The Machine Girl DVD review

The Dude loves a girl who can kick ass, so this ought to be in his line...

Machine Girl

I was a senior in high school when mine eyes first perceived the greatness of the Asian action/gore genre. Before that I’d mostly dedicated my film experiences to Mel Brooks and such, but one night my roommate and I decided to watch this movie we’d borrowed from this kid down the hall: Azumi.

What an eye-opener. I quickly realized there was a whole other aspect to these amazing things we call movies just waiting out there for me to find and explore. So next morning I took a trip to the local pawn shop and picked up Azumi 2: Death or Love, and it was all uphill from there. After a while I heard about this movie, Machine Girl, and this Asian porn star Asami was supposed to be in it and supposedly it was about some girl who loses her arm and replaces it with a machine gun. Considering hot Asian porn stars and machine guns are all that’s really needed to create an amazing movie, how could I not see it?

The movie opened with some Japanese boy getting bullied and this cute girl comes and, in honor of her bullied-to-death brother, proceeds to literally blow all the bullies to bits with her machine gun arm. I was instantly hooked. Not only was this chick one of the hottest Asians I’d ever seen, but she was kicking ass and taking names as well, absolutely fantastic. So the credits rolled and I sat waiting for some more action and I can tell you now that I was not disappointed.

Ami (Minase Yashiro) is a very attractive girl who lives alone with her little brother Yu (Ryôsuke Kawamura). It is shortly revealed that they live alone because their parents committed suicide because they were framed for murder.

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Just a thought here, but, doesn’t that seem a little irresponsible, or is that just Japanese culture? Anyways, the plot thickens when we find out that Yu and his compadre owe a considerable amount of money to Sho Kimura (Nobuhiro Nishihara), the son a Yakuza crime boss, and they can’t pay it. So, after much ado about nothing (heh heh) Yu and his pal find themselves hurled off the third floor of a parking garage and we are treated to what might just be the most dramatic scene in the whole movie: Ami screaming whilst holding the limp body of her deceased brethren.

Shortly thereafter, Ami meets Miki (the porn star Asami!), and after Ami loses her arm, the two vixens of violence decide to join forces against the Yakuza. Ami had apparently sworn off violence, but we all know that that oath was bound to lose its credibility, didn’t we? Of course, it is shortly hereafter that Ami is captured by the Yakuza, loses her arm, escapes, and replaces it with a homemade machine gun – thus The Machine Girl.

I don’t want to give away too much of the movie because it is just so fantastic to see for yourself but, for the sake of all that is awesome, I feel I must reveal some tidbits here and there if you don’t mind. Ami decides she will be a devil until she avenges her beloved brother’s death and proceeds to kill one of the teenagers who assisted in the murder of her little brother.

This scene is just fabulous. We go from Ami’s arm being turned into human tempura (you have to see it to believe it) to the kids’ mother regurgitating her own intestines into a pot of stew (the pot of stew containing the decapitated head of her child) due to the large kitchen knife that Ami thrust through her neck. From there we find ourselves witnessing Sho Kimura’s extremely disturbed mother, Violet Kimura (Honoka, also a porn star), feeding a Sushi chef his own fingers as punishment for spilling some hot water on her son. Alas! I feel as though I’ve revealed too much already.

The Machine Girl did everything for me that I expected it would. Director Noboru Iguchi delivered what might be the actual definition of a bloodbath. The amount of blood we get to see sprayed, blasted, poured, and gushing every time we blink our eyes is enough to tickle the fancy of even the most desensitized movie-goer out there. The action comes quick and the blood comes fast. The gore is eye-popping and the chicks are all fairly hot, so if you go in expecting a B-rate Asian gore movie with all the laughs, quirks, blood, and sexiness you can’t find anywhere else, you will surely be entertained.

That said, the movie does have its downsides. For example, the effects are quite cheesy and obviously low-budget, the acting leaves something to be desired, and Machine Girl has its fair share of home computer-generated CGI, but as I’ve already said, watch this movie with the right mindset and you won’t be disappointed. Without a doubt, this film will forever rest in my heart as a cult classic in its own genre of greatness. I will forever say “certainly” if asked to watch it with some friends, and it is most definitely a must-see for any fan of Japanese gore. So my friends, please, go forth and enjoy The Machine Girl!

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Special Feature Notice that I said “Special Feature”? Yeah, just one feature. The so-called Special Featureswere the worst part of this DVD in all fairness. It was basically five minutes of a guy walking around and asking pretty random questions to the actors and there was no basis to it at all. It provided little insight into the film itself, with questions like “Are you having fun filming?”, seeming very straightforward and meaningless. I give the special feature just 1 star out of 5.


4 stars
1 stars

The Machine Girl is out now.


3 out of 5