. So we sat him down in the Ready Reckoner Chair….

Rocky Balboa

3 out of 5
Surprisingly good conclusion to the boxing saga. Who’d have thunk it?

Taxi 3

2 out of 5
He’s only in it for five minutes. And speaks French in it.

D-Tox

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2 out of 5
Wasn’t released for ages after it was made, and not surprising. Good first half, rancid back end.

Driven

2 out of 5
A film that manages to make the idea of driving a fast car dull, long before The Fast & The Furious did the same thing.Get Carter
1 out of 5
Atrocious remake. Nothing else to say.

Antz

4 out of 5
Hugely underappreciated computer animated movie. Far better than Shrek.Cop Land
4 out of 5
A bold career change for Stallone that he never convincingly followed up. Cop Land is a terrific little movie, though.Daylight
2 out of 5
Crap disaster film which should have been good. Too much shouting, too much pondering, not much of interest.

Assassins

2 out of 5
Another misfire: Richard Donner, Sly and Antonio Banderas should have worked. But it really doesn’t.Judge Dredd
2 out of 5
Not an outright disaster, but a profound dumping on a British comic legend. Words can’t express how woefully miscast Stallone was. And everyone knew it at the time, too.The Specialist
3 out of 5
A real guilty pleasure: James Woods, Stallone, dodgy special effects and lots of explosions. We’ll have some of that.Demolition Man
4 out of 5
A Den Of Geek favourite. We’re already written about it here.Cliffhanger
3 out of 5
A film that marked a real career rebirth for Stallone. Better on a big screen than small, but it’s the photography that lifts it above standard action fare.Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot
1 out of 5
Tony really likes this. Simon thinks it’s a staggering disaster. Simon pulled rank, so one star it is.

Oscar

1 out of 5
Terrible mob comedy.

Rocky V

1 out of 5
A boxing film with very little boxing in it! Great idea!Tango & Cash
4 out of 5
Another Den Of Geek favourite: Stallone and Kurt Russell click, and they should have made lots of sequels.Lock Up
2 out of 5
Crap. But hilariously crap.Rambo III
3 out of 5
Cartoon violence. Tony likes it. And as he was sulking over Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, he was allowed to knock this up to three stars…Over The Top
1 out of 5
The arm wrestling movie! Wonder why they haven’t have more of them?Cobra
2 out of 5
Crime is a disease. Meet the cure. Just not a very good cure.Rocky IV
5 out of 5
A standout moment in 80s cinema. No shit.

Rambo First Blood: Part II

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4 out of 5
The good Rambo sequel.

First Blood

4 out of 5
Nearly a five. Back when it was all serious like.Rocky III
3 out of 5
A fine Rocky sequel, with the genius casting of Mr T lifting it immensely.

Rocky II

4 out of 5
Surprising good, if predictable, sequel.

Escape To Victory

4 out of 5
A fun movie, with Stallone as the world’s least convincing goalkeeper. Fair does though, but Rambo in goal and you’ll never lose on penalties.Paradise Alley
3 out of 5
Something a bit different and daring, and quite successful too.

Rocky

4 out of 5
The only Stallone film to win a Best Picture Oscar. That’s true, that is. It’s still really good, too.

Death Race 2000

2 out of 5
Far from a classic. Because Martin says so.

Not watched:Spy Kids 3-D (and never will watch it – the first one was bad enough)An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn (supposed to be desperate)RhinestoneNighthawks

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And we didn’t count all the stuff where he was ‘Man In Bar’ and things like that (else Klute would have made it onto the list!). Check back next Friday for another Ready Reckoner…

Click here to check out ALL the lists at Den Of Geek...